Is this taking the piss?

[Bluegreyblue55]

Name changed so not to out myself!

I'm a project manager, been working on a project for 18months, tight timescales and pressure, public sector.

Have a small team of staff who mainly aren't the greatest team players but are nice people - just not used to working in groups.

I've worked my bollocks off, I mean really worked hard, late nights, weekends, ruined evenings stressing about work etc and I've shielded them from the worst of the pressure always jolly and positive , fair boss.

Took them all out for Xmas last year at my own cost,always buy cakes coffees etc, we delivered our first phase of the project recently and so all good news, I gave each of them a gift and card and took them all out for a meal again at my own cost- drinks food etc.

Even the senior people on the team ( clinicians) I've bought gifts for to thank them for their help etc.

I've had nothing, not a card, not a coffee, flowers nothing at all, I am a generous person and I haven't given these things to recieve anything back but it's actually pissing me off now.

They have seen how hard I have worked and to not even give me a card I think is awful- AIBU?

[WickedLazy]

Do they maybe think you're trying to show off?

[user1470997562]

I think you are possibly. Some people don't really work on giving gifts. They go to work and hope they're going to have a nice time.

Whilst it's admirable you put in extra hours, had success and went out of your way to make people feel appreciated, gifts are not really something you should expect at work.

[Bluegreyblue55]

I did even think of that, I was just trying to do something to show my appreciation, I'm not rich and certainly not a show off!

[user1470997562]

Sorry - should say "are possibly expecting too much"

[WinchesterWoman]

Yes it's wanly they just don't care as much as you. They'll only care when you start pulling them up on things they do wrong. They think you're soft and may not respect your authority.

[Bluegreyblue55]

It's not the gift - a card or a coffee would do! :-)

[bikerlou]

I would definitely give something back if I knew my boss had paid for things for me yes. I would be pissed off. Thoughtless freeloaders.
Luckily i work alone in the NHS and rarely see another member of staff for weeks at a time.

[PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon]

Not everyone will think in terms of you. I'm an awful gift giver because it just doesn't cross my mind to do it in some circumstances

[WinchesterWoman]

Tell them off for everything. See if that motivates them

I mean do you need to be their friend that much?

[WitteryTwittery]

Hmmmm I don't know really - my manager always buys the drinks at Christmas meal, plus ice lollys in the summer etc for the team, sometimes chocolates etc. None of the team ever buy anything for her.

I just figured that as the manager she gets (substantially!) more money than us, and we work very very hard and it's usually her that gets the credit, and gets recognised for all her good work, not all the people below her.

[EssentialHummus]

If I was one of your team members, I'd worry that buying you coffee / a gift would seem like brown-nosing. So it's not necessary them not caring- they may worry about being misinterpreted.

[EssentialHummus]

*necessarily

[TondelayaDellaVentamiglia]

well, what have you learned from this?

[user1470997562]

I can't imagine giving my boss a card or buying them a coffee, unless we were friends. I'd have assumed what you paid for came out of expenses. I really wouldn't have thought that you paid for it yourself. Are they aware of that?

[Bluegreyblue55]

Normally it wouldn't bother me but I've worked so hard on this project and they know that, and after all I'm part of the team too!

[Bluegreyblue55]

I work in the NHS and things like this don't get paid from expenses they know I paid for it all.

I suppose it's the fact I never even got a card or anything it's a bit hurtful really

[Bagina]

I think you've given too much, emotionally and financially. Coffees and cakes from time to time would be more than enough. And why are you shielding them from so much? They're not your children. I'm not trying to be horrible; you're obviously committed, generous, and good at what you do, I just don't get it. It's work.

[Bluegreyblue55]

I'm the expert in the team and they were learning on the job, so I didn't want to overload them therefore I took on more than I normally would.

I probably have given too much but I was trying to build a team, i suppose I thought they would recognise as I'm working alongside them I'm part of the team too

[Weedsnseeds1]

Maybe they just assumed it was on expenses, rather than out of your own pocket? If they knew you paid a thank you is in order!

[yoowhoo]

I would think that it wasn't coming from you but from the company? Paying for everyone to go out for a Xmas meal must have coat a fortune. I don't work in an office but I would honestly thank you but not buy you anything. I would assume the company had paid! Sorry!

[WinchesterWoman]

I wish you were on my team. You sound azing

[Bluegreyblue55]

tbh to not even get a card when we met our first target I think was hurtful, I got them all a half bottle of champagne, chocolates and a card to thank them :-(

[WinchesterWoman]

Amazing!

[ftmsoon]

I would think it odd you gave us cards/gifts for doing our jobs! I have bought sharing gifts at Xmas, but no more and I wouldn't ever buy my boss a gift and I know she'd think it weird if I did! If one of my team bought me a card/gift I'd think they were after my job or brown-nosing as essential suggests.

[Bluegreyblue55]

Sorry to sound moany- I just feel a bit sorry for myself I suppose I'll snap out of it!