to be really angry and hurt?

(58 Posts)
imsodonewiththis Sat 05-Nov-16 01:03:44

I promised to take my sister to dinner for a belated birthday treat. We agreed provisionally on a time, but she often changes times as she's finding work tough at the moment (new job, she's not coping well). Fine.

However early this morning my phone broke. I switched to email, asking her to confirm a good time to meet. She replied to my email but then stopped replying... I asked a relative to phone her. I gave her the phone number of the friend who I was with.

Anyway she changed the time by an hour. Annoying but fine, meant I had to kill time waiting for her. She then changed it by another hour. Ok, fine, she was busy. It resulted in my waiting in the freezing cold outside a restaurant (apparently she got the wrong branch... despite suggesting it herself!) for one hour and a half. Waiting and waiting. She didn't even apologise when she arrrived. She has form for this.

I was absolutely devastated, hurt and angry. I feel she has little regard for my time. She is finding her job very stressful but seems to want to make my life terrible too, as if punishing me for something? She told me I didn't know what hard work was and was snide and catty to me throughout the meal.

Aibu to just call it a day for now?

HandbagCrazy Sat 05-Nov-16 02:10:00

YANBU!

My family are late for everything and it makes me feel completely disrespected , as though I am not important enough to plan for. Due to this I have altered the way I make plans with them- I don't invite them to my house for meals anymore and if I am meeting them somewhere I make sure it has somewhere warm and comfortable for me to wait or something close by that I'm interested in (shops usually). I go early, do what I want and they call me when they arrive. It's lessened the stress massively.

Could you do something like that OP? Your dsis is beyond rude and you have every right to be upset and furious flowers

angelofmylifetime Sat 05-Nov-16 02:25:26

I was absolutely devastated, hurt and angry.

I am sorry you had a frustrating day waiting for your sister. I'm sure most people would be annoyed, especially as it happened before. So my belief is YANBU.

However, I was struck by your passionate words above. To be devastated seems somewhat of an over reaction, at least on the face of it. So for you to feel that way I assume there is a back story here that you maybe need to work through. Good luck and I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

user1477282676 Sat 05-Nov-16 03:11:20

I agree she was VERY rude but you can't really be "devastated" you must be annoyed...even angry.

BabyJakeHatersClub Sat 05-Nov-16 05:15:04

I love the hyperbole here.

She was late. Rude I guess but for you to be "Devastated, hurt and angry" makes me wonder how you'd feel if something that's actually bad happened.

Let me guess, you're 19?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Sat 05-Nov-16 05:19:27

Gosh,, what a ridiculous overreaction! You were devastated because plans had to be changed last minute?! Annoyed and irritated I would get, but devastated?! confused

Yakitori Sat 05-Nov-16 05:29:00

YSWBU to be so late - she should have rescheduled.

YABU to be "devastated" and stand outside in the cold. Go in, get drinks and a snack.

BitOutOfPractice Sat 05-Nov-16 05:36:53

Why didn't you go and wait inside?

Bruce02 Sat 05-Nov-16 05:47:17

So you know she has form for this but admit you know the reasons why.

I would suggest not meeting up with her until she has her work issues resolved.

Of course sibu to be late and not apologise but your reaction, given you expected this is really over the top.

Thisjustinno Sat 05-Nov-16 06:03:07

You're not devastated though are you?

MidniteScribbler Sat 05-Nov-16 06:20:56

I hate lateness. I had a friend that was constantly over an hour late to everything. She even missed the ceremony part of my wedding. I started leaving if she wasn't there within ten minutes of the arranged meeting time. Lateness is sheer, absolute rudeness and I won't tolerate habitual lateness anymore.

redexpat Sat 05-Nov-16 08:32:22

I usually give people 15 minutes. Thats long enough to bump into someone you haven't seen for a while and get chatting, or to have trouble parking, or get lost, be held up by traffic etc. Then i go.

I dont really understand why you wouldnt wait inside the restaurant.

Yanbu it is really rude and disrespectful.

I don't spend any of my precious freetime on people who are catty and snide either. Why would you? And next time someone tells you you dont know what hard work is i would reply yes i do, you are. Or smile smugly and say i work smarter not harder.

If i was feeling charitable i would guess that as you said she is finding the new job tough going, and was taking her frustration out on you. Fuck that for a game of soldiers. She can find someone else to use as an emotional punchbag.

SeventyNineBottlesOfWine Sat 05-Nov-16 09:04:11

I can't abide habitual lateness either. It's rude and disrespectful.

I once had a friend who was often an hour or more late.

I put up with it until the time when I'd given birth prematurely to my son. He was extremely premature and we didn't even know if he'd survive.

She asked to meet me at the hospital and I agreed and told her I would wait outside the hospital so she would know where to go.

I ended up sitting outside in the middle of winter away from my very poorly son waiting for her.

She was an hour and a half late.

I ended the friendship after that as someone with so little regard for others is just not worth my time.

LetsAllEatCakes Sat 05-Nov-16 09:21:58

Yanbu to call it a day for now and have her meet you on your terms instead. She was late and rude. I'm just surprised you waited. I would have maxed half an hour and then gone home or to get some food.

She thinks it's ok to make you wait around, that her time is more precious, you can't change her mentality. You can disagree with it though, make it clear your time is just as important and ditch her if she's late.

imsodonewiththis Sat 05-Nov-16 15:16:16

im not 19 no hmm

Fine, I was hyperbolic with my language, but this was because I didn't have a phone so was not easily contactable. I had messaged her by email until midday when she promptly stopped replying, then given her two alternative contact numbers to use. Anyway she ended up being three hours late, but more to the point, I didnt know when to expect her - as mentioned, I didn't have a phone so didn't know if she was coming/when she was coming - just standing outside restaurant in cold.

Yes, I could have waited inside but it was a really fancy restaurant (bday treat for her, to add insult to injury - she just couldn't be arsed clearly) and I couldn't afford to keep buying food for us both.

We were supposed to meet at 7.30, then 7.45 - i eventually managed to borrow a random's phone at 9 to call her and she still hadn't left her house, over 30 mins away - no apology, nothing. She arrived at half 10, in a bad mood. This was a really fancy London restaurant, full of couples, and it obviously just looked like I had been stood up or something (which I guess I had been). I would NEVER EVER treat someone so casually.

imsodonewiththis Sat 05-Nov-16 15:19:08

Also just to clarify we both live on opposite sides of London and this restauant was halfway between both of our houses; it was really near my place of work (her suggestion, v central branch of famous chain) which wasnt actually that convenient - just meant I had to hang around work for four hours killing time. So if I had gone home, I wouldnt have been able to notify her and would have felt terrible. Next time will do just that though - she onviously doesnt care.

throwingpebbles Sat 05-Nov-16 15:25:31

So a lot of what went wrong here is that your phone broke... That wasn't your sister's fault

Littlefish Sat 05-Nov-16 15:26:42

You are letting her behave badly. At 9pm when you raised that she hadn't left her house, you should have cancelled her.

In fact, after waiting for half an hour, you should have left.

The only reason she carries on doing this is because she can. If you make it clear to her that you will leave, every time, half an hour after the arranged time, she has to take responsibility for herself.

Mamatallica Sat 05-Nov-16 15:27:01

If she's so snide and catty then why do you want to hang out with her anyway? Spend your time with people you like who actually like you too instead of trying to force a relationship with someone you happen to be related to.

Littlefish Sat 05-Nov-16 15:29:03

throwing - it's not her sister's fault the phone broke, but it's still completely unacceptable to change the arrangements so many times and leave someone hanging around in central London. If the OP had known reprimand thfor beginning that her sister was not going to be able to get there until 10.30, she could have made alternative arrangements.

Allthebestnamesareused Sat 05-Nov-16 15:31:40

So were you outside and freezing ir were you at work? Was it a fancy restaurant (which usually require bookings) or a chain?

If you had already left and had no phone then what good were the alternative phone numbers?

imsodonewiththis Sat 05-Nov-16 15:35:43

It was a fancy restaurant (dishes are 25 pounds up, so fancy for me anyway) of which there is a small chain across central London.

I was outside freezing, I work about a mile away and had left work at 6pm.

I had already left and no phone but she hadnt emailed me since midday, despite me sending quite a few messages asking her to confirm the plan. I know her number so gave her alternative numbers, agreeing to go with a friend for drinks after work as we were waiting (gave her this number); and then using a woman who I got chatting to outside the restaurant's phone.

imsodonewiththis Sat 05-Nov-16 15:37:39

I let her get away with it because I felt sensitive for her at the moment - she is being treated badly by work and by flatmates, and I wanted to treat her. But clearly the empathy doesn't extend two ways. It is always me giving and her taking/pushing.

2kids2dogsnosense Sat 05-Nov-16 15:46:22

I started leaving if she wasn't there within ten minutes of the arranged meeting time. Lateness is sheer, absolute rudeness and I won't tolerate habitual lateness anymore.

I fund that this works too - of course, sometimes there is a good reason (traffic, broken watch etc) but this is rare and if someone can't be bothered to be on time, or even apologise for their lateness, then I wouldn't wait for them.

However, you are feeding her ego by letting her pull your strings. Just say NO!

MadHattersWineParty Sat 05-Nov-16 15:47:38

So you still paid for her meal?

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