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To feel conflicted and confused about when to have baby number 3?

(10 Posts)
Whenisright Sun 06-Nov-16 16:48:29

I don't have anyone to talk to in real life so thought I'd throw it out here for anyone why might have had experience or any thoughts on this.... So we have gorgeous 2 year old twin boys. We had always planned to try and have baby number 3 when they were at school, for a number of reasons. I could work for a few months (maybe longer as who knows how long it would take!) and top up our income (I am a SAHM but with a good career to go back to), I can give all my time to the twins and I would have more energy and time to look after a new baby if they were school age. However, I've recently been having doubts. If I wait until the twins are 4 I will then have another 4 years of not working and living on one salary (fine, just no luxuries). Also, I am getting older and what if it takes a long time to conceive? I just don't know. I'm sure I read a thread recently with a similar worries but I have no idea how to find it! Thanks in advance!

MrsNuckyThompson Sun 06-Nov-16 16:53:09

There are so many variables it is hard to say. We thought to aim for a 3 year age gap - would give me two full years back at work to build on my career / buy some more goodwill, would make second mat leave easier as first would be older / at nursery/ out of nappies.

In the end it did take us longer to conceive than last time. So we're now looking at a four year age gap, not three! I think the advantages are still there. Potential downsides are whether the age gap is too large for them to be close /play together and of course we're starting the dark days of babydom a long long time after we've forgotten how to do it.

Did you have identical twins? A friend of mine with fraternals had two sets in a row!!

DoinItFine Sun 06-Nov-16 16:55:55

Will you have a good career to go back to after 8 years?

Or do I misunderstand?

Whenisright Sun 06-Nov-16 16:57:18

Thank you! No they are fraternal. And other things to consider I guess is that they are stil breastfed and still co sleep and are up frequently at night too. We definitely won't be trying anytime soon but maybe 1 year as opposed to 2. I know I am grasping at straws and won't get any answers via mumsnet, I just feel confused at what is the best thing to do!

Whenisright Sun 06-Nov-16 16:58:01

I have a good career and can go back to it at anytime. It wouldn't matter if I took 1 year or 10 off if you see what I mean!

Whenisright Sun 06-Nov-16 19:46:04


DoinItFine Sun 06-Nov-16 19:53:19

It's so individual.

I can tell you that my youngest is 4 and I find the idea of starting again with a baby pretty horrific.

I've reclaimed so much of myself in the past year.

Also our family has moved on from naps and buggies and nappies and nobody would enjoy those restrictions at this point.

How old are you?

There are just so many variables.

I think my preference would be not to wait any longer. But I've never had twins, so maybe I wpuld have been committed before it got to this stage.

Whenisright Sun 06-Nov-16 21:46:17

Thanks! Yes, I guess it's just something we will figure out... I'm mid 30s.

Gymnopedies Sun 06-Nov-16 22:08:31

DS and DD have a 22 months gap and it has worked reasonnably well, but DD is a much better sleeper than her brother and I was healthier at the end of the 2nd pregancy. I had to stop breastfeeding DS though as it was painful for me (I thought DS was teething but it was because I was pregnant). DD was a bit of a surprise really as it took 4 years to conceive DS and just once for DD. Same happened to my friend, so I think second babies might be easier.
It's a really personal decision, I don't think there is a right or wrong choice.

Gymnopedies Sun 06-Nov-16 22:10:26

Sorry more a 31 months gap! DS was 22 months when I found out i was pregnant again.

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