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To be hurt by these comments and just want some support?

(12 Posts)
LittleMissUpset Mon 07-Nov-16 19:35:30

It's been a hard few years, I love my kids but have really been struggling with DS1, and getting support from school. I finally found a great local support centre for parents and carers of children with additional needs.

Following many conversations with other parents and being on courses, I asked school for a referral to CAMHS. School are not very supportive of children with SN, but thankfully eventually agreed (I sent the school nurse in the end who said she would speak to them about the referral and even then I had to keep chasing) and the referral went in.

After an appointment at CAMHS the person we saw agreed he has autistic traits and she could see what I was saying, but thought it was borderline whether he met enough criteria. The referral went to the ASD team, and they have accepted it, so now we are waiting for assessment.

I've struggled with anxiety for a long time and also depression and OCD, and after the summer holidays (before the appointment with CAMHS) I was very close to having a breakdown.

I'm on anti depressants now, and while I know they won't 'cure' me, I can cope a lot better.

My husband and my family haven't been particularly supportive with me getting referrals for my son, and I feel like I've been battling for referrals by myself, without any validation from them. Thankfully I have the support of the group I go to, I'd be lost without it.

But I get told by people (including family) oh he doesn't look/seem autistic angry

And I should be careful on the anti depressants as I could get addicted hmm and I should speak to my doctor,as they can prescribe kalms now for anxiety confused I'm finally feeling I'm getting somewhere, and if I have to take anti depressants forever I will!

I'm lucky that my doctor is lovely, and I have supportive friends, but I find the comments about autism and anti depressants really hurtful and unhelpful, and I always feel like my opinion and feelings are minimized.

Oh and if i mention anything I'm being over sensitive sad grrrr!

pipsqueak25 Mon 07-Nov-16 19:45:21

you need these family members around you like a hole in the head ! it's hard enough getting asd support without the added stress and anxiety. as for your anti d's, your gp is the best judge, i'm not aware of people getting hooked esp. on the modern ones, valium in the past - yes but not now. you need them take them, embrace the caring friends and support you do have. hope it works out well for you and ds.
i have an aspie son [22] but know too well hoe difficult it was with him when you, those on the spectrum 'look normal', they don't have two heads, but it is their speech and some times behaviour that gives it away. you family and dh need to be better educated on these matters.

Amelie10 Mon 07-Nov-16 19:53:39

You know you are not being unreasonable or do you actually think you are?

Boundaries Mon 07-Nov-16 19:56:36

Well done for pushing to get a referral. You're doing brilliantly.

BeccaAnn Mon 07-Nov-16 19:59:22

Sending you higs Hun. Just because someone doesn't 'look' autistic doesn't mean they aren't. Keep to your friends they're actually talking sense x

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Mon 07-Nov-16 20:04:11

All the steps you've taken sound totally right to me, plus the professionals obviously do too so I guess you need to ignore all their silly comments, though that's much easier said than done obviously. flowers

FetchezLaVache Mon 07-Nov-16 20:14:52

You're doing brilliantly and you've placed matters in the right hands. I hope you find out soon so you can start to draw down some help.

Ignore all these people in inverse proportion to their professional knowledge of autism! It's a bloody spectrum, innit.

pklme Mon 07-Nov-16 20:21:00

These are typical comments from unreasonable ignorant people. Get used to it, they won't stop coming. Thing is, they just show their own ignorance, and you can ignore them. I'm sure it hurts when they are people who should support you, but they just don't/can't understand. So their opinions don't count.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Mon 07-Nov-16 20:24:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleMissUpset Mon 07-Nov-16 20:24:20

Thank you, I don't think I am unreasonable but when you've always had your feelings minimized and no validation, and then go into a relationship with the same it's hard to tell sometimes.

I try and educate them, but get comments like 'well I don't know anything about autism' hmm I try and explain it, saying if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person, and it doesn't mean you know everything. Everyone on the spectrum is different, that's why it's a spectrum! I also don't know a lot, but I'm doing what I can, and try to have an open mind and not make judgements about it. I don't claim to know everything but have done a lot of reading and have made new friends with children on the spectrum, and now I understand DS1 a bit better (we still have our moments but I try and understand him better, though I know I'm not perfect!)

I just feel frustrated when people are so ignorant, fair enough say you don't know much etc, but to say things like, he's not autistic or doesn't look autistic aren't helpful!

sarahC40 Mon 07-Nov-16 22:17:48

Just ask your family/unhelpful friends to look up masking in relation to asd - loads of sympathy from me and kudos for pushing so hard - you've done your job as his mum xx

Strongmummy Mon 07-Nov-16 22:39:09

Tell them to fuck off, seriously. They obviously know nothing about mental health issues and even less about autism. You are doing an incredible job with little support.

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