Two and a half years ago my MIL died quite unexpectedly. She had been unwell for about 8 months but suddenly took a turn for the worse and died about ten days after she had presented to A&E. She was 62 and she and FIL had been together for about 40 years.
Anyway, 5 months after her death my FIL came to visit and told us he'd met another woman. My DH took this extremely badly due to it being so soon after his mother's death. FIL had met this other woman at a support group for those who'd been bereaved as she'd lost her husband to the same disease that had taken MIL.
Fast forward to now, it is two years down the line and DH still won't accept this woman as being part of his father's life. DH has met her once when we went to visit FIL and she was unexpectedly there. DH said hello briefly but we then left after about 5 minutes. This was the first time I had met her too.
Despite knowing her name he refers to her as "that woman" if for any reason she comes into conversation between us both.
I have met her plenty of times when I've been at FIL's house on my own and she is perfectly nice.
DH has a brother (who is married with three children) and the woman has been fully accepted by him and about once a month they all go out on a day trip together as a family with the children.
We always used to have Christmas Dinner at FIL's house but we haven't the last two years and won't again this year because DH won't go there if she is.
I have tried to talk to him about how his dad needs companionship and it isn't fair to punish him (for want of a better word) for having met someone.
I acknowledge that it was quick to happen after DH's mother's death but surely if they've been together for over 2 years then my DH needs to find a way to accept the relationship? Things are quite strained between DH and FIL, it's like the white elephant in the room all the time and now it's affecting our son's relationship with his grandad as they hardly spend time together anymore as DH don't go to FILs house in case the woman is there and FIL knows she wouldn't be welcomed at ours by DH.
I feel sorry for FIL as he's in such a difficult position as he obviously doesn't want to upset my DH but he shouldn't be forced to live a lonely life and not have anyone to share it with should he? Why should he have to choose between his partner and my DH?
I haven't lost a parent so I don't know how it feels when another person is added into the mix after a death so I genuinely don't know if I'm expecting too much?
When I try and talk to DH about it he gets defensive and angry, says he can't believe I would question him about his thought process when I know how much he loved his mum.
I feel like we're going round in circles.
Has anyone got any thoughts or been in a similar circumstance who can advise me on how to deal with this situation?
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AIBU?
To think DH needs to come to terms that his father has met somebody else?
69 replies
Writerwannabe83 · 05/11/2016 08:25
OP posts:
LindyHemming ·
05/11/2016 08:45
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