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To be sick of his constantly worrying about his feelings?

(11 Posts)
Chickennuggetcake Tue 08-Nov-16 22:23:23

This is probably going to make me sound horrible. My dp is obsessed with me (which feels weird in itself) we have been togethr a 12years and have 3 children oldest is from a previous relationship but he treats them all the same as hes been about since she was 2. He came into my life when i was going through a hard time with my ex who was very abusive i had no self esteme and was in a very bad way. Do was friends with a friend of mine and was suddenly there to help and made a fuss of me which i hadnt had anyone do in years. He was very clingy but i just put it down to being his first girlfriend and that he liked me. It was a pretty smothering at times but i just took it thats how things where meant to be. Anyway things moved pretty fast my trust was pretty bad but he made things feel better and within a year had talked me into having a second dc. I know that sounds bad but i just dont really have a maternal drive to have children if that makes sense.

Move forward to now and hes still as clingy as ever i mean he texts all the time and when im busy he gets all hurt about it. I just feel like i cant be me round him im not a cuddly person but he wants to hug all the time and if i look the tinyest bit sad or im just quiet or thinking he takes it that he doesnt make me happy. I try to talk to him and he says he will change which he does for a few days then he will buy me loads of stuff and make me feel bad for saying anything. I dont want to tear our family apart but i just feel so smothered by him i know lots of people would like someone who cared thwt much about them but its driving me nuts. I feel like i cant even go to the loo without fear of upsetting him. Its just stupid isnt it?

Grittyshunts Tue 08-Nov-16 22:31:40

It sounds to me that you feel smothered. You mentioned you were his first girlfriend, so he probably doesn't know what it feels like to be in a grown up relationship as he has nothing to compare this to and you are probably his first love? He helped you through a hard time so probably got used to you leaning on him for support and now that you've grown and become more confident, is feeling this as you pushing him away. Perhaps sitting down and talking/reassuring him that you do love him and he's been amazing but that you're both individuals and having some space is good for you both. Good luck OP, hope this helps?!

Allthewaves Tue 08-Nov-16 22:31:52

I'd try relate. Perhaps they could help you both put strategies in place

Chippednailvarnishing Tue 08-Nov-16 22:34:43

I feel like i cant even go to the loo without fear of upsetting him

WTAF. He sounds unbearable, controlling and paranoid.

TheWernethWife Wed 09-Nov-16 09:30:09

Does he work, if so, he CAN be away from you. Tell him you will turn your phone off so he can't text you all day. My God, I would go mad if I had to deal with this. Why do you have to be the one to make him feel better, I like to be quiet and read and would be pissed off with someone who is so bloody clingy. Put your foot down now.

SheilaBirling Wed 09-Nov-16 11:42:14

What is he like with the kids? Do they like him?

Chickennuggetcake Wed 09-Nov-16 14:16:53

With the kids hes ok they love him but say hes lazy. He does seem to be always trying to get his mum to watch them so we can do stuff by ourselves which i keep having to say no to. I work during the day and have my phone on do not disturb but when i do look at it i have loads of messages saying how much he loves me ect. Some times i feel like i just say it back to shit him up

Chippednailvarnishing Thu 10-Nov-16 10:14:55

Do you think you are showing your children a healthy relationship? A clingy, need man who is try to control their mother through emotional blackmail...

Chippednailvarnishing Thu 10-Nov-16 10:15:05


CockacidalManiac Thu 10-Nov-16 10:17:27

I think there's a thread in relationships about a similar situation; I'll try and find it.

CockacidalManiac Thu 10-Nov-16 10:21:02

Actually, it's not the same thing but similar.

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