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AIBU?

Aibu to feel so guilty about my daughter.

20 replies

bonjour454 · 09/11/2016 09:00

Name changed for this please be gentle.

I can't get out of bed. Four months ago I had a baby girl and I've been diagnosed with ptsd stemming from a previous abusive relationship/subsequent harassment.

I just can't believe that Donald trump has been voted President. In a world where 1 in 4 women are victims of sexual assault a president has been voted in who openly boasts about sexual assault! I feel so guilty for having a baby girl and bringing her into a world where it seems so unfair to be a girl.

I'm currently in law school one day a week so I can eventually support us. Today's the day I'm supposed to go in and I actually can't get out of bed it's making me feel so anxious and depressed which in term is making me feel awful .

I feel so guilty and anxious for what she might have to face. I know I'm being stupid because she's so young but I can't help it. I don't regret having her but I feel awful for what might happen to her.

OP posts:

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corythatwas · 09/11/2016 09:15

She is very young and helpless now, but remember that she won't always remain that way. She will be a woman. If her mother is anything to go by she may well be a strong woman who fights her way through adversity (law school is seriously impressive). She may be exactly what the world needs. And she will live her own life which will be completely different from yours, may be worse in some respects, may be better in many.

I am thinking of my own MIL who was a young woman during WW2. Some of her contemporaries were having babies then and must have felt pretty much the same: yet those babies have, most of them, grew up into a world that was to change very much, and in many respects for the better. And my grandmother was a young woman during WW1; again, that must have seemed a very harsh and threatening world.

Lilaclily · 09/11/2016 09:17

If you can't get out of bed you need to call your crisis team
Forget about politics and concentrate on you and your baby

bonjour454 · 09/11/2016 09:23

Sorry just want to be clear my
Partner has her today and she's not in any danger.

OP posts:

LetsAllEatCakes · 09/11/2016 09:23

Forget trump because you can't do anything about that at all plus you have no idea who your daughter could grow into. A strong woman who tells the trumps of the world to jog on?

I agree with Lilaclily. Call someone.

DrQuinzel · 09/11/2016 09:26

Do you have a community mental health team or CPN? Am guessing you do as you have recently been diagnosed.

Call them, this is exactly what they're there for.

Also, with an luck the world will be a much better place for our daughters when they're grown up. You can do your bit by raising them to be confident, secure and assertive women. Remember that she won't have your life experiences.

BipBippadotta · 09/11/2016 09:38

I can completely understand your anxiety, OP. I'm so sorry for the experiences you have had. I hope that you get some support - 4 months postpartum you're bound to be feeling vulnerable, even without politics and PTSD thrown into the mix. If it's any consolation half my office haven't turned up to work today as they're too stunned, so don't feel too bad about not going in if you can't face it. Look after yourself & your little girl. Wishing you strength & comfort.

KERALA1 · 09/11/2016 09:38

Bless you. Take it one day at a time. I felt the same when read about some hideous porn just after my daughter was born and I had good mental health and relationships. Ignore international stuff just concentrate on yourself and her. Listen to music and read a book not online x

QueenLizIII · 09/11/2016 09:39

He cant have more than 2 terms. Even if he gets a second term, he will be gone when your DD is 8.

QueenLizIII · 09/11/2016 09:41

We have no idea how the world will look in 18 years lets us hope it is great. Who knows maybe your DD will e a driving force for change if it isnt.

spacefrog35 · 09/11/2016 09:49

I understand. I felt the same then I looked at my 7 month old DD & decided what I needed to do was to bring her up to be strong, kind, brave, compassionate, curious & loving. If I can give her those things she'll be ok & the world might be a little better too .

KathArtic · 09/11/2016 09:52

You need to encourage your daughter to grow to be a strong, independent woman. The best you can do is be a great role model. The worlds crazy whether man or woman.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 09/11/2016 10:03

Hey, if you can get out of bed I bet you find lots of support at Law School. I think most people are mourning and you won't be alone ...

IminaPickle · 09/11/2016 10:07

Get to school, even if you're late. Being around people, and most people are horrified and engaged will make you fell better.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 09/11/2016 10:09

I felt the same this morning, looking at DD and wondering what kind of world this is now. History moves in cycles but one thing that can generally be relied upon is the oppression of women. We are anachronistic in the West, across the world most females are treated appallingly.

I wonder if there are enough good men who would stand up and be counted if rights begin to be reversed. I know I'm being hyperbolic, but we could go backwards. I asked DP once how what he would do if we lived in Afghanistan under the Taliban and me/DD were so oppressed, he couldn't answer. How can men watch their daughters be persecuted and denied their rights just because of their gender? How can it happen that you have a little baby girl and think less of her than a son. I just can't get my head around it, most parents would die for their child but no men across the world just wouldn't do it for their daughters.

I don't think Trump's victory will mean immediate suppression of women's rights (although the right to abortion is obviously going to become an issue again). But I do think xenophobia as seen in US, here, and even in Europe, is the start of slippery slope. To a lot of men women are still 'other' and now the hatred/fear of 'others' is starting to be given full reign.

I look at the men in my family, they are all good men and all have daughters but really, when it came down to it, would they die to protect their rights?

Our (female) freedoms are so fragile, men still rule the world.

romanrainsalot · 09/11/2016 10:09

Get out of bed. Get a cup of tea. Get to school.

Do it for her.

Oh and stay off social media & don't bother watching the news for the next few days. Its scaremongering and I saw it stress a number of people out post-Brexit. They just kept looking for more news and not liking what they were seeing.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 09/11/2016 10:10

that should be 'but no, men across the world' not 'no men'. Hope that makes sense!

Stopyourhavering · 09/11/2016 10:29

You also owe it to your daughter to show her that you are a strong woman who is going to Law School to build a better world for both of you.
My dm grew up during the war, left school at 14 to look after her mother, married at 20 and widowed at 30 but eventually ran her own business to support her family.
You can get through this the world is reeling this morning so from that perspective you are not alone

Italiangreyhound · 09/11/2016 10:42

bonjour454 you and your daughter and me and my daughter, and my son, and our partners and all those others who know women are equal to men are going to change this world for the better.

Trump is old, he won't be around for ever. Maybe he will end up in jail if he has sexually abused women, who knows.

Think of yourself and what you can do to change the world, but start with you and just one thing, get over the ptsd as best you can in the way you can, cope in the way that is best for you. Get the help you need, follow that help wherever is right for you.

Are you getting counselling? Ask your gp for a mental health referral if not, or ask your mental health professional about therapies that work well.

Have you heard of EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing); this is for post traumatic stress disorder.

www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/

This may be available on the NHS or in trial format.

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Post-traumatic-stress-disorder/Pages/Treatment.aspx

Sometimes it is important to see the big picture but for your today I think it is important to see just a corner of that picture or the smaller picture of your own life!

See how to work out how you can make changes that will be beneficial.

You are lucky to have a daughter, so many suffer from infertility, your daughter is lucky to have you, so many children lose their parents, locally and globally. You will care for her and bring her up to be a strong confident woman.

In the words of Dr Seuss... "Congratulations, today is your day" Grab it with both hands...

quotesgram.com/img/today-is-your-day-dr-seuss-quotes/7283940/

And if you really cannot, then tomorrow will be your day, but whatever happens do not let the likes of Trump steal your joy.

bonjour454 · 09/11/2016 12:21

Thank you all so much for your replies. You've really helped me today. I am a strong woman and I need to show my daughter that we are amazing. Thank you xx

OP posts:

DesignedForLife · 09/11/2016 12:43

Teach your daughter tone a strong confident woman and a force for change in the world :)

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