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AIBU to be angry/ disappointed about this? Hen party related

(82 Posts)
MoveItMoveItMoveIt Wed 02-Nov-16 10:47:23

I am getting married in March next year and a relatively close friend is getting married soon before.

We met through work about three years ago and speak very regularly. I am already going to her hen and have paid an extortionate amount of money (£450) for one night in the UK. We have another mutual friend who couldn't go to this girl's hen and she moaned and moaned and bitched about that girl not going and still does saying she won't make the effort etc.

A bit of background on the friendship- this girl has been almost insistent we become very close saying she thinks of me as her best friend etc. I thought it was sweet and I do really like her but it was slightly OTT. Anyway...

I am getting my hen sorted for Jan. It's two nights in the UK but people can go for one night if they want to. My bridesmaids sent an email with details last night and this girl has sent me a message saying she doesn't know if she can make it because she may be on a spa weekend with her sister. It's not booked.

My hen is cheaper than hers, and considering she bitched about our other mutual friend for weeks for not going to her hen AIBU to be angry about this and consider re thinking the whole friendship?

MadHattersWineParty Wed 02-Nov-16 10:53:05

Lord. This is why I'm not doing a proper hen and just a night in the local pub. The stress of it, the dramas... just no.

I wouldn't reconsider a whole friendship over it, no.

Lumpylumperson Wed 02-Nov-16 10:53:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadHattersWineParty Wed 02-Nov-16 10:53:40

Actually maybe I would as it doesn't sound like you like her much anyway.

WussyWat Wed 02-Nov-16 10:55:29

Who the fuck pays £450 to go on a one night Hen do shock the whole tradition has just become ridiculous. Just because you were daft enough to spend that amount in hers, doesn't mean she has to go to yours.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Wed 02-Nov-16 10:55:31

Sorry but you are way over reacting.

The competitiveness over hen parties is ridiculous. Does it really matter 'whose cost more'?

You don't sound as if you like her much.

GrumpyInsomniac Wed 02-Nov-16 10:56:35

Yep, YABU. She may not be very self-aware in turning you down after her own reaction to someone missing her hen do, but it's an invitation, not a summons, as people often say on here.

You're both getting married, you both have significant financial outlay happening at around the same time, and her finances may be tight as a result. So is it possible the issue may have nothing to do with a spa day and everything to do with money, but she may not be comfortable admitting it?

TBH, she doesn't sound that nice, pretty self-absorbed, imo, so by all means think about your friendship and whether it works for you. But for your own sanity, shrug off her absence if she doesn't come, and just enjoy the time you have with the friends who do join you for your hen do. Her loss.

ElspethFlashman Wed 02-Nov-16 10:56:42

450 is madness. I hope it's a whole weekend with lots of activities for that price.

alltouchedout Wed 02-Nov-16 10:59:57

Hen nights were so much better when it was just that, one night, in a place most people could get to and not costing the earth.
I do think she sounds like a self absorbed tool though.

TiredAndDeadly Wed 02-Nov-16 11:00:29

<waves at the bridezilla>


She might be spending time with her sister.

More fool you paying £450 on a hen do

MadHattersWineParty Wed 02-Nov-16 11:01:27

That's a point, what the feck are you all doing for one night in the UK that costs £450?!

I would have a bloody good laugh if one if my mates suggested I pay that sort of money before the actual bloody wedding, since presumably I'll be spending more attending that!

Nurszilla Wed 02-Nov-16 11:04:37

Do you want to be her friend or not? It doesn't sound like you like her that much.

Could it be that with the expense of her own wedding, she maybe can't afford to attend your hen do? I think this new tradition of spending almost a months rent on attending a party is utterly ridiculous, and the politics surrounding it sound bizarre and mean-spirited. If you are honestly reconsidering your entire friendship because of one party then it doesn't sound like you value her much to begin with.

Prawnofthepatriarchy Wed 02-Nov-16 11:09:44

I'm only posting because I want to know what the fuck you're doing that's costing £450 for one night? Shagging boy band members? grin

Redpony1 Wed 02-Nov-16 11:10:51

I'm just hung up on anyone paying £450 for a hen do!!!

I moan massively at £100.

MoveItMoveItMoveIt Wed 02-Nov-16 11:14:39

I honestly felt so under pressure by her to attend hers as she bitched and moaned about our mutual friend for not going and not making the effort. Put it this way if I hadn't have gone to hers she would have been fuming and she made that clear.

I'm appalled by the cost of hers but felt under pressure and the cost of hers includes a private chef and cocktails but some of the other girls have already flagged that the food he is making sounds cheap and he is ripping us off.

My AIBU relates to how she had been so vocal about people "making the effort" for hers and then not doing the same for mine. I'm not a bridezilla. I have other very close friends who can't go for whatever reason and I haven't batted an eyelid it's just the double standards of this particular friend.

furryminkymoo Wed 02-Nov-16 11:15:01

I don't see my sister and if I had offered a specific weekend to get together then I wouldn't commit to a Hen that same weekend. YABU.

Stopyourhavering Wed 02-Nov-16 11:16:25

I got married 30 yrs ago.....didn't need or want a hen do, they're unnecessary imo!.... and as for £450 for 1 night!!Rather spend my money on something else but each to their own shock

Oogle Wed 02-Nov-16 11:17:00

YABU - did you consult her on the date beforehand?

furryminkymoo Wed 02-Nov-16 11:18:05

Meant I don't see my sister "often"

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Wed 02-Nov-16 11:18:45

£450 for a night out?

You all sound insane. Seriously.

MoveItMoveItMoveIt Wed 02-Nov-16 11:18:50

She lives with her sister if that gives any context.

TiredAndDeadly Wed 02-Nov-16 11:18:56

Maybe in hindsight she can see she was bu too?

ElspethFlashman Wed 02-Nov-16 11:20:03

I think if you can get a refund you should be thinking about it. I'm sure you can make up some sudden household emergency expense that means you have to regrettably back out. Something with the boiler is always good.

I mean....450 multiplied by how many girls? It must be thousands. For a meal???!

The girl who didn't go may be the one who ends up laughing, even if she's in the bad books.

MoveItMoveItMoveIt Wed 02-Nov-16 11:20:46


It's a night in which is even more shock and yes I agree about the price! As I have said I have been shockshockshock about the cost of her hen as have others! It happened because her bridesmaid initially asked for £170 then every few weeks kept asking for more money saying the costs had gone up and by that point I felt committed and didn't want to say anything and cause a ruck but I was annoyed about it.

My hen is not anything like that cost.

PrivatePike Wed 02-Nov-16 11:21:05

She lives with her sister if that gives any context. lol

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