Health Visitor

[Charlalala]

I really am not happy with my HV
DS is 6 weeks tomorrow and is my first child.
She came to my house day 10 and made me feel really inadequate for not knowing about all the sure start classes or having signed up to anything.
DS was also fussy when latching on at first and so was doing the on-off-on-off routine as I had come to get used to before latching for long usual feed and she made me feel like is was doing it all wrong and I got so stressed that I cried and then the baby then wouldn't latch at all and she tried to make me show her my nipples for her to inspect in case they were a problem. (Midwife had already given support and I was attending BF worshop, which I told HV).
Had same HV at 6 week check today and again she made me feel useless because DD had dropped from 98centile to 91centile in weight, and I had to press her to confirm that everything is in fact fine with my 12lb6oz 6 week old baby!
Just can't stand her. She is so patronizing and unsupportive. Bad bedside manor I would call it!

I don't even know if I have to see her again because she didn't make any of that clear if/when next appointment would be and I just wanted to get out of there. DS started crying and she kept asking me why!

Does anyone know how often we have to see the HV and if I should complain to someone or am I being overly sensitive?

Sorry for length and any faux pas - this is my first post!

[ThisUsernameIsAvailable]

You do that have to see her at all, it's optional

[Lules]

6 week check is it until the 9-12 month review which will prob be with someone else anyway. Unless you want to go to the baby clinic and there'll prob be a few of them there so you can wait for another one.

[baconandeggies]

Nope - you don't have to see her at all if you don't want to. It's optional. You might get the occasional letter inviting you for a check up but we ignored them.

Sounds pretty usual for some HVs tbh (crap).

[baconandeggies]

And the baby clinic / weigh ins are optional too.

[LilQueenie]

you can opt out of hv service or change to a new one.

[MadameSilva]

I think frequency depends on the area. I only saw my hv on day 14. No further appointments unless I wanted one. She happened to be working at the weighing clinic one day so I saw her then but I doubt she recognised me.

However, I've just moved to a new area, Dd is 16 months, and I've had a letter and two calls from the new hv team asking to meet with me. They seem a lot more proactive than my last area(!).

[whatsagoodusername]

I never saw ours past the initial visits. She was rubbish, made me feel like crap, and I decided it wasn't worth it. She never made any contact after that until I had DC2.

Some are great. My friends really liked theirs. But if they aren't helping you, then you don't need to see them.

[ditzychick34]

If your HV and midwife are based in the same place, can you chat to her and ask if you can see someone different?
You don't have to see them at all if you don't want

[WordGetsAround]

You don't have to see her at all and you certainly don't need to go to any check ups in the future. I didn't even bother to get mine weighed. Just go for the inoculations and give everything else a miss

[Lules]

madame I think that's standard in a new area - it was for me anyway. HV came round once. Asked me a few questions about whether things were ok and gave me some leaflets on sure start centres and baby clinics in the area and that was it.

[MadameSilva]

lules I get the impression from Mn that mothers see their hv a lot more than I did and the hv are a lot more involved. There are so many threads along the lines of 'my hv said x' when the baby is weeks/months old.

In a side note, Hv get a bad rap on here. I'm actually off to see the new hv next week. My dd has difficulties with eating solids and I suspect she has a posterior tongue tie. My gp has been very dismissive as I didn't struggle with breastfeeding. I have more confidence with this issue with a hv opinion given its something they deal with more often, even if they agree with the gp.

[Mummyme1987]

Hv are marmite I think. Especially on here. It is a optional and you can opt out.

[canihaveacoffeeplease]

Anyone know if you can opt out in Scotland? With the snp's whole named person thingy, I'm pretty sure they are compulsory here...

[EdmundCleverClogs]

I saw mine at about 5 days, then 8 weeks. She told me to visit a surgery that wasn't my own every month, even though she did clinics at mine (which is a heck of a lot closer). I just didn't need to be told about baby classes every month, didn't get PND and had/have plenty of support. Haven't seen her in 11 months now. It's not compulsory and I personally decided that her help was best suited elsewhere. As others say, you don't have to see her, or change your HV if you do want the support (absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to see a HV!).

[Fortitudine]

You don't have to see her. I actually kicked one out of my house as she upset me so much. First she said she hated my newborn's name, then she said that the reason my baby had oral thrush must be because I had terrible hygiene as "it's unheard of in breastfed babies" (not true as I found out from an expert). Some of them are nasty little bitches on power trips.

[LittleWingSoul]

OP and fortitudine so sorry you had such horrible experiences!

We too haven't made much contact since first 6 weeks or so of DS2's life (2.3 years now).

I asked her whether there was much research into alcohol and BFing (I.e. can I have a couple of glasses of vino if I'm BFing). When I saw her the next week she asked me, with a very concerned expression "how's the drinking going?" As if I'd admitted alcoholism to her!

Some of them have a way of making you feel like a right idiot, and with your PFB I totally get why you'd go to all weigh ins etc available (I did) but as PP have said it's not compulsory. FWIW it sounds like you're doing an awesome job with BFing your beautiful bonny baby... A Really great percentile I'd say!

[havingabadhairday]

MadamSilva, I think some deprived areas have extra visits. We did, I felt it was a bit wasted on us, but I suppose it's easier to have a blanket policy and less stigma for those who do need extra help. Luckily our HV was lovely.

[Farmmummy]

I absolutely hated the one for dd1 she clearly couldn't understand preemies and the difference between being medically unable to breastfeed despite trying everything (I had post op complications for 5 months) then basically at 6 months threw my tiny prem about like a sack of spuds whilst weighing her (no I wasn't being pfb she left marks). Needless to say that was the last we saw of her although her superior saw and heard plenty! The one I had with dd2 was lovely I was really sad she left just after 1 year review so haven't seen anyone since

[Patriciathestripper1]

She sounds a right bitch, and if you ask me a bit weird that she wanted to inspect your nipples??
Ask your health centre when she isn't on and go then.
I had a hv younger than me when I had my 4th DD she said because of my age my milk may be not nutritious enough! (My DD was prem but never lost any weight and gained every week) then she tried to tell me my routine was wrong an I shouldn't be letting her fall asleep on my breast. Funny caus it worked great for my other 3 DD?
The point is they don't know everything and if all you are getting from the visits is being made to feel inadequate then don't see her again go to someone else.

[BoboBunnyH0p]

Not a fan of health visitors at all they are a waste of space imo. NHS could save a fortune by getting rid of the lot of them. I luckily never had a bad one, just didn't find them useful.

[missymayhemsmum]

well, you might be being just a little oversensitive.... day 10 visit when you're feeling fragile and hormonal and all that?? I mean health visitor observing that your baby seems to be struggling to latch on and wondering why, and offering details of local baby clubs etc seems fairly inoffensive really.
perhaps she was tired and just trying to do her job?

[BlurryFace]

You can change your HV, I did with mine who made snide comments about us "waiting to get a mansion" because we were living in damp, cramped crisis accommodation while waiting for social housing. She also used a high pitched baby voice to say to my baby "you want your mummy to give you real food, don't you? Yes you do!" When I told her he sometimes got jars as well as the ususal pasta, veggies, sandwiches etc.

The HV I've got now is lovely and tells me to follow my instincts, I'm a natural mum etc, when the old one made me feel shit.

[Tiredtomybones]

I made a formal complaint about my HV after she visited us at home when DS was 13 days old. I actually think it was her shitty attitude and loaded, leading questions that tipped me into PND. I have never forgiven her for the "advice" she gave and the way she made me feel. I opted out of attending clinic to have him weighed when DS was 3 months old. DS is now 3 and was in A&E recently, HV called me to follow it up and wanted to see me in clinic to check him over. I just said no. No further contact. We see our GP with issues, which is the only advice the HV team here gives anyway.

[CostaAddict]

Coffee HV involvement in Scotland is still an optional service. The legislation wasn't passed in court so as yet it's not a legal requirement. All I can say is if a HV has concerns as well as a non-engaging family these concerns can be escalated to SS/CPA and GP. It would have to be pretty serious concerns though for action to be taken.

OP sounds like your HV is unsupportive and unprofessional. You can either opt out the service completely or request a new HV. Although the likelihood you'll see her again for visits is slim. 6 month checks and subsequent assessments are usually carried out by staff nurses if your local service have a multi-skilled team.

I hate seeing the negative attitudes of some HV's. Especially at a time when you're at your most vulnerable and need support. Congrats on your baby

[Lazyafternoon]

I'm with you. I think I had a different HV each time so it's not like I just got a 'bad one', they were all awful and made me feel like shit. Like you felt they were patronising, just telling me off for doing things 'wrong' and had no clue about me and my DS. They'd have me in tears about breastfeeding, DS weight, god knows what else. Yes I was in pain and hormonal but god they were horrible.

I now know they aren't actually essential or anything. One positive is that if and when I ever have a 2nd child I know I can just nod and smile and ignore every single thing they say or if I want to can not make the appointments or even tell them I need them to leave now.

Bumps and babes groups with other mums in same boat and the local Childrens Centre were a life line for me. Finding other people who were patient and understanding and could ask the questions I wanted to ask and not be lectured to was what I needed!

YADNBU Just ignore the HV.