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To expect friend to provide something at party

(42 Posts)
krystellie Wed 02-Nov-16 21:32:39

A friend wants to have a house party for her 40th early next year. She wants to have it about 3-4 hours from where we all live so we need to travel there. She has also asked us to split the accommodation cost.

She is now talking about us all bringing our own food and drink. AIBU to be surprised that she is wanting us to pay for everything? When this is all her idea? She is in a good job so not short of money.

She has her heart set on this venue so we cannot find anywhere closer to home.

Arfarfanarf Wed 02-Nov-16 21:36:23

I thought a house party is a party youhave at your own home. Why would she need to split accomodation costs?
So it's a party at a venue she wants to hire?

You have the oprion of veing honest with her.

This is going to cost more than i can afford.
It's a bit unusual to ask all this. If you're strapped for cash maybe we can do something cheaper.

Or say ok but that's quite expensive so that will be my birthday gift to you.

MrsNuckyThompson Wed 02-Nov-16 21:41:20

A few years ago one of my close friends decided she wanted to go to NYC for 5 days for her 40th. I just felt it was ridiculous. About a grand each for everyone to go, tons of annual leave etc. In the end enough people politely declined that I think she realised she was being unreasonable and changed it!!

I have no advice really. It's very awkward and I sympathise!

TupsNSups Wed 02-Nov-16 21:42:42

Has this not already been done today?

krystellie Wed 02-Nov-16 21:43:38

Glad it's not just me!

I always thought the host should at least provide a buffet and some drinks, especially if the accommodation cost is being shared.

I'm ok for money but paying around £150 for travel & accommodation and then money for food and drink doesn't leave much in my budget for a present.

tofutti Wed 02-Nov-16 21:44:50

She sounds very tight. Will she she be expecting presents as well? Do you actually want to go OP?

I really would decline this, even from a close friend.

SheldonCRules Wed 02-Nov-16 21:45:34

Host pays, guests bring a birthday gift and maybe a bottle of wine if a home venue.

Hosting or inviting then getting others to pay is wrong.

krystellie Wed 02-Nov-16 21:47:07

I like her but I am surprised that she seems to expect us to pay for everything.

Initially I even thought she would pay for the house but now she is talking about splitting it?

blueturtle6 Wed 02-Nov-16 21:48:11

Who os sharing accommodation costs? I'd say you pay for your own accommodation if staying over night in hotel. But shouldn't take and food or drink, maybe a bottle of wine for host but not expect esp if sending a gift

BigPointyStick Wed 02-Nov-16 21:48:17

I think people who request this sort of thing must be terribly up themselves, I just don't understand it. Hen nights away, birthdays causing great expense. Just dreadfully selfish.

blueturtle6 Wed 02-Nov-16 21:50:07

Oh so not at her house, you are renting a place.
If you we're all going away together on a holiday that'd be fine.
But in this situation I can see both sides.

Arfarfanarf Wed 02-Nov-16 21:53:42

If she's your friend - be honest with her. Tell her that her requests are unreasonable.

krystellie Wed 02-Nov-16 21:55:55

I thought that if we are splitting the cost of the house (that she wants us to stay in), she would offer to put on a buffet - even if simple stuff - and perhaps some wine. Problem is I don't want to fall out with her about it!

RandomMess Wed 02-Nov-16 21:58:10

Surely the trip away is her gift????

I think perhaps the way forward is for you stay you can't afford more than £x for the whole thing - travel, accommodation, food, drink...

cheminotte Wed 02-Nov-16 21:58:40

So is it just a weekend / long weekend in a holiday house?

Arfarfanarf Wed 02-Nov-16 21:59:52

Then pay it.

You have to choose.

Be honest and deal with the fact she might not be happy. Or avoid conflict and pay however many hundreds it's going to cost.

Is she really that awful a person that you cant have a tactful but honest conversation with her?

FluffyPineapple Wed 02-Nov-16 21:59:54

At least your friend has laid out her plans for the evening. You can either decide to go with the flow or decline the invitation. The choice is yours really

tofutti Wed 02-Nov-16 22:00:29

I'm sure MNers can help you come up with an excuse, kids, jobs, money related etc

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Wed 02-Nov-16 22:01:32

Personally, if I was organising my own birthday party, I would be doing so at my own expense. If I couldn't afford the venue I wanted, I either wouldn't have a party or I'd have it at home.

It's different if friends are organising the celebration but, to me at least, it's incredibly self absorbed to ask people to travel so far & then pay several hundreds of £s just to celebrate my birthday!

ImperialBlether Wed 02-Nov-16 22:05:10

You don't have to fall out about it, just say, "Hey are we paying for the accommodation and the party, then?"

What can she say to that?

Crunchymum Wed 02-Nov-16 22:08:03

Sounds to me like she is organising a trip (ie you are all staying away from your respective homes) in which case splitting the accommodation cost is fine.
In the same vein splitting the cost of the party is OK too (similar to splitting food costs if you were all on holiday together?)

If she was inviting you to a house party at her house but then expecting all her guests to stay elsewhere and split the costs I'd think it was rude.

Spam88 Wed 02-Nov-16 22:09:19

Ok initially I was totally with you, but it sounds like you're all renting a house somewhere for a weekend? In which case I don't think it's unreasonable for you all to pay your own way.

Iflyaway Wed 02-Nov-16 22:10:52

Fuck that, what's wrong with the local. ?

krystellie Wed 02-Nov-16 22:11:50

I'd be very happy with the local! :-)

Bogeyface Wed 02-Nov-16 22:12:12

I think it isnt on.

She wants to hire a house and throw a party then she covers the cost. If she cant afford that then tough!

Saying "I am hiring this house, would you mind bringing a dish towards the buffet and a bottle?" then that would be different, but it sounds to me like she wants to have a swanky party paid for by everyone else.

Politely decline. You dont have to give a reason.

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