Tell me iabu(2 Posts)
Bit of background first, its a bit long so Ill probably end up leaving relevent information out but ill try not to drip feed. My df died around 6 years ago, I was a teenager at the time. I didnt realise it at the time but he was actually the glue that held my siblings and myself to the rest of his family. Since his passing his family (mum, brothers and sisters and some cousins) have made next to no attempt to maintain a relationship with me or my brothers and sisters, we live around 250 miles apart and we have visited them about 3 times, (my siblings more) they have never come to visit us, even though we dont drive and they all do. Have each other on facebook and talk occasionally on the phone.
Anyway, I had my first child 10 weeks ago, my df first grandchild, my grandparents and aunt have only just arranged this weekend to come to see new baby, except now they arent coming because aunt has a cold. Im upset, because I know my df would be heartbroken that non of his family have bothered to see him before now, I dont want ds to catch a cold unnecessarily but they have had 10 weeks to come and now im not even sure when they will meet baby. My df would have played a massive part in my sons life and im sure would have given him a reason to live (he commited suicide). Having my baby has only made me realise more that if anything was ever to happen to him I would want whatever he had left to be close to me ie if he had children. My mum (dm and dp were divorced and she was nc with his family for around 10 years before he died) is angry, on my behalf and thinks I should say something, she also thinks that they as the 'proper adults'
not us pretending to be adults should be the ones keeping our relationship going by visiting or contributing to costs that it would cost to get there (youngest sister is 17 and a student not working so really hasnt got any income but still manages to visit them without them offering somethijng towards trainfare) I could probably go to visit them but it wil cost us a lot in petrol which we cant really afford, plus im reluctant to take ds on such a long journey especially on the motorway (im a nervous passenger anyway).
Aibu to expect them to come and visit and to expect it to have been sooner than now or later?
I want to be unreasonable if im honest, then I wouldnt be so upset about it.
Then in that case OP YABU!
To be honest, I don't think YABU to want the family to be more involved. However it doesn't always work like that and for many reasons some families just don't make the effort. We see OH's sister when it suits her (about 6 times since the birth of my 14 month old DD), and DD just met my MIL and her husband about a week and a half ago. It makes me angry but it's them that are losing out and DD has more than enough love from us and my FIL and his wife.
Sod them and be happy your DM is so involved IYSWIM.
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