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How much would you judge this family at the playground?

(445 Posts)
RedStripeLass Thu 03-Nov-16 10:21:36

Sunday afternoon. Family of three, Mum, Dad and daughter aged 3 arrive at a small, quiet playground. Within seconds she drops her banana and starts shouting loudly "fucks sake, fucking hell" etc .

Then she goes to get on the roundabout and a younger child about 1-2 ish tries to get on to. She screams and pushes him off saying "no babies" he starts crying and her mum apologises profusely, very embarrassed and tells her dd to apologise too.

Mum and daughter then go on to play happily in the playground whilst dad hangs back on the grass with a beer and a joint. Mum tries occasionally to get him to join in their games.

I'm ashamed to say this a snapshot of me and my family. After starting a thread elsewhere I've become increasingly worried about our family and am gearing up the courage to talk with our health visitor today but I'm very afraid that she'll escalate it.

Honest opinions please, would you judge us if you were at the playground that day?

ZoeTurtle Thu 03-Nov-16 10:23:16

Judge? Only the "father" - and I put that in quotes because no real father would be smoking drugs in a park around children, especially his own.

I'd be very worried for the children. Please do speak to your health visitor - she's there to help. Well done for plucking up the courage flowers

2014newme Thu 03-Nov-16 10:23:32

The swearing, drinking beer and smoking joints in the playground would make me leave and go somewhere else. Feel sorry for the child involved.

RayofFuckingSunshine Thu 03-Nov-16 10:23:46

Honestly? Yes. I would. More the guy sat on the grass of a children's park with alcohol &a drugs (do what you like on your own time but Lee it away from your kids ffs).

RayofFuckingSunshine Thu 03-Nov-16 10:24:52

Keep, not leave. Baby wants the phone. Apologies!

ChuckGravestones Thu 03-Nov-16 10:24:56

Smoking a joint and drinking beer in a play park? Really?

I'd probably tell you to LTB.

Gardencentregroupie Thu 03-Nov-16 10:25:06

Kid swearing - these things happen, they pick up language like that sometimes. Kids pushing - so long as it was dealt with, again these things do happen. Though the two in combination might have made me a bit hmm wondering if it was a once off or a normal day. Man smoking a joint in a kids playground - my judgy pants would be up my arse so far they'd be in my spine, that's disgraceful.

2014newme Thu 03-Nov-16 10:25:15

If there was any security at the park I would report it as antisocial behaviour.

AvocadoLemon Thu 03-Nov-16 10:25:42

Tbh I'm more likely to be watching my own child than to be watching and judging you - but, yes, others may well do so.

It's a bold and brave step you are taking to make changes and you should be proud for taking this step. Go with it, it may cause some upset along the way but the long term gain will be worth it. Good luck OP. smile

monkeywithacowface Thu 03-Nov-16 10:26:17

I would judge the swearing and be a bit hmm

The pushing isn't ideal but not uncommon behaviour plus you apologised so I wouldn't judge that

Drinking beer and smoking a joint at a park is frankly fucking disgusting behaviour though and I would wonder what the hell goes on behind closed doors based on this snap shot.

You're right to be concerned about your family it's not a good environment for a child to grow up in

welcometowonderland Thu 03-Nov-16 10:26:42

Drugs around the children? Obscene language coming from a 3 year old?
Yes I would judge. Sorry sad

Saucery Thu 03-Nov-16 10:27:29

I would judge anyone smoking weed and drinking near a family playground.
The swearing - well, some kids do <shrug>. Not really my business, my own kids are going to hear it around anyway so it's enough for me to tell them why they should not.

Would it help to see the HV 'escalating' as potentially offering help and support? You don't seem happy about his behaviour and that's an important step to take.

RedStripeLass Thu 03-Nov-16 10:27:30

I forgot to say I did tell her off for swearing and was very embarrassed by it.

IScreamYouScream Thu 03-Nov-16 10:27:40

I would judge the dad harshly, and feel sorry for the mum if she looked like she was doing her best with a difficult situation. I wouldn't judge the young child for her behaviour but would raise an eyebrow if it went unchallenged (which it didn't by the sounds of things).

Do speak to your hv if you feel you are struggling, it shows you have identified a problem and are trying to fix it. I haven't seen your other thread btw. Best of luck flowers

ParadiseCity Thu 03-Nov-16 10:27:41

I was going to say you shouldn't judge, for all you know the child could be a foster child, till I got to the joint and the twist. Getting help is a very good idea. Good luck.

Rumtopf Thu 03-Nov-16 10:27:48

Yes I would.
I'd have spoken to the man and asked him to stop smoking drugs around my child, it's just not acceptable. Don't have a problem with people smoking weed at all, it's their choice, but I'm not having it foisted upon my child.

What kind of behaviour is your child modelling that she is swearing like a trooper at age 3?

Please speak to your HV and get some help and advice. I would be left feeling very sad for the child in that circumstance.

CatThiefKeith Thu 03-Nov-16 10:27:51

I'd have left the playground off there was someone there smoking drugs and drinking beer. Who on earth thinks that's appropriate.

The pushing is normal, the language isn't great but it does happen.

Is this a snapshot though op? Or is this your child's normal?

leopardgecko Thu 03-Nov-16 10:28:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

44PumpLane Thu 03-Nov-16 10:28:26

Honestly (I'm sure this says more about me than you), yes I would judge, but from I'd probably be aiming it at the male.
Drinking and doing drugs in a children's environment is disgusting and I would assume the child's swearing and bullish behaviour stems from him, especially as the mother was embarrassed and apologetic for the child's behaviour.

I think it's excellent you're going to raise your concerns with the HV though- well done you!!!

MissAsippi Thu 03-Nov-16 10:29:50

I would presume that as you're concerned about the swearing she's not getting it from you. The dad sounds horrendous and the pushing and anger issues from your dd may be due to seeing that at home rather than actually being angry. From solely the information given, I would be having strong words with the father and giving an ultimatum about his parenting your daughter

msannabella Thu 03-Nov-16 10:29:52

I don't think I'd judge the kid so much as they pick things up from everywhere and could be a stage but the father would shock me. Drinking and doing drugs at a kids park is terrible behaviour. I don't mind what people do in their own time but keep it away from kids and at least pretend to set a good example!
Well done you for speaking to HV. Hopefully she will be able to give the help you need. smile

user1477282676 Thu 03-Nov-16 10:30:38

I'd judge hard.

Having a child and the irritations they bring is NO excuse for that language over a banana! And the Father should not be smoking drugs and drinking during the daytime.

Can't he wait till' evening to kick back a bit? Has he no self control?

RedStripeLass Thu 03-Nov-16 10:30:52

I can't blame the swearing fully on DH. I'm a closet kitchen swearer. Into the fridge etc. Obviously not as closet as I thought.

Cocochoco Thu 03-Nov-16 10:30:55

I'd feel sorry for you and judge him. And I'd assume - since you told your dd off and apologised to the baby's mum - that your poor dd was reflecting his crappy behaviour at home.

RiverTam Thu 03-Nov-16 10:30:57

I would judge a household that clearly swears like that in front if a small child and I would judge the dad. Great that you're going to get help, best of luck to you.

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