I know this is a trivial problem but my mum died a few weeks ago and usually I would have phoned her up and have a moan but I have no one now and this stupid thing has really got to me.
Bit of a backstory: ex left 2 weeks before I gave birth for OW. He didn't see Dd until she was about 9 months old (he didn't register her birth with me so isn't on her BC) and then when he started seeing her it was as and when he wanted, usually just 3 or 4 hours a week. I always had to rearrange plans for him and the reason he barely saw her was because getting his life how he wanted and put Dd on the back burner whilst he did this.
Dd is 3 in December so she has only had three Christmases and Birthdays before. The first one she was a newborn and he didn't bother with her. The second one her dad was working both days so he didn't see her. The third one I offered to split the days with him but he was busy and had her Christmas eve and the day after her birthday.
Now he has bought a house with the OW, got settled in his new job and got his life how he wants it he decided to step up and threatened to take me to court for 50/50. He believes I have no rights as courts favour fathers now and that he will be guaranteed at least 50/50 probably more.
I never gave into his demands and slowly but surely we have built up contact to EOW and every Sunday all day. So I barely get any leisure time with Dd and we rarely do fun stuff because I work through the week. I hate it but I want her to have a relationship with her dad and weekends are the only days he is apparently free to have her. Not sure how he thinks 50/50 would work if that's the case. I think this is the best amount of contact for now and am open to it changing as Dd gets older and builds more of a relationship with him.
If he asks for Dd on a day that isn't 'his' I rarely say no to him same with his mum. I let his mum have Dd when she likes.
Last year he had Dd on Halloween and took her trick or treating and last year he had her on Bonfire night and brought her home at 7 as her bedtime is 7:30.
This year she was invited to a party on Halloween which finished at 6:30 so when he asked me the night before if he could take her trick or treating and I said no, his nose was put out of joint and he made a point of asking for a photo of her dressed up seen as though he would be 'missing out as usual'.
Today he messaged me asking if he could have her on Saturday night (Bonfire night). It isn't 'his' Saturday with her and I did make plans for my dad to come over for tea after work and to have some little fireworks in the garden for Dd. I said he can have her until 7 and explained I have plans. He asked to have her until 8 because he wants to take her to a bonfire. I said no because I already have plans and I don't want her going to bed really late because she is grumpy the next day. He royally kicked off and said I was selfish and I always get first dibs of all the special occasions and he is sick of it. He said I can have my dad over anytime and have fireworks.
All of the 'special occasions' I have shared with him or at least offered to and been declined!
He started with the whole 50/50 crap again and said I need to realise he has equal rights to Dd and I am not in charge. He said I am stuck in the 90's if I think he won't be able to get 50/50 as courts now favour dads and I would be laughed out of court for the amount of contact I give him. I said go for it then because I am fed up of him threatening me all the time and would prefer something set in stone. He said the courts care more about what fathers want and I said no they care about the DC's and don't give a damn about the parents feelings or what the parent's think they are entitled to. He told me I was talking out of my arse and so was whichever solicitor told me all this crap.
I stopped rising to him and said you can have her until 7 or not at all, it's up to you but I'm not arguing about it anymore and he put the phone down on me.
Am I such an unreasonable cow for letting him have at such short notice, rearranging my plans and not wanting to mess with her bedtime?
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37 replies
ElectricMelon · 03/11/2016 15:36
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