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DD punched, what is the expected discipline?

(37 Posts)
wheresmyfairygodmother Wed 09-Nov-16 19:27:01

My DD (KS2) was punched in the tummy today by a fellow classmate (along with 2 other kids). The boy has a history of behaviour issues. I was informed when I arrived at school for something later during the day, rather than contacted at the time.

I was told the boy was sent to the Head & told off & lost fun time on Friday. I can't help feel this was handled differently to how I would've liked. AIBU to think the school should've contacted me at the time & should've contacted the boys parents to send him home?

He wasn't even made to apologise to my DD angry

What's other people's experience following such an event? I should add the boy does martial arts so a punch would have force.

GizmoFrisby Wed 09-Nov-16 19:33:02

I've had this. It's ongoing I suppose. My son has been head butted,pushed backwards off the climbing frame,kicked and punched.

I put up with it for a while just going in to the school and expressing my concerns. The school didn't do anything because he has SN.

Then one day my son came home with the most awful bruise I very nearly took him to a&e. I went in to school totally lost my rag with them in front of other parents. Probably looked like a total loon. But not had a problem since.

Nip it in the bud now. My son had a year or so of it.

corythatwas Wed 09-Nov-16 19:38:38

How urgent was it that you should know about it straight away? Did your dd need taking out of school to see a doctor? If not, most parents (particularly working ones) would probably prefer not to be disturbed in the middle of the day by something that could just as well wait until end of school.

Secondly, you can not expect to have any say on how another child is disciplined- what you can demand of the school is that they should think about how to keep your dd safe. Sending him straight home for punching her might well have the opposite effect if this little boy doesn't like school/is distressed at school and finds out it gets him sent straight home, he might well try it again tomorrow.

J0kersSmile Wed 09-Nov-16 19:39:05

The school have a behaviour code to follow and sending someone home for one incident isn't going to be on it.

When my son was being kicked, hit and tripped over it wasn't until I read up on their policies and demanded they follow them that anything got done. Even then I'm still pretty sure it's because I told my Ds (who does martial arts but was too scared to use his skills) to punch back that stopped the other boy from picking on him.

However when I did bring up that they wernt following policies they then did everything they could to prevent further incidents, it did carry on until my Ds hit back but they really did try everything. The boy was spoke to everyday before school, they did loads of role playing with him, ran a bullying workshop and then helped my Ds with his self esteem which had suffered with this other boy.

corythatwas Wed 09-Nov-16 19:39:16

You can however, and should, insist that they come up with a plan to ensure that it does not happen again.

qwom Wed 09-Nov-16 19:42:14

My DS had a stone lobbed at his head by a classmate last year. There was a massive gash, lots of blood, ambulance and I had to take the afternoon off to sit with him in a&e to get the wound glued.
The classmates punishment by the school? Well apparently seeing the state my son (apparently his friend) was in was enough punishment, they felt it didn't need any more. Oh and the classmate's parents made him write a letter to DS when they were told about the incident - which wasn't until the next day!!!!
So I feel your pain.

SnugglySnerd Wed 09-Nov-16 19:45:46

I work in secondary rather than primary but at our school that would be a day in isolation unit if it was a first offence. If it happened again it would be an exclusion. Not sure how it works in primary though.

WhatLizzyDid Wed 09-Nov-16 19:46:14

If you are not happy with the way that this was dealt with you could raise this with the school. A similar thing happened to my DS and I contacted the head - who was not very helpful and rather dismissive of me so I asked for the contact details of the lead governor. It soon got sorted after that.

I agree with previous posters that this needs nipping in the bud.

confuugled1 Wed 09-Nov-16 19:56:06

I would phrase it in terms of safe guarding your dd. Say that she is worried/scared about being back in school with this child because she is worried that it will happen again. Also that she thinks the boy doesn't care that she was hurt and may want to do it again because she is not aware that he has felt any consequences as a result of his action - he hasn't apologized or expressed any remorse or given any assurances that he will not hit her (or any of the others again) and there do not appear to be any reassuring measures in place to keep him away from his victims, at least for the next few days while this is all still fresh in their mind.

Bit of a PA way of going about it but given that you can't demand anything about the boy it has to be focussed on your dd.

fluffygal Wed 09-Nov-16 20:04:47

My DD was also punched in the stomach and winded last week- she is 9. Teacher called me after school finished (I don't do pick up). Again, I have heard the girl who punched her has ongoing behavioural issues. I was upset naturally, I don't know what the punishment was but trust the school to do what they think is best regarding punishment and safeguarding.

SerendipityPhenomenon Wed 09-Nov-16 20:10:14

Get a copy of the school's discipline and bullying policies, see what they say about sanctions and, if they aren't following them, ask them to explain why.

I would agree that the school should at least have informed you of what had happened at the time. Sure, some parents might not want to be interrupted at work, but a hard punch in the stomach is potentially dangerous and your daughter was probably also shocked and distressed.

I agree with others, the most important next step is to ask the school to set out in writing precisely what they plan to do to ensure that your child is safe in school and that there will be no repetition.

perditalost Wed 09-Nov-16 20:11:55

Say that she is worried/scared about being back in school with this child because she is worried that it will happen again.

But she isn't. The Op doesn't say that. They say they don't agree with how it was handled. They don't actually say that they DD was hurt in any way either.

Why would you want to be contacted immediately? Was she so ill that she need to go to A and E?

Sending a child home would be an exclusion. The school will have very clear protocols for that. This incident may or may not have been one that led to an exclusion depending on the policy.

Just let it go but keep a watchful eye.

LadyPenelope68 Wed 09-Nov-16 20:12:09

Your daughter was "winded", not hurt enough to require medical intervention so no, the school don't need to contact you immediately, they've informed you at an appropriate time.

There might be more to the punishment than you or your daughter are aware of as it is a matter between the Head, the other child and his parents and not for you to know all the information. As for sending him home, no that wouldn't happen in Primary for something like that.

perditalost Wed 09-Nov-16 20:12:51

your daughter was probably also shocked and distressed

Op doesn't say that.

Pseudonym99 Wed 09-Nov-16 20:13:05

If you're not happy with the way the school dealt with it, call the police and let them deal with it.

perditalost Wed 09-Nov-16 20:14:55

If you're not happy with the way the school dealt with it, call the police and let them deal with it.

You are joking?

LadyPenelope68 Wed 09-Nov-16 20:17:16

Call the Police???
Are you honestly serious??

APlaceOnTheCouch Wed 09-Nov-16 20:21:26

With the little context in your OP, I would think the punishment was proportionate ie it was the first incident with your DD and although it sounds shocking to say your DD was punched, they obviously didn't consider it an injury that warranted a call home. I would not expect a child to be sent home for punching when they are in KS2.

You don't know seem to know what proceeded it or how the other child was able to punch three children with no intervention. That's the part that would have given me pause.

If you are concerned then I'd ask about supervision in the playground but actually, before I did that, I would ask the context of what happened. Was it a game that got out of hand? Was it in anger? KS2 is still quite young.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Wed 09-Nov-16 20:23:41

If one of my workmates punched me in the stomach I would contact the police. Would you not?

Are children less important than adults.

It depends on the age of the puncher. The op said KS2 so could be anything from 7 - 11. Criminal responsibility is aged 10.

OnionKnight Wed 09-Nov-16 20:25:20

You cannot compare an adfult punching you to a child punching you hmm

OnionKnight Wed 09-Nov-16 20:25:32


APlaceOnTheCouch Wed 09-Nov-16 20:26:48

Children are not less important than adults but they are also not as mature. They have less impulse control. They are not able to evaluate risk in the same way. They also occasionally play games that involve running and punching. So, all in all, not comparable to adults.

Cherryskypie Wed 09-Nov-16 20:27:50

He punched 3 children and has done it before? I'd ask the school how they plan to ensure your DD's safety,

Mumoftwoyoungkids Wed 09-Nov-16 20:27:52

To add - generally I don't think it is appropriate to phone the police but if the school is not dealing with it correctly then threatening to contact the police is one way that a school can be encouraged.

It is a strange thing that we think it is completely appropriate for a child to have to put up with being assaulted and then expect the child to return the next day to being in an enclosed space with the assaulter. We would never expect an adult to have to put up with that.

Nanny0gg Wed 09-Nov-16 20:31:39

Call the Police??? Are you honestly serious??

When my Year 6 DS was given a kicking by a fellow pupil at a youth centre you can bet I called the police (non-emergency). They came out, took a statement and went and spoke to the other boy.

Didn't happen again. Assault is assault. We don't actually know how serious the punch was.

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