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AIBU?

To think MIL should take the bus?

54 replies

Endoftheroad16 · 05/11/2016 11:33

We are visiting family abroad next week and MIL will be visiting at the same time but travelling separately. We land in the morning and will be hiring a car to get us and our two children to our destination. MIL doesn't arrive until mid afternoon. It's too long a gap for us to wait around for her.

Now DH is saying he will drive us the hour and a half to our destination then go back to the airport later to collect MIL. AIBU to think this is silly and he should just let her get the bus?

To clarify she goes to visit these relatives regularly and always gets the airport bus to the town they live in. So this won't be a problem for her and she has even said that is what she will do this time.

AIBU? It just seems crazy for him to do a 3 hour round trip to collect her when she can get the bus and he could collect her from ten minutes away. He will already have driven to the airport that morning then driven us the 1.5 hours to the relatives house.

I must admit I don't much fancy sitting in his relatives house for 3 hours or so without him either, having to make small talk. So maybe I am being unreasonable?

OP posts:

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Trifleorbust · 05/11/2016 11:35

You are. He wants to do a nice thing for his mum. She isn't demanding anything and you are largely unaffected. I agree with you that it is a bit OTT but it's his mum.

OhTheRoses · 05/11/2016 11:37

Why can't you drive from the airport to the rellys and yr dh can travel by bus with MIL and you pick them up from the bus stop.

YABU a bit about making small talk with the rellys.

ajandjjmum · 05/11/2016 11:37

It's his Mum - maybe he quite likes the idea of having a quiet chat with her on the way to way you're staying? If he's happy to do it, I don't see a problem unless his relatives are unbearable - in which case you probably wouldn't be going on holiday there?

Or is the airport somewhere you could go and get lunch with the children and then go back to meeting her before travelling together to your destination?

DH or I might well have done the same for one of our parents.

Hercules12 · 05/11/2016 11:38

That's a nice thing for him to do and he probably wants to spend some 1 on 1 time with his mum. I'd do the same for my mum as would dh. In fact dh would do it for my mum too.

stella23 · 05/11/2016 11:39

But it's not all about you.

llangennith · 05/11/2016 11:40

It's exactly what my son has done and with DIL's blessing. I told him I'd be fine to get the bus (from Lisbon airport!) but he insisted he'd pick me up. You should be glad he's such a thoughtful man.

Sparlklesilverglitter · 05/11/2016 11:40

What's the issue?

He isn't asking you to go with him and pick mil up, so I don't see the issue.
Also if you don't want to sit with his relatives and make "small talk" why are you going to visit them? Free holiday?

He wants to pick his Mum up to save her the bus trip, which i think is actually very nice. Haven't we all done nice things for our Mum?

Endoftheroad16 · 05/11/2016 11:41

It's 5hours between our flights and a small airport so waiting around for her would be pretty hellish. That was his first suggestion though.

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WorraLiberty · 05/11/2016 11:42

I think he sounds lovely.

His mum having to get the bus after all that traveling, or you having to actually talk to the people in whose home your are visiting?

Picking up DM would win hands down for me.

Endoftheroad16 · 05/11/2016 11:42

Visiting them because they are his relatives and he wants us to see them. Trust me it's not somewhere you'd go for a holiday otherwise.

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VladmirsPoutine · 05/11/2016 11:42

Your dh sounds a rather nice chap. It isn't all about you.

Eatthecake · 05/11/2016 11:43

He wants to pick his Mum up and what's wrong with that? I really can't see your problem with it

I think saying I don't want to make "small talk" with his family, is actually quite rude when you are visiting them. As they live abroad I doubt you see them often so why not slap a smile on and enjoy seeing them/talking to them

Endoftheroad16 · 05/11/2016 11:44

His mum only lives a 40 minute flight away so it's not a huge journey for her . She is very independent and does the journey every other month.

But I accept I am being unreasonable!

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RiverTam · 05/11/2016 11:45

He's being kind. Yes, she clearly can manage the airport bus, but much nicer for her to be driven by her son, no?

I can understand you might not be too comfortable being with his relations you don't know well, but you could get in great and if it's a bit much take the DC to the park for a bit?

Endoftheroad16 · 05/11/2016 11:45

My DH is not a "nice chap" unfortunately but that's a whole other thread 😄

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coffeegivemecofee · 05/11/2016 11:46

I think he's very kind to pick his Mum up, I hope my ds treats me like that when his older!
I don't see your problem! Yabu

The whole I don't want to make small talk with his family. When you are in there home that is rude. They are his family, you choose to marry him, he cares for them So smile and talk to them

WorraLiberty · 05/11/2016 11:47

Or you could leave him and the kids at the relative's house and drive to the airport yourself to pick her up?

Bruce02 · 05/11/2016 11:47

I would do this for parents and dh would too. We would do it for each others too.

It's so nice thing to do.

Why are you going at all?

fuzzywuzzy · 05/11/2016 11:49

He sounds lovely it's something my DP would do to make his mums life easier as well, & I adore him for his thoughtfulness & kindness.

Can you not instead of making small talk, sort yourself and kids out, unpack, rest etc till he gets back?

EweAreHere · 05/11/2016 11:50

I don't think you're being unreasonable, tbh. She sounds well traveled and perfectly capable of getting herself there.

But, if it's what he wants to do, let him do it as long as he's not hanging you out with wired/exhausted children if you're exhausted yourself unnecessarily.

Endoftheroad16 · 05/11/2016 11:52

I'm going because he wants to take kids to see his family. He is a drinker so I can't/wont not go as I wouldn't relax leaving them with him.

His relatives live in middle of nowhere so going to park etc not an option.

They are nice enough people but I can't be alone in not relishing the thought of 3 hours alone in their company without DH as a buffer?

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alessandro56 · 05/11/2016 11:52

It's a nice thing to do! Even if you are well travelled (I am) it stinks to get out of the airport and see all those people waiting for someone while there is no one waiting for you. Even when I go back home it feels weird. And I fly every other weekend...

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Aderyn2016 · 05/11/2016 11:53

If he isn't a nice chap, why are you still in the marriage and going on holiday together? Is this something we can help you with? You might want to start a thread to get some advice about the relationship.

RiverTam · 05/11/2016 11:54

Having read your updates I would be tempted to tell DH to go with MIL and stay at home. He's not sounding quite so kind any more - well, not to his wife, at any rate.

Aderyn2016 · 05/11/2016 11:54

If you don't want to go, you don't have to. Abd you don't have to let him take the dc if you know they won't be safe with him.

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