Huge long post I'm sorry I'm just in a state and nobody in real life except dh to talk to and he's working all day.
Dm rang this morning to gloat over the Trump victory. 
After telling her about all the awful things that stand to happen to us as a family I said "well what about women's rights?"
"What women's rights?"
"Women's right to chose what happens to her body."
"You mean abortion? Well if he makes that illegal that would be the best thing any leader has done in years."
Cue silence from me. My Mother knows I had an abortion 15 years ago. She knows very well because it led to me moving back home with her for a while after a suicide attempt.
I was happily engaged to a wonderful man (I thought) . I fell pregnant and he disappeared. Turns out he was already married with a house I knew nothing about. He never contacted me once after finding out I was pregnant.
So after a lot of soul searching and speaking to my family, all of whom were very upfront that I'd have to go it alone both financially and emotionally as they lived far away, I decided to terminate. Not for me. I wanted the baby deeply, I've never been happier when I found out I was pregnant. It was 100% a choice for my child.
The termination was botched. I was treated very cruelly by a couple of the nurses, wasn't sedated enough so felt and was fully aware of the whole process. They also didn't remove all of it so a while later I collapsed in a shop and had to be rushed in to hospital.
After this I went off the rails, lost my job and then attempted suicide. An amazing local mental health support team and my gp got me back together.
Not one visit from one family member. Although I understand it's complexed and hard when a relative does something like this. I don't blame them for that.
Anyway, this is just background to avoid drip feeding, sorry it's long.
So the conversation carries on with us not mentioning mine. I ask things like "well what about a child that's not wanted. Or if a parent decides the best thing for their child is to not be born for X reasons?"
My Mum answers many things which I don't have the energy or heart to repeat but the last thing she said was "abortion should be illegal except in extreme cases of rape and all these women doing it are disgusting, selfish women who deserve prison. It's too easy to get an abortion and loose women are using it as birth control and should be ashamed of themselves. I hope they do stop it."
Aibu to be beyond heartbroken? I have a very very rocky relationship with my Mum but at least have always looked up to her as a self proclaimed feminist and strong women who's overcome so much.
I now don't like her. I can't stand the thought of spending time with her this Christmas if this is how she thinks of me.
She must have said it to hurt me. She's more than aware of how I'd take this surely?
I don't know what to do, she's made me feel so ashamed and destroyed but then at the end of the conversation started talking about Xmas presents for ds.
If I go non contact with her the rest of my family will turn against me. They don't see any of this behaviour, she'll paint it as me. Ds has precious little family as it is, I don't want him to lose that whole side which I know we will.
Can I just shrug this off and ignore it? I feel like this was abusive. I feel like she's trying to hurt me. If I ignore this will it get worse?
AIBU?
To be heartbroken by dm's comments on abortion?
Bummymummy77 · 09/11/2016 15:19
Yanbu to be hurt and to tell her so. I'm so sorry; I have relatives who hold similar views and they are extremely difficult to engage with in conversation.
I'm sorry you had to go through that 
Wow what a bitch 
. I'm sorry to say that sounds like something she has been holding on to for years, that was really malicious. It sounds like you have been through a terrible time, to be honest if your mother wasn't there for you then when you needed her most I am sure, then between that and what she said to you today I would be reassessing my relationship with her. Normally I would say you should speak to her but she sounds like a cold nasty bitch so I am not sure what good it would do. Yanbu to be upset with her at all
She did it to hurt you.... terrible and awful, but thats the crux of it. If she hadnt when you questioned her she would have remembered and realised she had got too heated.
She didnt, which means she knows exactly what she said. You poor thing, what you have been through sounds so horrible and to not receive compassion from your mum is terrible.
Cut your cloth accordingly OP. You are under no obligation to continue a relationship with her. Tell her Xmas plans have changed. Walk away - what happened to you was awful and for her to bring it up cruelly years later tells you everything you need to know about her. 
for you
Do you only keep in touch with the rest of the family through her?
If so, then maintain your own relationships with them independently of her. Then if you have to reduce contact, and she says anything, they are more likely to take it with a few pinches of salt 
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