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I want to go low/no contact

(7 Posts)
backupbackup Mon 07-Nov-16 19:03:28

Ok so I don't want to go into the specifics because I know members of my husband's family read AIBU.

This is more a "how did you manage" to go no/low contact and "what were the repercussions" of going low/no contact with members of your spouse's family. The first may sound like a daft question but I think it's easier said than done to decide cut people off.

I have my own family's backing to reduce contact as much as possible with my husband's family after various things happened.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Mon 07-Nov-16 19:49:20

how did you manage to go no/low contact

It was relatively easy because we are not geographically close, we had to block their phone number which apart from mail was their only way of contacting us. There was no announcement. Your DH needs to be onside (even if he is in contact, he should respect your decision to not see them).

what were the repercussions of going low/no contact with members of your spouse's family

We were stalked, we got hate mail and our friends/family/bosses/neighbours were harassed by phone/mail. Within DH's family, the majority of them were also NC at the time but they slowly re-established contact and DH was then pressured to get in touch.

The first may sound like a daft question but I think it's easier said than done to decide cut people off

You're not wrong, it most definitely made things worse for a time (maybe a year or so - they were quite determined). DH now maintains low contact (after 3 years no contact) but I haven't seen them in over a decade. The only issue is that they now occasionally attempt to contact DD directly (generally mail but some idiot bought them a laptop and introduced them to facebook) hmm

In hindsight, it might have been easier if we'd managed a slow fade rather than an abrupt cut off.

RustyPaperclip Mon 07-Nov-16 19:51:48

I am unfortunately going through a similar experience at the moment and finding it incredibly hard. Thank you for starting this thread OP

backupbackup Mon 07-Nov-16 19:54:10

My DH is onside although I think he'll maintain some level of contact as will my DD to a certain extent. for me though, I'm done. It's taken a long time to feel comfortable saying it and believing it's the best thing for me but I've accepted it and I'm much more at peace.

FleurThomas Mon 07-Nov-16 22:50:45

Easy because they live in a different country. Moved the weekly phone call to a monthly one. They don't like it but since they're too lazy/tight to call us, they have to deal.

RustyPaperclip Mon 07-Nov-16 23:56:17

Backup I understand you don't want to say too much, but do you mind me asking how this is working so far with your DH? I'm wary of saying too much as well but my DH is fully supporting me after I finally stood up to MIL on behalf of DH and sli

RustyPaperclip Tue 08-Nov-16 00:01:59

Posted too soon in tiredness! But yes, stood up finally to MIL and her reaction has been to cut us out of her life completely. I've tried my best to repair their relationship and tried to back off but DH is firmly on my side and MIL will not talk to either of us. How on earth do you move on from that?

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