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To be finding parenting harder and harder as the years go on?

(82 Posts)
user1478795570 Thu 10-Nov-16 16:46:01

This is mainly to see if I'm alone, also to see what I can do about it.

I absolutely adored having babies. I think it was because at this age they were portable, they went where I went, and meeting their needs was easy. Warmth, clean, held, loved. That was it.

To be totally honest I found ages 2-3 hideous but thought that was normal, it was the relentlessness of it that got me down. Endless screaming and "mummy, mummy, mummy!" I knew that was all normal though and thought we'd come through it.

The fact is though I don't enjoy being a parent. My children are now 11 and 9. I often struggle to have conversations with them, which goes against the popular adage of "they are easier when you can talk to them" - mine just either talk incessantly about subjects I've little to no interest in (although of course I feign it but I find it's a one way street) or (not very often) we are having a conversation but it's on two different levels.

I don't convey any of this to them and they are lovely, ordinary nice children. I love them; I'd give my life for them in an instant, yet I don't really massively enjoy being in their company either.

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 10-Nov-16 17:08:41

Each stage brings there own problems. My 15 year old has hit party central time and is now officially a Kevin the Teenager.

My oldest (24) who was sometimes a right royal pain in the arse is generally an ok human being now! grin

Grin and bear each stage. Enjoy the nice days, grit your teeth and get on with the other day. Before you know it they leave and you'll wish they were around still.

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 10-Nov-16 17:08:56

argh "their"

anniroc Thu 10-Nov-16 17:11:25

YANBU. I enjoyed the baby stage a lot more. Life was so much simpler then. Now life is busy, worrying and stressful. Do you follow the Peter and Jane blog? She has it spot on.

sj257 Thu 10-Nov-16 17:15:56

Mine are 8 and 10, I'm struggling at the moment as I thought all the worries I had when they were small would go away as they grew up. I actually worry more now about the future, what school will they go to, will they get in with the wrong crowd etc etc. It's exhausting me at the minute.

And yes some conversations with them are totally bizarre 😂

orangepudding Thu 10-Nov-16 17:17:04

I loved the baby stage. My youngest of 3 is 8, he has ASD. I saw some of his baby pictures the other day and really feel like I miss him as a baby.
So YANBU in my view, there is more to worry about as they get older!

KathArtic Thu 10-Nov-16 17:21:31

Don't worry - 11 and 9 is still quite young. Mine are teens now and we have some great conversations, ranging from Brexit & Trump to chocolate and makeup.

Both have jobs too which we feel is very important.

I think this is the best stage.

TheDowagerCuntess Thu 10-Nov-16 17:28:49

I found the baby/toddler stage hellish.

Mine are 6 and 7 now, and I have been finding it a lot easier, ever since they got to about 4 and 5.

I feel like we're in the lovely, easy limbo bit right now - they still think DH and I are amazing and the font of all knowledge, we know where they are all the time, we organise their social lives, they're too young for the secret life of iPhones, they hold conversation and can be rationalised with. Tantrums are a distant memory.

It's great, but I know it's only a few short years before it all changes.

NicknameUsed Thu 10-Nov-16 17:29:06

I found the primary school years the easiest and the teenage years the hardest.

c3pu Thu 10-Nov-16 17:30:17

I adore my eldest now he's grown up a bit... Now that I've corrected the worst of his behaviour over the years 😂

My youngest has always been a bit easier to get on with, but as they've grown up I've found it gets easier. Babies are a PITA, I found them more like pets lol.

Prawnofthepatriarchy Thu 10-Nov-16 17:30:47

I think everyone has their favourite stage of childhood. I loved under 4s and teenagers. The age OP mentions, 11 and 9, I found a bit boring too. They develop their own interests, but these interests are often very dull from an adult perspective. Luckily for me, the teens cover 12 to early 20s in real terms and I'm still loving it!

I don't think anyone should beat themselves up for not always finding their DC fascinating.

Eolian Thu 10-Nov-16 17:39:05

I find the opposite tbh. Mine get easier. They weren't particularly difficult babies, but it's such a 24/7 responsibility until they are quite a bit older. Mine are 8 and 11 and I find them very good company. They are pretty good at entertaining themselves too, so I spend less active time with them than when they were little. I gueß it helps that lots of their interests are thjngs I can appreciate and happily talk to them about though. Maybe that side of things will get easier for you as they get to be teenage.

WhooooAmI24601 Thu 10-Nov-16 17:43:26

Mine are 11 and 5 and I love the ages they are. They get along well, can spend time in one another's company, can get on with things when asked to, can understand reasoning and can argue their points without tantrums and madness. It's lovely. Also, they are interested in similar hobbies to me; horse riding, rugby and art, so we have plenty of common ground.

franincisco Thu 10-Nov-16 18:28:54

YANBU. I had mine very close in age and loved it. We were living the "instagra, dream". Loads of activities, messy play, reading, out door activities etc.

They are nearly all teens now and there are days I can barely muster the strength to have a conversation with them. I actually find them rather irritating too.

MaQueen Thu 10-Nov-16 19:17:10

I disliked the baby and toddler years. Just dull, dull and repetitive. I only started to really enjoy them properly when they turned 3. And ever since it has just got easier and better.

They're now 12 & 13 and parenting is a doddle, and I love it. They're pretty well house trained. They tuck themselves away in their rooms a lot (what teens don't?), or disappear into their bathroom with armfuls of lotions and potions, for hours...and hours...

But when they venture out they're pleasant company - easy going, sunny natured, a bit dippy and endlessly chatty...conversation over dinner tonight ranged from what killed Edward the best way to load the Donald Trump...

It's great smile

IneedAdinosaurNickname Thu 10-Nov-16 19:20:30

Yanbu. Mine are 12 and 10. I loved being a mum when they were small. And I know I was a good mum. Better than good.
I'm not anymore. I'm a crap mum. sad

HubbleBubbles Thu 10-Nov-16 19:36:06

I'm the opposite, I was bloody useless with babies, had pnd which didn't help, but couldn't stand the total dependence. They were both terrible sleepers & I didn't get much of a break. Weaning and potty training were also low points. Weirdly I loved childbirth though!
Mine are 4 and 7 and I adore them at the moment. i reserve the right to go off them again at some stage !! Think it's normal smile

Penhacked Thu 10-Nov-16 19:48:51

Rose. Tinted. Glasses.

Come do a half hour car journey or cleaning up after dinner with my nine month old and you'll be begging for your nine year old back grin

Veggiesupremeextracheese Thu 10-Nov-16 19:52:15

I completely agree op, the older my son has got, the harder I find it. However, I adore spending time with my babies. It makes me feel like a terrible person sad.

MaQueen Thu 10-Nov-16 21:39:13

Hubble I had PND too, and hated that my baby was totally dependent on me 24/7. Found it suffocating.

Yet, my MIL was never happier than when DH was born and she literally sat on the sofa for 18 hours a day just holding him.

ittooshallpass Thu 10-Nov-16 22:13:28

I adored birth to around age 5. DR was an easy baby, adorable toddler (no tantrums!) and a bright and inquisitive pre-schooler.

Now age 7 I struggle. Hate the homework battles. The boring conversations and kids tv. Love her but find it dull. Much preferred the baby years. The snuggles, giggles and learning, learning, learning. Loved all the 'firsts'. As soon as went to school I switched off. Find the projects she does boring. Hope it picks up again soon! Seeing pictures of her as a baby make me so sad... i loved every second... and i don't feel like that now. I really miss my baby!

megletthesecond Thu 10-Nov-16 22:18:57

Yanbu. 10 & 8 here and it's killing me. One that's not a great sleeper and an early waker. Won't do as their told for love nor money, argumentative beyond belief and fight like honey badgers. I've got a chest infection brewing and want to sleep but my 8yr old is still mucking around and making a mess, she started trying to kick me when I turned her light off so I've come back to bed to wait for her to drop off.

GettingitwrongHauntingatnight Fri 11-Nov-16 09:24:50

Totally normal!

Velvian Fri 11-Nov-16 09:40:48

I have also become a worse parent over the years; I seem to have less patience the older I get. DD talks constantly (she is very quiet at school) and I have often had enough when she gets in to bed and is still talking about something draining; I tell her to stop talking as it's time to sleep. I feel horrible and I worry I am stifling her character. I can only take so much though. Doesn't help that ds2 is properly "naughty" and delights in disobedience. You are not alone.

StartledByHisFurryShorts Fri 11-Nov-16 09:51:24

Kids that age can be pretty obsessive about stuff, can't they? Can you find a shared interest with them. DD and I were both fairly obsessed with Doctor Who when she was around this age. Pretty sure we bored the fuck out of my parents, though! smile

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