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AIBU to be furious about this joke?

(92 Posts)
geradine Fri 11-Nov-16 21:19:13

I go to a sort of self defence class every Friday night. It's high contact, very hands on, and I'm sometimes the only woman there (like tonight).

So right before class, we are chatting about tattoos. I made a joke about having a tattoo (it was relevant and appropriate), and this following conversation happens:

Him: I thought you were more a W W sort of girl.

Me: W W? What does that even mean?

Him: You know, W on one ass cheek, W on the other ass cheek, then bend over, WOW!

I was really pissed off because it felt really intrusive and derogatory to women in general and me in particular. It put the image in my head of me being bent over naked and I hate to think that that's what the rest of the (male) class thought too. The class is usually very 'safe' because we do train some techniques that involve close contact with each other (think, how to break out of a rape scenario with someone right on top of you etc). I've never heard any sexualised or inappropriate jokes there before, and him saying that gave me the rage.

Am I being over sensitive or should I message my instructor to tell him that it bothered me?

Soubriquet Fri 11-Nov-16 21:21:08

Oh..very clever

Soubriquet Fri 11-Nov-16 21:21:42

Woah bad cross post. Sorry

The OP didn't come up when I first clicked and I thought the joke was an invisible op

Will read now

Soubriquet Fri 11-Nov-16 21:22:49

The only wow I would have responded with was "wow you're a twat"

How rude!

justdontevenfuckingstart Fri 11-Nov-16 21:23:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:25:33

It's just an old and I thought quite well known tattoo joke, he probably mis judged your sense of humour , I wouldn't report this. I very much doubt he was thinking of you in that manner,

Not unless I'm misjudging when I've heard it before, which is often between blokes.

I think you're being over sensitive,

justdontevenfuckingstart Fri 11-Nov-16 21:25:52

Ignore me wrong thread have reported myself. Apologies op x

VeryBitchyRestingFace Fri 11-Nov-16 21:26:18

Him: You know, W on one ass cheek, W on the other ass cheek, then bend over, WOW!

I barely even "get" that. I doubt I could rouse myself enough to go postal on him.

Thank God I'm getting old. smile

Amandahugandkisses Fri 11-Nov-16 21:27:46

He is a stupid twat.

HumphreyCobblers Fri 11-Nov-16 21:28:21

I would really hate that. It is very inappropriate for someone to make a joke like that in that situation.

In an ideal world I would have called him out on it at the time, but I bet I would have been stunned into embarrassed silence in actuality.

That1950sMum Fri 11-Nov-16 21:29:53

I think you're being over sensitive. He used a silly and clichéd old joke but that's all.

Lilacpink40 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:31:24

Did everyone exchange awkwards laughs / looks then get on with the class?

I think he thought he was trying to be 'cool' rather than setting out to offend.

I wouldn't have liked it either, and I would have shown it, but I don't think I'd report it.

Kikibanana86 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:32:02

It's a well known bad tattoo joke. I doubt he meant it in a sexual way.

I think your being over sensitive.

dudsville Fri 11-Nov-16 21:32:37

That's an awful thing for him to have said! Can you tell the guy who said it that it bothered you? I guess if it were me I'd also want a heads up in future if I was going to be the only woman.

geradine Fri 11-Nov-16 21:32:40

I wish I had confronted him properly at the time. I was pissed off at the time, it fell flat and I didn't laugh or anything. I work with offenders, and remarked that that was something I'd hear at work. He said 'oh did I embarrass you?' and laughed in a mocking way, and I just said 'I'm not embarrassed because I'm used to hearing shit like that all day at work'. Wish I'd said more.

BubbleGumBubble Fri 11-Nov-16 21:33:00

Is it sexualised or just a rude joke?

I have heard it a few times but it was directed at a man each time.
I dont think its funny but i think he was just carrying on from your tattoo joke. Granted his was not funny but yours might not have been either.

LockedOutOfMN Fri 11-Nov-16 21:33:10

It was an inappropriate thing to say to anyone. Do you think he was trying to flirt? Maybe you could tell him that you found it inappropriate, rather than telling the instructor?

VeryBitchyRestingFace Fri 11-Nov-16 21:36:25

He said 'oh did I embarrass you?' and laughed in a mocking way, and I just said 'I'm not embarrassed because I'm used to hearing shit like that all day at work'. Wish I'd said more.

I think that seems like a pretty good rejoinder. Better than most could dream up on the spot, I imagine. smile

HumphreyCobblers Fri 11-Nov-16 21:38:27

Yes, you responded really well.

thecolonelbumminganugget Fri 11-Nov-16 21:40:20

It's a crap joke about bumholes that's been doing the rounds since before most of us were born. Man, woman or child, we've all got a bumhole, it's not personal.

PrettyBotanicals Fri 11-Nov-16 21:41:35

I think you're BU. It was a joke he could have made to a man.

He sounds like a bit of a berk though.

Lessthanaballpark Fri 11-Nov-16 21:41:43

I'm not embarrassed because I'm used to hearing shit like that all day at work. Wish I'd said more

Oh I said that once in a similar situation because I didn't want to admit to being embarrassed or offended. It makes you look like a politically correct snowflake. hmm I feel for you.

TwentyCups Fri 11-Nov-16 21:43:44

Good response. I would have been angry, so if you're over sensitive, so am I.
Not funny, innappropriate, and would make me uncomfortable having physical contact with a man who made jokes like that.
I don't think I would report him - unfortunately I don't see what the class instructor could really do. I would just keep my distance from now on.

Lorelei76 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:44:37

If he was pleased to embarrass you I think he's a nasty git. If he says anything similar I'd smile sweetly and say "I'd call you a cunt but you don't have the warmth or the depth".

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess Fri 11-Nov-16 21:45:03

You go to a self-defence class which educates on techniques on how to break free from a rape situation and is predominantly made up of males? I know men can be raped but.... I'm confused.

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