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To join in on a "boys" night out?

(54 Posts)
Middleagedmumoftwo Thu 10-Nov-16 19:51:49

So, we have a male friend that both my partner and I have known for years. All of us have gone out every couple of weeks together with various other friends male and female, depending who can get babysitters (we don't need one). Yesterday he informed me that him and two of the males were off out tonight to our usual haunt on our usual night, but I shouldn't go as it's "boys only". Just interested in other opinions on far as I'm concerned we are all friends and I couldn't care what gender they are!

YelloDraw Thu 10-Nov-16 19:55:32

No I wouldn't go on a boys night out unless invited. Which you are not! I would go and meet the guys if it wasn't specifically a 'guy' thing.

foxtrotoscarfoxtrotfoxtrot Thu 10-Nov-16 19:57:47

Having a night out just men, or just women is totally normal and actually quite healthy. YWBU to gatecrash. Organise a night out with some female friends and leave him at home next time.

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 10-Nov-16 19:58:13

Personally I'd let him go if that is what they've decided thry want. There are times when I want a just girls night. Dynamics do change when its mixed. Maybe your DH/DP gets stick for always having his missus tagging along.

Aeroflotgirl Thu 10-Nov-16 20:00:24

YAbVU it's a boys night out, no women! Unless your invited, why should you go! Yiur partner is entitled to do things on his own without you!

GruochMacAlpin Thu 10-Nov-16 20:00:48

They want to change the dynamic for some reason. Perhaps one of the group has something they want to discuss with his make friends.

I'd just take the opportunity to to arrange a night with my female friends.

DonaldStott Thu 10-Nov-16 20:03:55

Oh god. I wouldn't want to go the pub with dh and his mates if their oh's weren't going. Likewise he wouldn't want to come on a night of with me and my female friends/sisters.

bloodyteenagers Thu 10-Nov-16 20:06:13

Don't see what the problem is. They want time just with the guys. It happens.

JenLindleyShitMom Thu 10-Nov-16 20:06:38

You go out with them all the time, why do you need to be present this time? Can't they have some time without you there?

Notonthestairs Thu 10-Nov-16 20:10:54

What Gruoch said sounds right. Leave them to it for one night.

BackforGood Thu 10-Nov-16 20:14:15

YWBU to gatecrash a night you aren't invited to, yes.
I don't have a problem with "just the boys" or "just the girls" going for a night out. Nor do I have a problem being the only female with a group at other times, it's just that this time, you aren't invited.

HermioneJeanGranger Thu 10-Nov-16 20:23:47

Isn't he allowed out on his own?

Whocansay Thu 10-Nov-16 20:39:26

If you do it changes the dynamic. They've said it's a boys night out. If you gatecrash, I imagine they will resent it. You don't mind? Be aware that they might.

I've been on nights out with just the girls. Occasionally one of them brings her husband. We like him, but it pisses us right off when they do this as it is not the same.

monkeywithacowface Thu 10-Nov-16 20:45:52

Crashing a boys night out is one thing when you're a single friend of the group but a girlfriend gate crashing would be annoying. Having a couple on an otherwise non couples night is a bit tedious.

pikapoo Thu 10-Nov-16 20:46:54

as far as I'm concerned we are all friends and I couldn't care what gender they are!

But it's not about you though - it's about them, they'd like a boys' night out. YABU.

AnyFucker Thu 10-Nov-16 20:49:34

Oh God, don't be that embarassing limpit woman on a boys night out

In our circle there is a woman who insisted on going to every occasion her male partner went to

It was pitiful. Of course, she didn't trust him and it came out later he was a Shagger. Who knew ?

Is your bloke a Shagger ?

Trills Thu 10-Nov-16 20:52:10

Sometimes people I am friends with do things without me. I don't have to be explicitly "not invited" because I don't live with any of them, but I am not invited.

Friends get together in different combinations. Sometimes you will be left out. When one of the people going is your partner, you might have to be told that you are left out this time.

dontbesillyhenry Thu 10-Nov-16 20:54:25

Same anyfucker it just reeks of insecurity/attention seeking

BoomBoomsCousin Thu 10-Nov-16 20:55:22

If they've never had "boys nights" before I understand why this bothers you. It's very normal in our society, but for you with this group you've never had this barrier before and I can see why it would suddenly make you feel sidelined (because you are being!). It also seems a bit off of your partner to arrange at short notice a night out from which you are excluded at a time you are expecting to go out with him. Really thoughtlessly done by him and the other friends going.

StarBears Thu 10-Nov-16 20:57:18

Hang on, people. Before you get all indignant on OP's Poor Old DP, can you re-read the bit that says: "Yesterday he informed me that him and two of the males were off out tonight to our usual haunt on our usual night, but I shouldn't go as it's "boys only"."

So OP is being told not to go the day before, on a night that is both theirs usual and a place that is both theirs? It would be different if OP's DP had discussed it with her, but he's blocking her from a usual night she would have been expecting to go on!!!!

OP: Tell your DP that's fine, but make sure you are also going out on your usual night to your usual haunt and it's girls only, next time. See how he likes it.

lastqueenofscotland Thu 10-Nov-16 20:57:52

You've not been invited, YABU

Patriciathestripper1 Thu 10-Nov-16 20:59:11


StarBears Thu 10-Nov-16 21:01:31

lastqueen OP has actually been excluded from her usual night out. Read the OP.

It's different to her OP setting up a boys night out in advance with his own mates. These are totally mutual mates and the venue is one that they all go to, all the time.

Obviously her DP has discussed this with their mutual male friends and made arrangements outside of the usual set-up but not discussed it with her! and then dumped it on her the day before!

AnyFucker Thu 10-Nov-16 21:03:12

No need for "tit for tat"

Just arrange a girls night out. No drama.

StarBears Thu 10-Nov-16 21:06:54

It's not "tit for tat" which indicates a punishment AnyFucker, it's more about reasserting some equality into the situation. I don't like how OP was told she wasn't allowed when it was her night out equally too in the first place and her DP knows that.

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