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To just cancel it

(25 Posts)
Chamonix1 Fri 04-Nov-16 18:30:15

So, friend asked a couple of months back if we (me and my dh with her and her dh) could go away to celebrate my birthday. I agreed as thought this was lovely.
Said friend has mentioned this over the past few months and said she is looking forward to it.
I have a look and can't find much accommodation for the place we were planning to visit so asked what she'd like to do (the accommodation was very expensive), friend said she had looked and found the same issue and offered to keep looking or just meet up locally, whatever suited.
Anyway, in the meantime my dh found a lovely cottage a couple of miles out that was reasonable so booked it.
At this point, informed my friend and let her know we had found somewhere and dh had said not to worry about the money as the cottage would've just been the same price if it was just the two of us and it was after all for my birthday so not an issue. At this point my friend starts saying she's almost 100% sure she can come and she would let me know (odd as she was the one who suggested we went away and on that weekend)
I heard nothing after a week so asked again, to be told she would have an answer the next day, I hear nothing.
Fast forward 2 weeks before my birthday and I had heard nothing to sent a msg to my friend just asking if they knew if they could come as if not we would need to know to make other plans and get our money back on the accommodation- friend comes online, repeatedly for the past 24 hours but doesn't read my message.
She doesn't want to come does she?
How do I say "hi; decided to cancel nice idea but obviously a bit inconvenient so catch up another time!" With our sounding like I'm throwing a hissy fit.
Or am I just being over the top ?
Need to make a decision soon or else we won't be able to find anywhere else or get our money back (we booked a cottage where friend suggested but would go somewhere else if we go alone).

Crunchymum Fri 04-Nov-16 18:32:20

Why don't you and your DP just go?

Redglitter Fri 04-Nov-16 18:33:27

I'd phone her and ask her instead of messaging

DreamingofItaly Fri 04-Nov-16 18:33:29

How strange. I think you should call her. Say "hi, not been able to get you so unsure if messages are working, you still fancy that weekend away or not?" If no, cancel, get your money and go elsewhere with DH.

Have a lovely birthday whatever you do!!

Manumission Fri 04-Nov-16 18:33:50

That's odd and really awkward.

Are you dead set on cancelling or just want an end to the awkwardness?

Chamonix1 Fri 04-Nov-16 18:34:36

Because we booked the cottage in a location chosen by my friend, if she's not coming we'd really like to visit somewhere else we haven't been before

Lweji Fri 04-Nov-16 18:35:59

Call her and talk to her.
She should tell you now if it's happening or not.

Could the problem be the cottage? Maybe too intimate? Or maybe she's having relationship problems?
Don't give up on her without at least talking to her first.

AlpacaLypse Fri 04-Nov-16 18:36:24

Definitely phone. And if it goes to voicemail, phone again from a number she won't recognise as yours, just in case she's changed her mind and is now dying of embarrassment and putting off letting you know.

Chamonix1 Fri 04-Nov-16 18:36:58

I have thought about calling but if she's ignoring me- which unfortunately I think she may be I'd rather not have the awkwardness of either being ignored again or the conversation!
I really don't mind if she's changed her mind, it'd be a shame as she suggested it and don't get to do this much but I'd understand it's more feeling like she doesn't want to come to something she organised, now wondering what I've done wrong!

ForeverEyesOfBlue Fri 04-Nov-16 18:36:59

Just cancel. If your friend hasn't been in touch with you at all to confirm she can go away for the weekend, then I don't even really see why you need to tell her. If she gets in touch, just tell her she's too late and they've missed out.
For some reason, I don't have many friends...! grin

Arfarfanarf Fri 04-Nov-16 18:37:28

Id phone her.

If she didnt answer the phone id send her a message saying been trying to get in touch. I need to know whether you're coming by x date. If i havent heard from you I'll assume you cant make it. Hope everything's ok with you. Bit worried about you. Not like you to not reply xxx

AyeAmarok Fri 04-Nov-16 18:37:47

I actually think your suggested message is really good OP, doesn't sound hissy-fit like at all.

Hope you and your DH have a lovely time wherever you go!

Birdsgottafly Fri 04-Nov-16 18:38:33

That message, or phoning her, is the way to go.

I think when making arrangements for this time of year, it's easy to forget how busy (and skint) we all become and how we struggle, with the Viruses etc that we're fighting off.

Or there could be something going on, that she doesn't want to share.

Chamonix1 Fri 04-Nov-16 18:40:14

Lweji I hadn't bought about that, maybe the cottage although I can see it, we have been friends since babies and have stayed at each other's houses etc, she was my bridesmaid etc. Maybe her dh would be uncomfortable, I don't know just wish she'd say she can't if she can't/doesn't want to.
Feel awakened asking AGAIN

NavyandWhite Fri 04-Nov-16 18:40:32

Can you get the money back on the cottage?

ConvincingLiar Fri 04-Nov-16 18:43:12

I'd definitely ring her. She owes you an explanation, and an answer at the very least.

Chamonix1 Fri 04-Nov-16 18:44:59

Navy , yes we can if we cancel it within the next week. Which is okay as we have another 7 days but I'm concerned we might not find anything else unless we book sooner than that.

NavyandWhite Fri 04-Nov-16 18:46:12

Do you think you can find somewhere else now?

Chamonix1 Fri 04-Nov-16 18:48:54

Yes we do, found a couple of good deals places we would like to visit but not many rooms left!

happypoobum Fri 04-Nov-16 19:00:08

I would have called her rather than all this messaging.....

I hope you get you have a nice birthday wherever/whoever you spend it with

Boysnme Fri 04-Nov-16 19:01:07

Just cancel and book where you and DP want to go to. If she comes back after that say sorry, we thought you weren't coming so have planned something else.

Janey50 Fri 04-Nov-16 19:02:58

How strange to suggest something in the first place then behave like this! I would just call her. Happy birthday btw.

NavyandWhite Fri 04-Nov-16 19:10:29

I'd cancel then and book something you really want. Some people are a bit weird aren't they? Or could there be a valid reason why's she being so quiet?

BoomBoomsCousin Fri 04-Nov-16 19:33:54

I might text her (probably not call if you think she's avoiding you) to ask if anything's wrong as you've been trying to get in touch and say at the same time not to worry about the cottage, you'll cancel this time and maybe you can all go there some other time. Then give it until Monday morning to cancel the booking in case she gets back to you.

dustarr73 Fri 04-Nov-16 19:59:57

You have given her enough notice,cancel and do what you want.If she comes back,just say you needed to confirm and since she didnt you are going somewhere else instead.

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