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Hubby being an insensitive idiot?!

(16 Posts)
hgmama Tue 08-Nov-16 23:59:06

Hey,
DD is 8 months and sleep is very disturbed at the moment, teeth, growth spurt and god knows what else!
Anyway, dh wants to stay up to watch the US election stuff on the news, all fine. I said if he can be 'on duty' till midnight, then I'll take the rest of the night. Well, she's still up! We've tried rocking, milk, cuddles, lullabies and a trip in the car down the track ( we live in the country) and she's still awake. So he's took her into living room, switched off all lights but left tv on! I said that this will stimulate her and she's highly unlikely to fall asleep. I said 'since you're up watching news u watch her, I'll go get some sleep as I've to drive tomorrow ( an hour to my mums) and he replied with 'oh fuck off so do I'. He is a driving instructor( and used to doing this with little sleep), his lessons begin in the afternoon hence him CHOOSING to be staying up late. I said he can't talk to me like that and I just got another 'fuck off'.

How do I deal with this? AUBU? He's deliberately not seeing it from my side, I need st least a few hours in me so I'm not falling asleep whilst driving me and our daughter around.

PurpleDaisies Wed 09-Nov-16 00:02:55

Telling you to guck off is out of order. Does he normally talk to you that way?

LilQueenie Wed 09-Nov-16 00:03:19

He should know better being a driving instructor how dangerous it can be to drive while sleepy. yanbu but he is.

IMissGrannyW Wed 09-Nov-16 00:06:13

I used to explain to friends that sleep became the equivalent of gold in my house once we got DD. Me and DH (previous champions of each other, supporters, etc) got vicious over who should have more sleep. "no, I'm more tired because of x" "no, I'm more tired because of y, and - anyway, you had down time today while baby slept and I was at work"

Promise - this does get easier. Grab sleep where you can and try (where you can) to be kind to one another. (it will be appreciated and reflected back to you, OR can be used as blackmail in the future!). Let housework go hang. Be kind to yourself!

BumWad Wed 09-Nov-16 00:08:39

He is being unreasonable.

We have a 17 month old and always take it in turns to have the monitor/get up in the night with him etc. If he's got a late start and he's staying up of course he should be looking after her it's a no brainer

IrregularCommentary Wed 09-Nov-16 00:11:40

He's being a dick for talking to you like that (though dh and I have occasionally done similar when stressed and sleep deprived and then felt horrible afterwards so maybe it's not usual behaviour).

Mainly though he's being a dick because if he's choosing to stay up anyway though he has zero reason to not be on baby duty too.

Yanbu.

Alabastard Wed 09-Nov-16 00:32:08

He's being a bit of a wanker.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 09-Nov-16 00:40:08

He'll be awake but thinks you also should? Arsehole.

bellabelly Wed 09-Nov-16 00:46:45

"I said if he can be 'on duty' till midnight, then I'll take the rest of the night."

So why have you changed your mind? I'd be peed off too, tbh. He's been "on duty" till midnight and now wants to watch the election coverage. As agreed.

needmymouthsewnup Wed 09-Nov-16 00:48:59

He is BU for talking to you like that, but I think you are being a bit U if he is prepared to take her, albeit with the TV on, while you get some sleep - it's his shift, let him get on with it the way he wants to and if DD doesn't sleep, well that's his problem surely?

hgmama Wed 09-Nov-16 01:41:20

I was happy to take over from midnight, he was being arsey when I said I was gonna try get a bit sleep at 11.

He doesn't ever speak to me like this, we usually have a very respectful and loving relationship.

ThisIsReallyNotMyName Wed 09-Nov-16 01:44:03

Can he not turn the TV down so not to disturb her. He shouldn't speak to you like that imo.

Bogeyface Wed 09-Nov-16 02:38:31

YEs he is.

He is up anyway so what difference does it make if she isnt screaming the house down and just wants company?

Leave it tonight, but tomorrow make it clear that the next time he speaks to you like that will be the last. Arsehole.

Bogeyface Wed 09-Nov-16 02:39:42

bella if it had been a case of him needing to go to bed then you would have a point, but he is choosing to stay up all night, so it seems like he is being a dick just for the sake of it.

Matchingbluesocks Wed 09-Nov-16 06:18:02

Don't worry. It's just one those stressed the baby won't sleep nights. Don't take it as a reflection of your relationship

icklekid Wed 09-Nov-16 06:21:15

I would have gone to bed earlier if I knew I would have to take over at midnight then you would have had your sleep! (Regardless of if he liked it or not) Agree if baby is calm seems silly for him not to have them if awake anyway. As previous poster says this mornings news is bad enough without adding to it. Hope you got some sleep

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