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Only children - To be utterly fucked off

(211 Posts)
JackShit Thu 10-Nov-16 08:13:53

...with reading constant hurtful posts on here all the damn time?!

"Ooh I could never have just one, that would be cruel"

"I want to give DS a sibling as it would be unfair otherwise"

Lonely...fucking blah blah.

Do you have ANY IDEA how hurtful this is? God I wish people would STFU.

Doglikeafox Thu 10-Nov-16 08:16:02

To be perfectly honest I hear people moaning about people being nasty about only children more often than I hear people being nasty about only children.
Unfortunately there will always be someone who will have an issue with whatever you do/don't do. Big families get plenty of bother too. smile

SleepFreeZone Thu 10-Nov-16 08:16:23

People are thoughtless, try not to let it upset you.

luckylucky24 Thu 10-Nov-16 08:18:08

I don't think I have ever seen this other than on threads specifically regarding whether or not someone ought to have another child. Surely you could just aviod these threads?

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Thu 10-Nov-16 08:18:21

I have a large family, people say shitty things about that too.

Don't let it bother you op flowers

JackShit Thu 10-Nov-16 08:20:32

I get that families with loads of kids get hassle, but the guilt and hurt that comes with having ond child (not by choice in my case) needn't be compounded.

MidsummersNight Thu 10-Nov-16 08:21:23

I've never in my life come across anyone whose said it's cruel to have only one child.

I have an only child and nobody's ever given me the impression they think my DD 'deserves' a sibling or would benefit from one.

Just ignore the comments, if they're from people close to you rethink your circle of friends.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 10-Nov-16 08:21:27

I agree OP, I'm so glad I'm past the age where people ask me when I'll have another. I just want to scream at them to mind their own bloody business!flowers

JackShit Thu 10-Nov-16 08:23:31

A supposed friend told me recently that they felt 'sorry' for my girl sad

MidsummersNight Thu 10-Nov-16 08:23:49

Why do you feel guilt and hurt about only having one child? Because society has conditioned you to think 2 or more kids equal the "perfect" family.

There are countless benefits to have only one child. Less nursery/school fees to pay out, you can give your child far more 1-on-1 attention, less carbon footprint etc etc

There's no need to feel hurt or guilty about having an only child. They're brilliant.

MidsummersNight Thu 10-Nov-16 08:25:40

You need to get rid of that friend then.

What on earth is there to feel sorry about?

In my eyes it will benefit my daughter more. When she goes to school and meets friends I'll have far more time and patience to include her friends as part of our family. My mum did that for me and it was great. I had 2 friends I was very close to and they were allowed to stay over and have tea whenever they wanted because my mum didn't have countless other siblings to accommodate for.

Bluntness100 Thu 10-Nov-16 08:25:42

I've not seen any comments on here about only kids, but then I'm relatively new. I also have no sensitivity to having one child and no ones ever made a negative comment about it to me, and I feel no guilt or hassle about it. Not even slightly,

I've got that screwed up look on my face as I honestly don't know what you're talking about. As in generally no clue. Why would you feel any guilt and who is hassling uou for goodness sake?

GrinchyMcGrincherson Thu 10-Nov-16 08:26:00

It's the same on both ends. People who have only children get told they are unfair and selfish and mean and their kids will be left out and lonely. People who have more than two get told they are greedy and irresponsible and at least one child will suffer being the odd one out etc.

It seems unless you have two children, preferably one of each sex, then you are unacceptable in some way to others.

Bubbles1986 Thu 10-Nov-16 08:26:10

It'd their opinion and they are entitled to it but trust me as an only child myself there are a heck of a lot of plus sides to it as well. I would hate to have a sibling, not knocking those who do but it isn't for me! Please Dont feel guilty as people like what is familiar to them so I'm sure that your only will probably like that they are, as an adult as they will see the benefits too

Bluntness100 Thu 10-Nov-16 08:28:36

Just seen uour latest post. Your friends a twat. In fact most of my friends were jealous about the one child,,,easier to manage, could afford the school fees, was able to work, more space at home.

No one felt sorry for my daughter, who loved being an only child and the attention it got her from mum and dad. In fact the opposite, most of her friends thought she was lucky.

Enkopkaffetak Thu 10-Nov-16 08:28:46

Do you have ANY IDEA how hurtful this is? God I wish people would STFU.

Yes I have a good idea.. I have 4..

" OH my God you have a handful"

"rather you than me"

"Did you keep going til you had a boy?" (2 girls 1 boy)

" was number 4 an accident?"

" do you not have a tv?"

" How do you afford it I barely can cope with my 2"

"that many children you cant ever give them enough 1 on 1"

So YES I have a very good idea of how annoying it is... From the opposite side of that coin..

However you know what. This is my family and I do things in the way I think is good and right for our family. We love each other and have fun together.

So why the heck worry about what someone who has NO IDEA about my family thinks?

JackShit Thu 10-Nov-16 08:28:56

Honestly I have loads of comments in RL and also read them on here - I'm not lying. Perhaps you've not experienced it, but I certainly have and it's very upsetting.

DD has no cousins or extended family close by and so I find myself in a whirl of arranging playdates etc. I probably sound a twit here, but it gets to me.

GrinchyMcGrincherson Thu 10-Nov-16 08:29:22

Btw I know a few only children and they have full parents attention, far more flexibility for having friends over, more opportunities to attend clubs etc. They are advantages to any number of children.

I would actually embarrass someone who said this shit by replying with "actually I can't have any more thank you heaping more guilt on me about it."

gemm36 Thu 10-Nov-16 08:29:45

I have an only child DS (15)
People used to say when would I have another, my mind was firmly made up that I would only have 1 about 5 mins after Ds birth.
I see only good things about having an only child.
More love, attention, time, space, money,
Less bills, split loyaltys,arguments.
My dad was an only child and his a lovely human being with no issues.
Enjoy your child and tell others to jog on it's none of their business.

0hCrepe Thu 10-Nov-16 08:29:47

I can't believe a 'friend' said that to you! It's a horrid thing to say let alone a load of bollocks; not a true friend. A friend of mine has an only dd and they have such lovely times together and a very close relationship.

Enkopkaffetak Thu 10-Nov-16 08:29:54

Oh and OP people feel sorry for my ds too...

You know the tall strapping lad who is popular loads of friends and doing well in school..

Poor him to have 3 sisters???

People say a lot of rubbish.

BaldBaby1970 Thu 10-Nov-16 08:31:09

It happens but not that frequently. You can't stop people having these opinions or from airing them. You can only control how you respond to these statements.

If you have one child and are happy with that and know that, for you, there is no truth to the old cliches oft spouted then ignore them.

There are no truths anyway and no guarantees about these matters. All of our lives could go in any direction whether we have siblings or not.

FleurThomas Thu 10-Nov-16 08:32:11

Depends on the only child. A couple of OCs in my family spend all their free time with cousins, including dinner and often the kids will insist on sleeping over too - can see no difference between them and kids with siblings. Having said this, another OC in the family who isn't allowed to do this, has always gotten a bit hyper around other kids & ends up getting disruptive (hitting, biting etc) so the other cousins don't want him around.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 10-Nov-16 08:32:36

I think the difference between being able to brush off comments about having a big family and having a single children is that quite often a single child wasn't a choice and there's a lot of sadness attached to these comments about not being able to have more.

Scarydinosaurs Thu 10-Nov-16 08:32:56

You have to ignore it from people who mean nothing, and say to Friends when it upsets you.

Families of all sizes receive criticism, single child families are no different.

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