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AIBU to think that parents who have had a child removed for abuse shouldn't be sharing 'I love my daughter' posts on Facebook?

(127 Posts)
user1478863067 Fri 11-Nov-16 13:55:22

My brother and his wife look after their niece who was abused by her birth parents. The child has no contact with her parents, and as jobless no-hopers, they don't contribute in any way to her life. She was taken into care after they neglected and harmed her (the dire state of their home was worthy of a Daily Mail photo story), but because the family court operates in secrecy, they have been pedaling lies and messages of 'I'd do anything for my daughter' and 'we're victims of injustice' for years. My brother maintains a dignified silence whilst they slag him off to anyone that will listen.

I feel like posting the truth on their pages so that no-one else falls for their BS, but know that I'd just end up getting blocked - and possibly facing 'contempt of court' charges.

So, Mumsnetters - what would you do?

TeenAndTween Fri 11-Nov-16 13:56:43

Stay out of it.

moreslackthanslick Fri 11-Nov-16 13:57:22

I'd block them myself to not see their shit. HTH.

Couchpotato3 Fri 11-Nov-16 13:58:21

Anyone with half a brain will have worked out what is really going on. No good can come of posting things on Facebook in this situation. Ignore, and block them if they are upsetting you.

SuperManStoleMyPants Fri 11-Nov-16 13:59:15

The people who matter know the truth. Block them and ignore.

ineedamoreadultieradult Fri 11-Nov-16 13:59:27

Stay out of it and say nothing.

Arfarfanarf Fri 11-Nov-16 13:59:27


I would do nothing that had potential to cause a problem either for the child or for your brother.

Anyone who knew them when they had custody of the child knows. Anyone who saw the state of their house knows.

It does not matter who slags him off. He knows the truth, the courts know the truth. Do not give these people anything they can use to create trouble. That's just handing them a gift with a pretty bow on top.

PortiaCastis Fri 11-Nov-16 14:02:39

Stay out of it

hazell42 Sat 12-Nov-16 10:19:32

Stay out of it. They may well love their daughter. Being incompetent parents, even bad parents, doesn't mean they don't love her. And it may make their daughter feel a bit better in years to come if she realises they haven't forgotten her. What is to be gained by saying something, except for making you feel better. Take a leaf out of your brother's book. After all, he probably wouldn't thank you either.

SquawkFish Sat 12-Nov-16 10:26:39

For the child's privacy STAY OUT OF IT.

MythicalChicken Sat 12-Nov-16 10:29:01

Being incompetent parents, even bad parents, doesn't mean they don't love her. And it may make their daughter feel a bit better in years to come if she realises they haven't forgotten her.

This. Absolutely this.

WhatsGoingOnEh Sat 12-Nov-16 10:32:14

Realy horrible that they slag off your brother. Really off. You'd think, if they really loved their daughter more than themselves, that they'd be humbled and grateful to him for looking after her.

Giratina Sat 12-Nov-16 10:33:17

Ah yes the "we're victims of injustice" line. I've seen that on Facebook too before. Sure you are, of course social services take kids away for no reason at all don't they hmm.

I'd be thinking the same as you OP but the sensible thing to do is keep out of it.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sat 12-Nov-16 10:34:36

Ime abusive parents tend to shout very loudly about their love for their child, I've also known a few children to be taken off their parents through the years and it's always an injustice, social worker with a vendetta or someone lying.

For everyone's sake I'd delete these people off fb, keeping them on there will serve no purpose other than to wind you up.

SaucyJack Sat 12-Nov-16 10:37:23

We have a similar situation in our own family, and we all just stay well out of it.

Complete and utter denial on the part of the birth mother. It's a self-protection mechanism. There's no point saying anything (even if you were to lower yourself) because these sorts of people have convinced themselves that they are the victim in their own life story, and that they mustn't be expected to take responsibility.

Lucy7400 Sat 12-Nov-16 10:38:08

Agree with everyone else. Dont post anything. Most people will realise whats going on as children are not removed without a reason.

winterisnigh Sat 12-Nov-16 10:39:57

i would block them from FB and hope your db does too and back out of social media in that respect.

SarcasmMode Sat 12-Nov-16 10:44:12

The kind of people who have their kids removed are the kind of people who don't think whether something is offensive/tactless etc.
DHs cousin had her child taken off as she left him with anyone, used drugs and was with someone violent. 2 years later she still posts how much Mummy misses him.

Now yes I'm sure she must've loved him but if she cared that much she wouldn't have done whAt she did. She likes to blame SS for him being taken away too.

SarcasmMode Sat 12-Nov-16 10:48:25

IRT your brothers situation as frustrating as it is block them. You don't want to get into trouble and you equally don't need to wind yourself up with their shit.

Don't do what I did when someone posted about something bad they did being messed up (I put lol in the comment box).

I'm sure many will know what they really are like - you can't hide a hideously dirty home/drug taking/violent attitude for long.

5notrumps Sat 12-Nov-16 10:53:34

The majority of children who suffer abuse do so because their parents are inadequate and cannot cope. There is almost always a family history of abuse going back generations compounded by drug, alcohol and other MH problems which are themselves cause and effect of that abuse. Abusive parents do not hate their children any more than you do yours

Hopefully removing this child to your DB's home will help to break the cycle of abuse in this particular case. But it is inevitable that a child who has suffered abuse and neglect in their early years will grow up with problems of their own. It will be easier for them to deal with issues around self esteem if they understand that their birth parents loved them but that they could not cope because they were addicts/were abused themselves etc and could not cope. As they grow up they will constantly be asking themselves what was wrong with them. Implying they were not loved - which they will interpret as them being unloveable - will compound the damage.

The best thing that you can do for this child is to be a stable, loving presence in their life. This will be particularly important during adolescence when many of these issues will emerge.

Forget FB. Do not get involved with the birth parents yourself. Have a look at some of the adoption/fostering boards on here. They are great sources of advice/experience on this theme.

Olympiathequeen Sat 12-Nov-16 10:55:28

Block them and your DB should do the same. Anyone who knows them will know this is BS and not be taken in. I agree maybe they do love their DD but slagging off your DB makes me doubt they are in any way loving parents who deserve contacts. Their 'love' sounds on the level of people who buy a puppy at Christmas and dump it on the motorway a few weeks later.

thingsthatgoflumpinthenight Sat 12-Nov-16 11:07:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thingsthatgoflumpinthenight Sat 12-Nov-16 11:08:10

Oh fuck Completely wrong post - sorry

Interesting2Me Sat 12-Nov-16 11:13:38

Agree with everyone else: ignore.

There was a thread on mumsnet not too long ago about whether children were removed too easily from homes. One such "mummy" posted. Reading between the lines of her story, she was allowing her boyfriend to sexually abuse her child and refused to end the relationship when ss got involved. The kids were removed from her.

In her mind she was the victim. Now she'd lost them, obviously(!) she knew it was wrong and she felt she should have her kids back. She literally posted this on mumsnet looking for sympathy. Scarily, she got it! People felt sorry for her. But they also knew ss did the right thing. People like that can't be helped and anyone who has half a brain will understand that.

People simply do not lose custody of their children anymore without fault.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess Sat 12-Nov-16 11:16:33

Put the child first and stay the heck out. You don't know what the repercussions may be.

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