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... to feel a bit sad and guilty

(6 Posts)
ScoutFinchMockingbird Fri 11-Nov-16 12:49:27

I have a 5 year old DD so I realise I am lucky in comparison to some. But my 2.5 year conception journey to provide her with a sibling has just resulted in heartbreak following failed IVF. My conception problems relate to POF and I feel guilty as DH wanted to try for another child fairly soon after DD was born. If he'd had his way, would we have been successful? I am torturing myself I know. I didn't want to at that stage due to PND, no local family, DH having the sort of job that isn't very family friendly etc. But now I have let us all down and I am sobbing quietly on my sofa. Come and boot me back up please!

Princecharlesfirstwife Fri 11-Nov-16 12:55:58

well, you haven't let anyone down - you need to keep telling yourself that. And you made the choices you made at the time for all the right reasons (sorry I don't know what POF means). And you're absolutely allowed to grieve and to give yourself as long as you need to do so - you don't need a kick up the backside at all.

pipsqueak25 Fri 11-Nov-16 12:56:11

bigs hugs and tissues for you, your post is so sad and i feel for you it must have been so hard for you as a family.
perhaps you could see your gp and get some counselling in place ?
be reassured you haven't let anyone down, some time things don't work out as we plan and there is a reason for that, is it possible you could try ivf again ?

DrWhooves Fri 11-Nov-16 12:58:52

Be kind to yourself, it's not the end of the world if DD doesn't have a sibling. I have an only child and no plans to TTC again for various reasons, she is far from lonely and there are plenty of advantages to being an only. Hope you feel better soon flowers

Turquoisetamborine Fri 11-Nov-16 13:03:35

You haven't let anyone down. I'm so sorry it didn't work for you. I don't know what POF means sorry but my story is pretty similar.
I wouldn't say I had pnd but I struggled when my son was born with the loss of my identity and couldn't contemplate another child til he was 3.5. H would have been happy either way with one or more.

To cut a long story short I had scarring from my c-section which meant we needed IVF twice. I could have died from the pain when the first attempt failed but I learned so much from that first cycle and the second one worked and I now have a toddler son.

IVF rarely works the first time. Could you have another go?

ScoutFinchMockingbird Fri 11-Nov-16 13:05:23

POF means "Premature Ovarian failure" and because we already have a child, we have to pay for ivf. We can't afford a 2nd round.
Thanks for the sympathy everyone xx

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