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Aibu to not grovel around thanking dh for doing the washing

(14 Posts)
lookingbackandthinking Mon 07-Nov-16 16:11:40

It's a complicated back story which I have posted about before in bits but dh went through a phase the last 2 years of just being really really unreasonable , annoyed , wanted me to have an abortion. We have been together 15 years until the last 2 years he was just fantastic and tbh now he is starting to behave more normally again.

The last 2 years he has done NO housework or childcare - we have 6 children and I was left to my own devices for that time. He has recently started to do bits of his own accord. On the weekend he did a few loads of washing. It seriously the first time in years he has done anything helpful just because he wanted to.

The thing is I am being left feeling like I should be worshipping him for this - by both him and his sister (who he of course mentioned it to).

I still have issues and well I don't want to say flashbacks that's too dramatic but the last two years has really affected me. I find it very difficult to talk about. I think things are really improving now - and tbh I hope they do we were very happy the 13 years before that and we actually get on very well.

I feel like my grasp of realistic behaviour has been lost so o can't actually decide if I should be praising him for doing the washing and being really nice this weekend (he made me breakfast as well!). Or if I should just say a simple "thanks!"

Aibu to not want to go on saying thank you?

(Do I win a prize for the most mundane worry?! grin)

OrianaBanana Mon 07-Nov-16 16:17:29

I think you know that you shouldn't need to thank your DH for doing the laundry for the household a few times in 2 years.

If you feel however that the upward trend in his behaviour might be encouraged by a gentle word of thanks, I'm sure it wouldn't hurt the improvement process. It sounds like there is more going on here than him just ignoring household tasks though.

lalalalyra Mon 07-Nov-16 16:18:14

I'd say thanks to someone who made me breakfast. I wouldn't be worshipping someone for doing a share of the washing for the first time in two years. Absolutely not. The most he'd get from me would be a "I appreciate you putting in more effort".

formerbabe Mon 07-Nov-16 16:18:48

It doesn't sound does, however, sound like you have much bigger issues in your relationship than just the washing.

KittyandTeal Mon 07-Nov-16 16:23:33

My dh does lots around the house and I don't think I usually say thank you.

I might do if I say something like 'can you remind me to do x when I get home' and then he does it instead I say 'thanks for doing that'. Obviously I say thanks when he cooks and compliment the food, just like he does with me.

Doing a bit of washing would definitely not result in worshipping on my part, but then his family would be a bit hmm if he bragged about having done a bit of house work.

ErrolTheDragon Mon 07-Nov-16 16:26:59

Well, you certainly shouldn't be oozing gratitude but an acknowledgement that he's getting back on the right track might be constructive. Something like, thanks, I really appreciate you taking on some of the chores.

Not 'for me'! And if it conveys that you'd be pleased if this becomes the norm not just an occasional thing, all to the good.

lookingbackandthinking Mon 07-Nov-16 16:30:28

Thanks - it ha been a really difficult couple of years and it's only the last few months that he has been improving really. I have said thank you for doing the washing and for breakfast .

mum2Bomg Mon 07-Nov-16 16:35:45

We both say thank you when the other has done something - not a grovelling thank you m'lud type thing though. Does he say thank you to you?

ikeawrappingpaper Mon 07-Nov-16 16:36:10

Does he thank you for doing the washing every other time?

lookingbackandthinking Mon 07-Nov-16 17:27:52

No he doesn't say thank you grin

AmeliaJack Mon 07-Nov-16 17:39:54

Well it depends. DH gets thanks for doing something specifically for me so bringing me a cup of tea, or making me breakfast or polishing my shoes.

He might also get thanked for finishing something I was half way through like finishing hanging out the washing or joining in with putting away the shopping.

He doesn't get thanked for doing laundry, ironing, hoovering, cutting the grass etc because those are jobs that need to be done.

44PumpLane Mon 07-Nov-16 17:49:30

I thank my husband for doing stuff in the house at the minute but that's because he's doing EVERYTHING! I'm heavily pregnant with twins, on maternity leave while he continues to work and he comes home and pretty much does everything in the house too without complaint as I'm shattered.
So I always thank him.

But..... when we're both working and just getting on and doing stuff I'll say thanks if he makes my tea and he thanks me if I make his tea. We don't thank each other for binging a wash on or cleaning the bathroom unless, like another poster, I've mentioned I'll do something and he does it first, then I'll let him know I appreciate it.

Just because he's been shit for the past 2 years doesn't mean you have to whimper now he's put a wash on!!

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 07-Nov-16 18:00:58

His sister needs to butt out.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 08-Nov-16 01:17:35

So what makes him so bloody special?

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