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My bf is the best guy in the world BUT HE CANNOT HANDLE HIS BOOZE

(29 Posts)
FilmaWlintstone Sat 05-Nov-16 22:51:24

I don't know what to do or say really

We we currently in a cab home

He's perfect in every other way but he cannot handle his drink. He's never abusive or horrible with it he just falls off a cliff and becomes very drunk very quickly

Aibu ??? I feel like a sort of parent when I'm out with him - he's not like this in any other way he's wonderful - he just doesn't know his limit

I think I want to get married and have babies one day with him I don't want to ruin it

I feel I'm being unreasonable ???

AddToBasket Sat 05-Nov-16 22:52:25

Is he alcoholic?

Squeegle Sat 05-Nov-16 22:54:01

Yanbu, does he know this is a problem?

FilmaWlintstone Sat 05-Nov-16 22:54:49

He's not

Really he doesn't need it - weeks and weeks go by with no alcohol fuelled event

We have 1 glass at home now and again and that's it

And to preempt the question I know he never secretly drinks

He's currently making me tea he's wonderful in that way... I feel in being a wanker

FilmaWlintstone Sat 05-Nov-16 22:55:14


idontlikealdi Sat 05-Nov-16 22:57:27

I lobos uou pre emptied it but are you sure he's not pre drinking? Sounds like it.

FilmaWlintstone Sat 05-Nov-16 23:04:07

He's not - we don't live together yet but we do in practical terms if that makes sense - he was at work before we went out tonight so I know he wasn't

It's just this shite decision making of how much he can drink

He's totally harmless with it

(And wonderful all other times)

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Sat 05-Nov-16 23:04:53

YANBU to ask questions about it..

What happens when he gets drunk? Does he become melancholy, larger than life or aggressive and nasty or talkative and cuddly?

Marmighty Sat 05-Nov-16 23:06:06

What does he think or say about it? Is he embarrassed? He needs to learn his limits.

lostoldlogin2 Sat 05-Nov-16 23:06:24

my boyfriend is Asian and falls asleep after 2 beers. Literally - sound asleep at restaurant table . Goes bright pink after 1 beer. I adore him. He doesnt have a drink problem - just a genetic very low alcohol tolerance. To the outside observer - a sleeping man at a restaurant table out with his girlfriend might look like a serious drunk. But it is genuinely just a tolerance thing - he has a little kip! If you are talking about something like that then well - that's not a big deal.

HOWEVER. If you are saying he becomes violent, angry, abusive, shouty, sweary, unkind, vomits or pisses himself or any other horribleness - that is a VERY different story. What exactly do you mean when you say he can't handle his booze?

FilmaWlintstone Sat 05-Nov-16 23:08:52


He doesn't become any of those things

Just sloppy!! Which is why I think I'm being unreasonable!

I just want to be able to go out and have a nice time with friends and rely on him for once for the taxi etc

I sound bloody spoilt but I feel I'm always looking out for it!

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 05-Nov-16 23:10:28

How old is he?

Joe long has he been drinking for?

FilmaWlintstone Sat 05-Nov-16 23:11:23

He's 33.,.

LikeDylanInTheMovies Sat 05-Nov-16 23:12:17

Part of the problem is that he's going weeks without booze and then drinking on a night out.

He either needs to knock the booze on the head totally or he needs to get some practice in and build up his tolerance. Little and often should help rather than binging once every few weeks.

SixtiesChildOfWildBlueSkies Sat 05-Nov-16 23:17:14

Aibu ??? I feel like a sort of parent when I'm out with him - he's not like this in any other way he's wonderful - he just doesn't know his limit

I think I want to get married and have babies one day with him I don't want to ruin it

You won't be the one ruining it - he will, as you'll be a parent to your dc's plus another 'DC' - him!
And he might be all soppy with it now, but what if he drinks so much he doesn't wake up to go to the loo, and wets the bed - or throws up - and expects you to clear it up because you're the parent and he's the manchild alcoholic

I just want to be able to go out and have a nice time with friends and rely on him for once for the taxi etc
You're not spoilt, nor a wanker as you put it - you just want him to act like a responsible adult - y'know - like he should be when you have DC's etc!

I know I sound harsh, but I've seen this happen - don't move in with him for a lonnnnng time yet, watch and wait. If he's the same in 5 years time, he'll still be the same in 50 years to come.

wundringnow Sat 05-Nov-16 23:17:28

Hi there, I can absolutely relate. My DH rarely drinks but when he does, he descends very very quickly.

It caused some tense times for us because it's literally the only thing we have fought about. He doesn't understand why it hurts or bothers me. However to me, it's a huge deal in terms of losing respect of those around him, and safety. He blacks out and has been picked up by an ambulance from the street once. I worry that he'll fall over and hit his head on something.

After a few serious incidents including one at a work event he began to address it. He took time off and also started counselling with someone experienced in such topics. Sometimes you don't need the label "alcoholic" for there to be an alcohol problem.

He has set guidelines around his drinking now, which are helpful. I still feel nervous when he drinks but have decided I have to trust him in the end as he's a good person who's tried hard to address his faults.

Just wanted to say I understand.

Floggingmolly Sat 05-Nov-16 23:20:49

Why does he insist on drinking more than the amount he can tolerate? I'd find it too tedious to be with someone who regularly turned into a slobbering mess because they had little tolerance for alcohol but drank to excess anyway.
I find drunks boring. I do actually drink myself, but know when to stop

FilmaWlintstone Sat 05-Nov-16 23:24:25

Thank you everyone

I do appreciate your thoughts

He's snoring next to me and I can't help but look at him like this and think he's wonderful

He's done so much for me and supported me through very difficult times (even as fete day before we were together ) that I feel 'this isn't so bad'

But thank you, I do really appreciate it and will read again in the morning x

Kr1stina Sat 05-Nov-16 23:25:59

Well he doesn't need to handle his booze, does he ?

Because you are handling it for him. Any problems, Filma makes excuses and bundles him in a taxi. Problem solved.

FilmaWlintstone Sat 05-Nov-16 23:27:21

And thank you wundringnow

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 06-Nov-16 00:00:25

33? He should know better. I thought he was 19.

You are allowed to have boundaries. If he goes weeks and weeks without it, why does he bother at all? Just don't drink...

Eevee77 Sun 06-Nov-16 00:08:00

Is he a lightweight or does he drink a lot very quickly? If he's a lightweight I'd be telling him so and that at 33 he should be growing out of it. If it's the latter I'd be wary

YouJustWouldntLetItLieWouldYa Sun 06-Nov-16 01:17:11

I have one of those, I call him 2pint. As in he's pissed off 2 pints of fosters, a 3rd will tip him over the edge. Bloody embarrasing hmm

Kr1stina Sun 06-Nov-16 07:47:36

I find some of these attitudes really childish Ha ha he's a lightweight. Makes you sound sixteen years old .

The problem isn't that he gets drunk after a certain amount, everyone does that. The problem is that he doesn't stop drinking before he becomes helpless.

He's needs to know his limit and stick to it. Just like every other responsible drinker. He just needs to grow up.

Trifleorbust Sun 06-Nov-16 08:19:06

Not ideal but hardly the end of the world if it's a rare occurrence. How much does he drink to get himself 'sloppy'?

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