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AIBU to be offended that my MIL doesn't see me as her DIL?

(19 Posts)
Madz1982 Wed 02-Nov-16 15:14:02

I was phoning up to book me and my MIL in for Something earlier. I mentioned I'd like to book my mother in law in too. When I got off the phone she said ''I've never thought of myself as that how funny" AIBU to feel slightly offended as I've been married to her son for 7 years now! :-s

ShowMeTheElf Wed 02-Nov-16 15:16:21

YABU. She thinks of you as a daughter, not a DIL. It's a good thing.

TaterTots Wed 02-Nov-16 15:16:28

Perhaps the term just makes her feel old - especially if her own mother-in-law was a 'hair in rollers, rolling pin in hand' dragon.

AyeAmarok Wed 02-Nov-16 15:17:40

Are you married?

Katy07 Wed 02-Nov-16 15:18:47

I agree that it's a good thing. MILs are often seen as the devil in disguise and she obviously thinks of her relationship with you as miles better.

thatsforsure Wed 02-Nov-16 15:20:21

she probably means that she doesn't see herself as a mother in law in the Les Dawson mother in law jokes mould!

badtime Wed 02-Nov-16 15:23:30

Not seeing herself as a mother-in-law is not the same as not seeing you as a daughter-in-law. There is a stigma attached to mothers-in-law that might mean she doesn't identify with that role. There is no such stigma to having a daughter-in-law.

HazelBite Wed 02-Nov-16 15:23:39

My son's girlfriend regularly refers to me as "My MIL" it sounds very strange to me as although they live together they are not married.
My only married son's wife never refers to me as "MIL" but always as "H's Mum"!
I would take it as a compliment she sees your relationship as much closer than "in-laws"

CHJR Wed 02-Nov-16 15:25:00

Took me at least 5 years of marriage to be able to call DH my "husband." We don't see ourselves as cliches but as people, that's all. Wait till we all become (SHOCK) grannies.

kaitlinktm Wed 02-Nov-16 15:27:06

When I divorced my MIL became my Mother-out-law!

BakeOffBiscuits Wed 02-Nov-16 15:45:50

shock My dd is getting married next year. This thread has made me realise I'm going to be a MIL! Thank you OP. I think

NavyandWhite Wed 02-Nov-16 15:52:25

Offended? Really OP?

Tuktuktaker Wed 02-Nov-16 15:53:34

I think it's nice and she thinks of you as a daughter, not an in or out law. Sounds as if you have a good relationship with her?

SpunkyMummy Wed 02-Nov-16 15:55:43

Well, you hopefully didn't offend her...


VeryBitchyRestingFace Wed 02-Nov-16 15:59:36

I think this is similar to someone hearing themselves described as a "grandma" and having that blank moment where they think, "feck! AM I a grandma?? Am I old enough? How did THAT happen??"

I think you'd need to work hard to be offended by that. confused

Dontpanicpyke Wed 02-Nov-16 16:01:09

I don't mind being a mil as love my dils but being referred to as granny is still a shock. grin

Mils do have a bad reputations especially on Mumsnet.

Don't stress op.

Madz1982 Wed 02-Nov-16 16:03:36

Thanks everyone! I didn't say anything to her and yes we do have a good relationship! I see her as my mother (in law)- hopefully she sees me as a daughter and nanny to my child! ;-)

LifeIsGhoulish Wed 02-Nov-16 16:10:03

I've started referring to my brother's partner as my SIL since she said to me "it doesn't matter that we're not married, I think of you as part of my extended family". She's right - the relationship matters more than the label.

GiraffesAndButterflies Wed 02-Nov-16 16:57:00

I don't think of myself as a daughter-in-law. I don't really have occasion to describe myself to someone. It's like not needing to dial your own mobile number.

My MIL, however, probably does refer to me as her DIL!

So yes I think YABU smile

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