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To not tell my dh

(4 Posts)
MadJeffBarn Fri 11-Nov-16 17:26:49

So I'll try and keep this short, dh is in media. He's currently running a funding campaign to try and get a project finished (not unusual in his line of interest). His dad popped over and we had a chat, and the subject of it came up. He hasn't contributed, and it hasn't gone unnoticed by my dh. His whole life he's been made to feel second best to his half sisters, which even in his mid 30s still upsets him. Dfil explained he hasn't yet contributed because he had to pay out for a weekend away for dh sisters 21st birthday. Now while I completely understand a 21st birthday is important, dh will see it as yet another reminder he's second best, particularly as for his 21st he could barely arrange a meal with his dad and family, let alone an all expenses paid weekend away (as far as I'm aware not much has changed in their financial status since then). He's never expected a huge amount, just some acknowledgment of the hard work he's putting in would suffice as, before he met me, no one really supported his dream.
If dh brings it up again (as it does genuinely upset him) should I tell him the reason why his dad hasn't contributed and risk upsetting him or keep quiet?
I know it all sounds petty but there's obviously a lot more to the story, 30+ years worth of being made to feel inadequate takes its toll.

OhNoNotMyBaby Fri 11-Nov-16 17:29:28

But why should his dad be obliged to contribute to something your DH is doing for work?

That's like expecting all mothers to sponsor your child for something... which I never did btw...

Of course his dad would prioritise his DD's 21st over his son's work project.

MadJeffBarn Fri 11-Nov-16 17:34:19

I think he just sees it as an acknowledgment- hes finally making headway in his career. I see what you're saying though.

Joz157 Fri 11-Nov-16 17:35:59

I would be tempted not to tell him. But he also has to come to terms with that how his dad is, for what ever reason. Maybe he thinks his son is able to stand on his own feet and the girls need more looking after. I had a cousin there was only the two of us left in our side of the family. She was godmother to two of my children yet her workmates and friends we're more important to her than us. We just had come to realize that's how she was. And I think that's what your dh has to realize too. And I know this might be awful but if dh dad dies and leaves a will hate to think whats gonna be in it.

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