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Dd and Facetime

(10 Posts)
Cloudhopping Fri 11-Nov-16 14:01:47

My dd is 10, (11 in May) and in year 6. All the girls in her class FaceTime text message each other constantly. She accesses FaceTime through the family iPad and she doesn't have a phone but has asked for one for Christmas.

She has had long term issues with another girl in her class which the school is aware of. I know these things are rarely black and white but at times I think it's tipped into bullying behaviour from this girl with my dd becoming very upset about various issues. After yet another incident which the school were involved in, I have told my dd to stay away from this girl where possible but the school is very small. We have talked numerous times about FaceTime messaging and I have a set of rules for its usage around safety but also around being kind, not getting into arguments, ignoring mean stuff etc and we discussed these again last night. She is aware we can see everything she writes on there if we want.

Most of the things she writes are pretty harmless but this morning she has opened up an old FaceTime messaging thread to this girl who has been quite mean to her and another girl and written something about a past argument which could be construed as antagonistic ( not really bad or mean, just foolish). I am so cross with her for contacting this girl but also for using FaceTime in this way. She's actually quite a bright girl but the 'rules' of FaceTime etc just don't seem to be sinking in. This isn't the first time she's written things which although not actually mean, have made situations or petty arguments worse and I'm worried she just doesn't have the maturity yet.

AIBU for stopping her using FaceTime messaging until she's mature enough or would it be better for her to use it and learn through her own mistakes when communicating with her friends? I also don't want her to feel isolated from her friends. Help!!!

FameNameGameLame Fri 11-Nov-16 14:25:08

I wish I had an answer for you. we aren't there yet just thought I'd comment to say hope you work it out and bump it up for you to see if anyone else has better advice.

Cloudhopping Fri 11-Nov-16 14:43:28

Thanks fame.

Snowflakes1122 Fri 11-Nov-16 14:55:59

I have a daughter the same age. Exactly the same regarding face timing her mates lots.

Is there a way to block this girl so your daughter doesn't see her on there? This is what I would look into.

I wouldn't stop her, but I'd keep a close eye on her with it. I do monitor my daughter messages and photos she posts online, as they don't tend to think before they speak let alone type at this age.

Good luck-this stage is so hard with social media/internet!

Snowflakes1122 Fri 11-Nov-16 14:56:42

Also, as my daughter knows I am keeping an eye on her it tends to help her think about what she's doing more!

Cloudhopping Fri 11-Nov-16 15:09:44

Thanks Snowflakes. We did block the girl in question but this created more problems in that my dd couldn't see anything this girl had written in group chats, which led on one occasion to my dd replying to someone else and the other girl thinking the reply was aimed at her (as she didn't know she was blocked). Wish FaceTime had never been invented!

FarAwayHills Fri 11-Nov-16 15:51:52

YANBU personally I think 10 is too young and it does sound like she does not have the maturity to deal with this yet.

BackforGood Fri 11-Nov-16 15:55:30

I think this is why Facebook isn't supposed to be for anyone U13. I know Facetime isn't FB, but it's the same principle - 10 yr olds are generally not going to be as mature as 13 yr olds who are hardly the most mature people in life. Fact.

FameNameGameLame Fri 11-Nov-16 16:12:44

Just writing fact after a sentence doesn't make it fact.
But you do have a valid point apart from that.

BackforGood Fri 11-Nov-16 16:14:23


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