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To not ask a child to my DD's birthday party

(85 Posts)
Downwilson Fri 11-Nov-16 13:24:54

There are 12 girls in my DD2's Year 2 class at school. Her next birthday is coming up and she will be 7. For previous birthday parties I've sent invitations via the teacher to every child in the class.

Anyway, there is one particular parent who has ignored the last 2 invitations and her DD hasn't come (No apology, no text, no acknowledgement.Nothing) . The teacher assured me the invitations were put in the child's schoolbag.

I thought that maybe there was a good reason for this (rudeness) and put it down to some personal beliefs or previous commitments.

I know the mother vaguely and I've since been to parties of other children in the class and there she was with her DD.

So she's just a rude cow, who can't be arsed even acknowledging an invite.

So AIBU if I don't send an invitation to her DD for the next birthday party? It seems a bit unkind to not invite her daughter (who is not unfriendly with mine) but I'm just not sure how to handle it.

Bluntness100 Fri 11-Nov-16 13:26:20

You need to invite her, uou can't exclude one child. She prob won't come anyway, but uou can't not invite.

harderandharder2breathe Fri 11-Nov-16 13:27:25

Yabu to exclude 1 child because of something her mother did a year ago that may have been for any number of reasons

Wolfiefan Fri 11-Nov-16 13:27:45

It's not about you really. Does your daughter want this girl there?
We either invite some of or all of a class. I'd feel a bit off not inviting one.

centreyourself Fri 11-Nov-16 13:32:22

How you 'handle it' depends on how vindictive you are. So you don't like the mother and want to spite her for her ignorance? Think if another way of doing it if you have to be spiteful other than taking out in the child.

centreyourself Fri 11-Nov-16 13:33:30

My 'o' and 'i' keeping sticking on phone hmm

MaryTheCanary Fri 11-Nov-16 13:33:56

Hmmm--could there be language barriers?

MissDuke Fri 11-Nov-16 13:34:42

I would invite her but just write on her invite to please RSVP by such a date as you need to confirm numbers with the venue by then (if this is relevant). If numbers aren't an issue then just see what happens.

This happened to us and I have since got to know the mum better. Her ds attended our party this year - she has never mentioned the other 3 parties that she did not respond to and has said her ds was so excited to go this year as he doesn't get many invites (has SN). I honestly don't know if her ds lost the invites or if previously she was worried about his behaviour or something. I am glad I persevered though.

RentANDBills Fri 11-Nov-16 13:36:19

YABVU, the child has done nothing wrong and would likely be very upset to be the one child in an entire class not invited to something.

Some people are rude unfortunately, though there could be any number of reasons why she didn't RSVP to you before.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 11-Nov-16 13:36:29

If you want to invite all the girls, you have to invite ALL the girls, including this girl. Yiu cannot blame her, for her mothers actions. Mabey remind the mum if you have not heard, is X coming to Minidowns party! She woukd love her to come. Very mean to exclude 1 child because of this.

Nanny0gg Fri 11-Nov-16 13:38:01

Would it kill you to invite her? It's not the child's fault the mother is rude.

At least she will know she is wanted even if her mother ignores you again.

golfbuggy Fri 11-Nov-16 13:38:50

Why on earth didn't you contact the mother the first 2 times to check? Yes, she should have replied, but with the best will in the world people forget and overlook things.

It would be incredibly mean to exclude the girl on the basis of something her mum might have done last year!

AmeliaJack Fri 11-Nov-16 13:40:19

I'd invite her but assume she wasn't coming unless she RSVP'd.

Downwilson Fri 11-Nov-16 13:46:47

Thank you for the feedback.

Yes, I agree with you all. I will invite her.

Her mother is a local businesswoman and I know language is not the issue. I'm also pretty sure it's not a religious thing either. It's just rudeness.

Could I maybe launch a local anti-rudeness campaign? It's rife where I live.

ManaFleet Fri 11-Nov-16 13:52:22

You can't really mean that you'd exclude the little girl to punish her mother? I just got a lurch in my stomach thinking of the moment she finds out that all her classmates except her have been invited. Please don't do that to her, it's not her fault that her mum has no manners.

Bluntness100 Fri 11-Nov-16 13:52:34

Honestly, I wouldn't just assume the mother is rude, my daughter had a terrible habit of forgetting and losing invites, used to put me in a terrible position, sometimes she would bring it out the day before the party, all screwed up from her school bag, with a mum mum I forgot, and I've clearly got no clue if there was any we missed.

It could also be the mother forgot if she was busy, as in forgot to rsvp and then felt she shouldn't send the kid, or the kid produced the invite after the rsvp cut off, sometimes shit happens.

Wrinklytights Fri 11-Nov-16 13:55:07

It's not that rude not to reply to a party invite! I have found lots of invites in pockets or at the bottom of bags after the date has passed. I always get a fair number of non-responders to invites to my kids' parties too. It's no big deal especially when you're inviting the whole class. YWBVU to punish the child for this.

MrsEricBana Fri 11-Nov-16 13:55:08

Yup, invite, hand write on it "Please let me know if X can come, thanks" and assume she's not if no response. Poor child.

formerbabe Fri 11-Nov-16 13:55:33

I'd invite her. It's not the child's fault.

HanYOLO Fri 11-Nov-16 13:57:25

I would hand the little girl the invitation in person, in the playground, in front of her mother. Then a breezy, "really hope she can come this time, do let me know", flash a smile and away you go.

But tbh, you have no idea what is going on in their lives, it doesn't mean rudeness. And despite the teacher's protestations the book bag method is very unreliable. My children have managed to disappear all sorts of vital stuff.

TuttiFrutti Fri 11-Nov-16 13:57:41

I will go against the grain here and say that in your position I would not invite the girl.

These parties can be expensive, often you are paying per head, and why should you keep shelling out money for someone who can't be arsed to even reply? I know it's the mother, not the daughter, who is at fault but you have invited her twice before and she hasn't even bothered to answer, let alone turn up. It's so rude and thoughtless.

DixieWishbone Fri 11-Nov-16 13:59:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyandWhite Fri 11-Nov-16 14:00:03

I'd invite her but probably ask the mum face to face if her DD can make it.

PterodactylToenails Fri 11-Nov-16 14:00:38

There is one parent who always does this in our class, and as it happens I am currently waiting for a RSVP from her now. Really annoys me because she is actually taking the space of someone else who could have come to the party! it is SO rude especially as I know there is no communication barrier!

Clandestino Fri 11-Nov-16 14:03:14

Hmmm--could there be language barriers?

Please, please stop using language barriers as a convenient excuse for rudeness of people. There's rarely a genuine language barrier. 99% of the time it's about people being arseholes and ignoring good manners.

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