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to be mortified at school pick up

(88 Posts)
Headachehattie123 Wed 09-Nov-16 20:10:38

After being questioned by a dad as to why my 6 year old son in year 1 had hit his 5 year old son in year R at lunchtime today 😢
It left a mark on the child's cheek and was intentional.
It came about as my son became jealous that his younger brother ( also year R ) wouldn't play with him at lunchtime so he said " I'm going to punch him " and younger brother ( 4 years old but quite academic and far more astute ) told him to do it.
Mortified this happened but even more mortified that this is now playground talk which could have been avoided if the bloody school had let me know
General protocol has always been to ring the parents of injured child if there's a mark and also parent of the child who caused it if it was intentional which this was and they've told NEITHER of us hence the dad collecting his son, seeing this mark and asking his son who did it before storming over to me.
Playground lady dealt with it at the time and told my son he was going in the bad behaviour book and she was informing his teacher so why was none of us told
Aibu to ask teacher tomorrow what happened here to cause unnecessary crap?

Gizlotsmum Wed 09-Nov-16 20:11:49

I'd tell the school both parents should have been informed.

MistresssIggi Wed 09-Nov-16 20:15:18

I don't see how you knowing would have stopped the other parent storming over to you.

Headachehattie123 Wed 09-Nov-16 20:17:46

It might not have stopped him but I could have politely told him the school are dealing with it and I'm sorry instead of standing there questioning my son in front of all the other parents who were listening

Glastonbury Wed 09-Nov-16 20:18:33

It's not the schools fault your child hit someone. Even if you and the other parent were informed the Dad may have approached you.

Manumission Wed 09-Nov-16 20:21:36

You'd have been well within th bounds of reasonable to insist on taking the matter into the school for discussion anyway.

Nobody but a thug thinks that you deal with these things patent to parent in the playground.

Manumission Wed 09-Nov-16 20:22:17

(I mean him, not you! blush Marching over indeed.)

Headachehattie123 Wed 09-Nov-16 20:23:55

I was so shocked I just apologised and tried to leave whilst he called after me that he couldn't believe a year 1 child would hit a year R child.
I guess he was shocked and not expecting it as hadn't been called so it can't have been nice for him turning up and seeing his son with a bruised cheek
I don't think having the brothers in the same playground is going to work but I don't think the school can change everything either!

Mynestisfullofempty Wed 09-Nov-16 20:27:35

Manumission You think the father of the injured boy is a thug? He didn't punch the OP!

elodie2000 Wed 09-Nov-16 20:28:15

How did your son react when you were confronted by the boy's father?

JammyGeorge Wed 09-Nov-16 20:29:12

You have my sympathy my ds1 was a hitter in reception and there were a couple of incidents in year 1.

I never had any parents say anything but I was mortified and felt like everyone knew and were talking about us. I'm really surprised the dad reacted like that but I suppose it depends how badly he hit him.

Has this happened before? I'd speak to the teacher about it and explain what happened. I would absolutely expect to be told by the school.

therootoftheroot Wed 09-Nov-16 20:29:54

* was so shocked I just apologised and tried to leave whilst he called after me that he couldn't believe a year 1 child would hit a year R child.*

gordon bennet
he obviously has very little experience of kids then

kids hit each other
they say mean things to each other
even the nicest of children do horrible things at times

it's because they are little, their brains haven't developed yet and they haven't learnt the social niceties demanded by the world....because they are little kids.

sometimes we have to accept that kids do horrid things because they are kids. simple as that.

Manumission Wed 09-Nov-16 20:29:59

Yes I think it's thuggish. You go through the school, you don't stomp up to mothers with small children demanding explanations if playground incidents.

The school were in loco parentis. Start with the school. Obviously.

dementedpixie Wed 09-Nov-16 20:30:33

Our school newsletters tell us not to approach other parents and to speak to the school instead

MissClarke86 Wed 09-Nov-16 20:31:52

Speak to the teacher. I'm a teacher and I'd want to know if a message like this wasn't passed onto me so I could have a word with the member of staff that dealt with it.

APlaceOnTheCouch Wed 09-Nov-16 20:35:23

Poor you. YY speak to the school tomorrow. For two reasons: to find out why you weren't informed beforehand and to let them know that the dad approached you in the playground.

Headachehattie123 Wed 09-Nov-16 20:40:22

Thanks for replies
My son cried when I asked him what had happened and wouldn't say, younger son completely dumped him in it saying " he had punched him in the face on purpose, nor an accident but on purpose " failing to mention of course that he had said to do it!
So upset that my son has done this of course but feel that my other son has been a slight instigator in this
I will inform the school what has happened and ask why neither of us were informed

headinhands Wed 09-Nov-16 20:44:31

I'm betting it won't be long until his son does something and he realises what a twit he has been.

ghostspirit Wed 09-Nov-16 20:45:11

My kids have never hurt answer child at school I'm quite surprised really. But my daughter has been bitten and pushed about a couple of times. I would never approach a parent over it though. For months Dd referred to this girls as my fried z who bit mearlier. But they were still friends. Sometimes the parents make more of it than the kids. My son tried to break up a fight and got hurt again I let the school deal with it and they are all mates.

Reception and year 1 are still little and for all the time dad meows there may only be a couple of months age between reception child and the year one. It not nice for the child who got hurt but think dad need to learn a better way for dealing with it. He's only in reception has a long way to go.

Richardhun Wed 09-Nov-16 20:49:21

The other dad is a loon. He will need to toughen up a bit, as these things do happen. He should never have approached you, it's never going to end well.

My boy hit another boy, his mum rang me!! I explained that whilst the children are at school it is their responsibility to sort it out. Obviously I would talk to DS but I don't know what happened. ( she wasn't happy and went into school again, who ignored her)

Honestly if had shouted at every mum whos child had hit mine over the years I wouldn't be speaking to half the class. Once is ok, repeat offences are different, but let school sort it out.

lalalalyra Wed 09-Nov-16 20:52:40

I think you need to speak to the school and be 100% sure what actually happened. The Dad should have taken it up with the school rather than you.

youarenotkiddingme Wed 09-Nov-16 20:55:21

You're mortified your DS hit someone.

Yesterday another parent was mortified for the same reason.

Tomorrow they'll be another mortified parent.

Kids hit, it's not ok but they do it because their emotional intelligence isn't at the level of their language.

The dad was obviously cross but he dealt with it badly. The school should have dealt with it appropriately as you said so you are right to approach them.

However, the dad may have approached you anyway. There are always some parents who will do this. And even if and when their own child does something similar they will make yours look bad. You have to trust other parents were more than likely empathising with you and thanking the Lord that today wasn't their child than judging you.

Headachehattie123 Wed 09-Nov-16 20:58:49

My son has been hit a few times after disagreements but I wouldn't have ever spoken to another parent about it, sometimes the other mum has said sorry if we are friends but sometimes not and That's fine as been dealt with through the school
Just really upset by this

pugsake Wed 09-Nov-16 21:00:46

He shouldn't of had a go at you.

It's hardly your fault, loads of kids go through the hitting/biting/shoving stage.

It's not ideal but it happens.

Littlefish Wed 09-Nov-16 21:02:52

The dad is over reacting with his "I can't believe a year 1 child could hit a Year R child" none sense. They may only be a week apart in age, or they may be 11 months apart in age. Either way, the year group has very little to do with anything,

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