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My DS told me something that makes me suspect other mothers have been discussing me.

(50 Posts)
Twixandlatte Fri 04-Nov-16 12:59:49

This is a WWYD as I am fighting a VU urge to engage in passive aggressive behaviour at the school gates smile

My DS randomly told me that I look like a teenager on the way too school (DS is 5 I am 26). He goes to an academy in a fairly liberal borough where most mothers are 35-45 (something I've never had a problem with). He also asked me if teenagers can become pregnant? At this point I ask him what inspired this question and he says a couple of children have asked him at school.

Does this sound like something a couple of five year olds would come up with by themselves? The use of the words teenage and pregnancy make me feel as if it was something they overheard their parents say. I don't know whether I am being sensitive due to background differences and feeling judged for not being the norm at the school gates.

DearMrDilkington Fri 04-Nov-16 13:03:29

I'd say it's unlikely the kids came up with teenage mother on their own but maybe they have an older sister that's having a baby young and they picked it up from that?

scortja Fri 04-Nov-16 13:04:11

Perhaps they have but as an older parent myself I don't think its necessarily a bad thing - probably just an exclamation - "she looks like a teenager!"

I genuinely thought that one of the mums in DS1s year was her daughters older sister - its not a judgement - I was well jealous!

Mybugslife Fri 04-Nov-16 13:15:35

I'm a young mum. And yes was a teen when I had my dd. She's now 5 and I'm 24. A lot of the parents at her school are older and I always get judged by my age! I've literally sat at children's parties with all the other parents sat with their backs to me totally shutting down my advances for conversation.
But do you know what...they're probably jealous. Jealous I can rock up just out of bed and still look youthful wink
You're right it's unlikely that a bunch of 5 year olds have come to that on their own but don't worry about it. Hold your head high and let them all talk xx

Twixandlatte Fri 04-Nov-16 13:27:02

Thank you. I am just going to rise above it and hope it was innocent rather than malicious. It can be daunting feeling like the outsider at the school gates plus I don't play playground politics, I guess I was feeling abit sensitive about it all! Especially involving my son and making him question his family unit. I think that's what upset me the most

MabelSideswipe Fri 04-Nov-16 13:28:35

Take it as a compliment. After having experienced years of school gate nonsense, if this is the worst they are saying it is not a problem!

TragicallyUnbeyachted Fri 04-Nov-16 13:29:31

Tell all the other mothers that you're 38 and sell them a bunch of skincare products before they cotton on.

eyebrowsonfleek Fri 04-Nov-16 13:30:25

At his age, an 18 year old doesn't seem much different to a 28 year old. My son is 10 and wouldn't know if adults were in their 20s or 30s. Don't worry.

deste Fri 04-Nov-16 13:34:33

The parent of one of my DD's friends came to collect her after playing. My DD announced that Lucy's mum was only 23. I was a bit shocked because I was 43. I didn't think any differently towards her. Another mum in my sons class looked like a teenager, we didn't know if she was mum or big sister. This was at a top private school. Once they get used to you they won't notice.

BoffinMum Fri 04-Nov-16 13:35:12

I've had this. Just ignore it. Jealousy.

Sassypants82 Fri 04-Nov-16 13:37:54

I was 31 having my son & have always secretly envied younger Mums. You're doing great, forget you son said anything.

EssentialHummus Fri 04-Nov-16 13:38:56

Tell all the other mothers that you're 38 and sell them a bunch of skincare products before they cotton on.


Yes! Get onto them with some overpriced aloe vera shite, pronto!

LetitiaCropleysCookbook Fri 04-Nov-16 13:40:45

Well, if they think you were a teenage mother, then that's knocking at least another 2 years off your actual age! Bask in the glow of youth, op, and long may it last!

bonnymiffy Fri 04-Nov-16 13:41:51

The Mums at DD1's school gate are a real mix, but I am definitely the oldest! DD1 is 5, I am 48. I am old enough to be Mum to some of the other Mums, age doesn't make any difference to how good you are as a mother. I know one of the other Mums who became a mum at 19 says she was criticised at the time but now says it was the making of her. Not that it's anyone's business how old you are, but you probably have more energy than the others, you can relax and enjoy your 30s and 40s while your DS becomes independent, I'll be reaching retirement age when that happens!
Rise above, if that's all they have to talk about think how small their lives must be.

Ketsby Fri 04-Nov-16 13:42:13

I have 25 when I had my first (deliberately planned, 6 months of trying, married, house etc.) I didn't think it was remotely remarkable, so the comments and sneers ("Was it a mistake?") were surprising and I was ten years, or more, younger than than the other mums at baby groups and at the nursery gates. They don't talk to me. I talk to them and they give one word answers, go silent and walk off to make friends in their own decade.

Fuck 'em.

MarthasHarbour Fri 04-Nov-16 13:44:06

Being a 43 year old with a 2yo I can confirm I would be insanely jealous of you! envy But in a nice way!! wink

Rise above it, much as i wouldn't change my circumstances for the world, at least you will see your DC's, GC's and possibly Great GC grow to a ripe old age! smile and-at the age of 43 you will have sleepless nights due to partying the night away and not due to midnight toddler tantrums!!

My friend's DD was 17 when she had her DD1, my friend was 40 and despaired as to whether her DD would cope as she had already lost her way a bit. Said DD was utterly amazing, it was the making of her, now at the age of 22 she has 2 DCs and couldn't give a shit what anyone at the school gate says.


Theoretician Fri 04-Nov-16 13:47:49

When DD was 5, on the walk home from school she asked me out of the blue how I could afford to buy our home. (Value heading towards £1 million, and I appear not to work as I pick her up from school while wearing my pajamas tracksuit)

I wondered what conversations she'd overheard.

She also asked if she could have it when I died.

weveallkissedafrogor2 Fri 04-Nov-16 13:49:18

What were you wearing?? It may sound daft but my daughter always says I look like a teenager when I have a hoodie on!!!
I was 20 when I had my eldest and never had a problem with older mums.....not that I knew of anyway...... I was a bloody good mum then and still am now.
Don't feel threatened, use youth as an advantage :-)

Pallisers Fri 04-Nov-16 13:52:13

My 4 year old came our of preschool once and said to me "Mummy I think you are pretty even when other people say you are not".

Dahlietta Fri 04-Nov-16 13:52:51

It's funny, isn't it, how times have changed. My mother had her first child at 35 (they'd been trying for 9 years!) and felt ancient. Almost all of my friends' mums at school were 10 years younger than her. I had my first baby at 30 and I am definitely one of the younger mums for my DS' class. Even so, if I could have had mine younger, I would have done so - you ignore it, OP. I'm jealous, at least wink

SumAndSubstance Fri 04-Nov-16 13:53:54

Pallisers shock

LetitiaCropleysCookbook Fri 04-Nov-16 13:59:14

Oh, Pallisers, that's so touching!

It was probably along the lines of "My Mum's prettier than yours." "No, she's not!" etc. None of them actually knowing who they're talking about!

TheNorthRemembers Fri 04-Nov-16 14:00:49

OP, we are all just jealous. flowers

SovietKitsch Fri 04-Nov-16 14:03:19

I get this too - there's always a pause when I meet someone new related to the kids l, especially DS1, who looks about three years older than he is. They say "hi, are you MiniSoviet's...mum?" Yes, I say, "wow? You don't look old enough!" I am, I reply cheerily - I never follow it up with my age, I love the look in the faces when they're trying to decide whether I was 14 when he was born!

But don't worry about it OP once people get over the idea I'm not the au pair used to it, I actually don't have a problem and have made many mum friends that were 5,10,20 years older than me. My best friend has started secondary school before I was born! When you meet a nice person they tend not to care about your age in the end.

Cuppaand2biscuits Fri 04-Nov-16 14:04:28

I thought that one of the children in my dc class was regularly collected by her teenage big sister. Turned out it was her mum, she's not actually a teenager but really looks much younger.
I did comment to my friend about my misunderstanding but certainly not in a nasty or judgy way.
My sister is 28 and doesn't have children but is often mistaken for being a teenager and she loves it!

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