Argument with a manchild and now being ignored

(60 Posts)
LittleBitSadLittleBitMad Sat 05-Nov-16 14:39:07

The cunt! The selfish cunt!
I'm AIBUing this one because there are a couple of reasons I may actually be partly to blame.

So, things had been really bad with us, to the point I was planning to leave and then they plateaued out and I felt like I'd blown the whole relationship problems out of proportion.

Today he sleeps till midday because, fair enough, he was working till midnight. He's working all day tomorrow and said he'd take us (me and dd) out for a lunch before work (think nandos rather than the ivy) . Whilst he's asleep I get a call from my sister saying can I make a birthday massage appointment for 3pm and she'll look after dd in the process. I think, 'great, I can do lunch then go afterwards' too good to turn down right? Dp come out of the bedroom to ask who's been on the phone so I explain. He goes mad shouting that we had plans and his plan was for us to eat late so he would go straight to work from the restaurant. I say that I'd still love to go out for lunch but no! He storms out for a smoke kicking dd's toys across the room and tells me to stay out of the front room. I've been ignored since then and am now on my way for a massage grin

Reasons why I may be unreasonable: we only had a small window to spend together as a family this weekend and I shortened it by an hour, he was offering a nice thing as we are skint, meals out don't happen often and finally because I made these plans which would impact on our ones without consulting him first.

So AIBU?

Arfarfanarf Sat 05-Nov-16 14:49:46

No.

He said lunch.

Lunch is the midday meal.

There was loads of time to do both.

He tantrummed like a fucking brat.

LittleBitSadLittleBitMad Sat 05-Nov-16 14:53:30

Now I'm running late for my massage because of trying to placate him angry

DancingPenguin1 Sat 05-Nov-16 14:58:02

There was plenty of time for lunch before a 3pm massage, his reaction is absolutely disproportionate and unreasonable. Sounds like my dh though. This, I suspect, is symptomatic of a much bigger picture. Yanbu

Squirmy65ghyg Sat 05-Nov-16 15:01:56

He sounds insane. Is he abusive in other ways?

AmeliaJack Sat 05-Nov-16 15:05:56

If you were unreasonable the reasonable reasonable from him would have been to say "I'm disappointed, I'd planned a late lunch - you should have discussed it with me".

Kicking your DD's toys and banning you from parts of your own house -not a reasonable response to a change of plans.

PinkiePiesCupcakes Sat 05-Nov-16 15:10:16

As Amelia says, a reasonable reaction would be,
"I was hoping wed have as much time together as possible, what with my working and stuff, feels like I don't see you. Oh well."

His reaction was:
"Wahhhh wahhh wahhhh I want, i want, I want"

Like a toddler wanting a sweety from the shop.

baconandeggies Sat 05-Nov-16 15:14:43

no, YANBU. Even if he had a point, the way he kicked off about it was unreasonable - nobody should speak to anyone like that.

BridgetWard Sat 05-Nov-16 15:21:34

I'm absolutely astounded that you would consider yourself at fault in any way whatsoever, what a brat, what adult kicks a child's toys around and bans you from areas of your home, don't placate the fucker, tell him to grow up.

2kids2dogsnosense Sat 05-Nov-16 15:24:39

tells me to stay out of the front room

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YANBU!

He is in a strop because he doesn't get his own way - he's worse than a child because children don't know any better.

No-one - NO-ONE - would keep out of a room in my own home.

I'm afraid you are married to a tosser.

Have a seat, grabba cuppa tea anna biscuit, fill in this membership form for the club. There's a lot of them about.

But there is noway he should be talking to you like that. All he had to say was that he had been looking forward to it just being you and the little 'un. Or there was nothing to stop him getting down to work after lunch anyway - what time was he thinking of having lunch - at teatime?

If he's so pee'd that he doesn't want to talk to you, let HIM go out - sit in the library, get a po-faced coffee somewhere, walk his temper off - whatever. But it's not up to him to tell him that you can't use room in your house.

LittleBitSadLittleBitMad Sat 05-Nov-16 16:29:02

Ahh, so chilled after an hours massage I just don't care right now grin
Yes he's a tosser. I thought he was making an effort to change. Seems not. Wanker.

TheNaze73 Sat 05-Nov-16 16:43:52

I think his reaction is more than about the lunch. His actions & subsequent reactions are those of someone who hates you. Is there a bigger problem behind this?

LittleBitSadLittleBitMad Sat 05-Nov-16 16:49:01

It's not a great relationship but I was kidding myself things were changing. He like to get his own way and thanks to mn and growing some self esteem I'm not changing plans and behaviour just to keep him happy.... And this is the resulting behaviour.

LittleBitSadLittleBitMad Sat 05-Nov-16 18:11:22

He's ignored my calls and I don't even care. Out with family having a fun evening smile

TotallyOuting Sat 05-Nov-16 18:15:43

Good on you OP. What a waste of your energy he seems.

dingdongdigeridoo Sat 05-Nov-16 18:19:48

Kicking your child's toys? That's horrible. I hope she didn't witness this behaviour.

toptoe Sat 05-Nov-16 18:23:47

Change rarely happens. And it never happens because their partner wants it to.

Arfarfanarf Sat 05-Nov-16 18:24:27

Better if you dont call him at all dont you think? He feels he's punishing you by ignoring your calls.
Not calling him shows you dont care.

LittleBitSadLittleBitMad Sat 05-Nov-16 18:41:15

She did witness him kicking her toys which is why I cooled it buy agreeing to leave the room when asked.

I know calling him is giving him the upper hand but one of us has to be an adult.

Arfarfanarf Sat 05-Nov-16 18:45:29

I see what you're saying but an alternative way of looking at it would be the adult thing to do is to not engage at all with someone stropping and sulking.

And has the added bonus of knowing he's also now pissed off that you're not pleading with him.

But yes. Your way is sensible. i am petty

LittleBitSadLittleBitMad Sat 05-Nov-16 20:06:00

True, and if I'm honest I also got in touch with him (well tried) too call a truce as I hate fighting wear as he has such self belief that he'd fight till I gave up! I can't win.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 05-Nov-16 20:40:49

Call 'a truce' with this tosser? Are you mad? If you continue to attempt to placate him you'll end up subjugating yourself even more than you have done already.

Tell him to fuck off live elsewhere and refrain from making any contact with you until he's grown up and is sufficiently mature to be a father.

TotallyOuting Sat 05-Nov-16 20:47:54

I hate fighting wear as he has such self belief that he'd fight till I gave up!

He does this because he's used to you (/other people) giving up. He doesn't have superhuman powers of debate. He's not being made to be a grown up because you'll fold instead. Expect more than this or you'll never get it.

IAmNotAMindReader Sat 05-Nov-16 21:04:11

Life's too short to spend it trying to appease a cunt.

LittleBitSadLittleBitMad Sat 05-Nov-16 22:36:18

I still haven't heard a thing from him and I'm sitting on my hands to stop myself calling him. He is an utter tosser. I'm dreading him coming home tonight. I'll be treated to the full silent treatment sulk mode.

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