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Destination Wedding and no plus one- AIBU

(148 Posts)
VIX1307 Thu 03-Nov-16 12:48:14

One of my good friends has invited me to her wedding next July, it is a destination wedding in Italy.
AIBU to be upset that she has not given me a plus one? I can understand more for a wedding based near home going alone, but I just feel a bit put out that I'm willing to spend hundreds of pounds to travel across countries to attend her wedding but she won't allow a plus one. This is likely to be my summer holiday too.
I am the only single person going (everyone else has been given a plus one as they have a SO) and therefore paying for a room on my own, where everyone else can obviously split the cost. I will have to travel alone and stay in a b&b.
I know two other people attending (one who will be on bridesmaid duty all day, plus her other half)
I brought it up with her and mentioned that it would actually be cheaper for me to pay myself for the extra head and then split the cost of a room with a friend or my sister. She said "except we don't want a randomer at our wedding".
What do you think?

Hastalapasta Thu 03-Nov-16 12:49:51

Her wedding so up to her, tbh I would find a SO pronto! grin

baconandeggies Thu 03-Nov-16 12:51:26

YABU - she can invite who she likes. You could also invite someone to travel out there and share a holiday with (if that's what you prefer), but obvs they wouldn't attend the wedding stuff.

GinIsIn Thu 03-Nov-16 12:53:41

A plus one isn't a default - it's for a significant other so unfortunately YABU.

MsVestibule Thu 03-Nov-16 12:53:42

What is the minimum time you can realistically go for?

And as for a 'randomer', that's ridiculous. Is having somebody she doesn't know there really going to spoil her big day? I'd be inclined to not go, but know that might be difficult.

IScreamYouScream Thu 03-Nov-16 12:55:01

I think I would politely decline.

EweAreHere Thu 03-Nov-16 12:55:10


Yes, she can invite who she wants and you don't have a SO to invite anyway. But I can see why this would rather suck for your.

Decline. Use your holiday time and hard earned money to have a holiday with a friend or friends.

deepdarkwood Thu 03-Nov-16 12:55:19

I'd ask someone else to come along if it's going to be your main holiday, but they just have a day on their own whilst you're at the wedding. Assuming that the wedding isn't going to stretch into a pre-wedding meal; pre-pre-wedding breakfast; post wedding lunch; post wedding trip to xx...

Bluntness100 Thu 03-Nov-16 12:55:56

I'm not sure of the issue here. You don't have a partner so natural of her not to invite one. And no you cant bring a random person she doesn't know nor wish to attend to her wedding,

Bring a mate on holiday by all means, just attend the wedding on your own, I'm sure uour friend or sister can occupy themselves for a day.

So yes, you're being unreasonable.

leopardchanges Thu 03-Nov-16 12:56:26

On the "randomer" front, is it a big wedding? Someone they don't know attending a wedding of 20 friends and family is very different than if it's 200 people. But not a nice phrase.

SpotTheDuck Thu 03-Nov-16 12:59:03

Well you could take a friend to enjoy Italy, but obv they can't come to anything wedding related.

I'm afraid I've never heard of somebody single being given a "plus one" to a wedding. The "plus one" is so you can bring your partner (and it's usually only for serious partners who have been around long-term).

Your friend hasn't done anything wrong, or even unusual, here. Up to you whether or not to go of course - if you can't afford it then just politely decline.

VIX1307 Thu 03-Nov-16 13:03:39

Thanks all. I think I just feel slightly pressurized to go whether I can afford it or not! The room is nearly £100 a night so for 5 nights plus flights and extra spending money this is going to end up being close to a grand! Halfing the room costs would have helped! I may just politely decline then...

RandomMess Thu 03-Nov-16 13:06:33

TBH I would decline, it's a huge amount of money and I wouldn't want to go without it being a holiday with a good friend/SO but then you have the complication of that friend having to entertain themselves for the day...

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 03-Nov-16 13:08:55

I'm not sure of the issue here. You don't have a partner so natural of her not to invite one. And no you cant bring a random person she doesn't know nor wish to attend to her wedding

I agree.

OobryJoobry Thu 03-Nov-16 13:12:01

I know the standard response - it's an invitation not a summons etc - but on my wedding day I wanted the people there to enjoy themselves too. We had a small wedding (45 people) and had one friend who didn't know anyone else so she brought her new boyfriend. I'd never met him, but it meant friend was happy and comfortable too. And especially as you've offered to cover extra costs, I think YANBU.

Scribblegirl Thu 03-Nov-16 13:13:44

I'd bring your sister, make a week of it but your sister can find something to do on the day of the wedding. Then it feels like a proper holiday with a wedding thrown in.

I'm sorry but YABU to ask for a plus one.

WhereYouLeftIt Thu 03-Nov-16 13:14:22

"The room is nearly £100 a night so for 5 nights ... "
Is the wedding one day, or are there 'event' spread over that length of time?

Scribblegirl Thu 03-Nov-16 13:14:34

Random, I'd be delighted to have to find myself something to do in Italy for a day (rather than attend the wedding of someone I don't know, anyway!)

Pallisers Thu 03-Nov-16 13:15:37

I can understand why she doesn't want a stranger at her wedding. But surely if you have a destination wedding you expect some people - even people close to you - to refuse the invitation.

I wouldn't use up my summer holiday to go to a wedding on my own. I'd politely refuse.

Scribblegirl Thu 03-Nov-16 13:15:45

Oobry, I'm having to trim people from my wedding list because I don't have room for everyone I love. I'd be a bit put out at having to accommodate someone I didn't love - even if they were being paid for!

Hippee Thu 03-Nov-16 13:17:27

Everyone will say "their wedding, their choice" but I think it's a shame. Two of my friends asked if they could bring a plus one - one because she was single and one because her SO couldn't come. It didn't spoil our wedding at all. And other guests brought their granddaughter (they came from overseas and were making a holiday of the visit). When we went to an Italian wedding, the wedding couple told us that it was traditional for them to pay for guests' accommodation - perhaps you could ask your wedding couple whether they could follow the Italian tradition wink.

5moreminutes Thu 03-Nov-16 13:18:34

Don't go. How rude - "we don't want a randomer at our wedding" shock Maybe you don't want to spend your summer holiday budget and annual leave to be a gooseberry in a sea of couples!

Squiff85 Thu 03-Nov-16 13:21:18

People will say YABU but I agree with you. Unfortunately some people dont have the same morals or principles as others. Good luck!

Flamingflume Thu 03-Nov-16 13:22:38

I think a wedding is about the whole party enjoying themselves not just the bride, surely it makes for a better wedding?
If there were lots of others going alone then that would be different but as it's only you then of course a plus one could have been extended.

Manumission Thu 03-Nov-16 13:24:59

"except we don't want a randomer at our wedding".

She sounds erm.. nice? Classy? hmm

Does she actually speak like that?

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