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AIBU to not side with my friend?

(4 Posts)
TotallyOblivious Sun 06-Nov-16 19:23:55

Long story short, my friend has a son (9) who is extremely naughty because, quite simply, she lets him do what he likes. She cries and whines that her DS is naughty yet refuses to listen to mine or anyone else's advise and instead keeps letting him get away with it. She lets him do what he wants and (if ever) scolds him because he's her only child and knows how to manipulate her (he won't do anything at all unless he gets something he wants in return, like sweets, toys or apps).

Anyway at parents evening she was told by DS teacher he was loud, disruptive, doesn't listen to instructions and was quite frankly a distraction to other children from learning. After talks with him during time out the teacher identified it was because he lacked discipline at home so advised her to stick to her threats and follow through with punishments.

This has not gone down well with her at all. She's written a formal complaint to the school, and when that did nothing - her MP. She spends every moment bitching about it to me / our other friends that her son is "misunderstood" and how dare they assume DS lacks discipline when they don't know her personally? She thinks it's appalling and wants an apology written stating her son is none of what was accused.

Problem is, i do know him and her and I know the teacher hit the nail on the head. So, AIBU to lack sympathy for her obvious embarrassment / anger over this ? I feel like fighting this is a loosing battle but at the same time I'm at a loss of how to tell her so without her thinking that I'm teaming up with the school against her.

So far I've kept from voicing my opinion and instead just sat and let her vent but I'm beginning to wonder if I should just tell her my thoughts?sad

DrQuinzel Sun 06-Nov-16 19:28:56

I think it depends how honest you can be with each other, which only you know. Some friends I can be quite blunt with and expect the same from them, others not. Personally, I would tell my friend if they were asking (for example, "do you think he lacks discipline?"). Otherwise I would just let her vent and lightheartedly encourage her to consider any suggestions the teacher had, something along the lines of "well why don't you give it a go?".

Only you know how she would take that and whether it would impact your friendship.

TotallyOblivious Sun 06-Nov-16 19:48:46

Thank you for your response - it might sound trivial but she's really insulted and sine I have a conflicting opinion I feel like a bad friend for not siding with her...

I've tried dropping hints when it it was said on the night and she just got wound up telling me over and over that she was right, they were in the wrong etc.

At the moment I'm just listening to her vent, because she already has the teacher / school sticking to their opinion. I don't want her to feel everyone is against her, whilst at the same time I really do think the teachers advise was sound confused

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 06-Nov-16 19:48:55

Oh trust me. Subconciously She knows her son has got his problems. That's why she's getting all defensive.
I suppose she's thinking. Everyone's calling us.
I don't think really its a case of taking sides. This isn't your argument. .

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