photos of kids online

(17 Posts)
TwatbadgingCuntfuckery Wed 02-Nov-16 10:04:13

I have my reasons for not sharing pictures of my DC online. One huge one is I have a unique, tape it into google you get me name. My twitter, my website, my work the lot. The other is DCs dad is not around and I don't trust him for many reasons I wont go into here inc a DV incident.

I explicitly said to everyone at a recent party no pictures of DC to be put online. I am happy for DC to be cut out or blurred out of pictures but no full photos that are recognisable. Everyone but my sister followed my rule. Other siblings put emoji faces over DCs face and hair before uploading them. I'm fine with that. most of them avoided DC in the pics to begin with.

She posted publicly 15 images of my DC that were easily recognisable. not edited or blurred out.

I requested that she take them off. She refused.

Of course I was angry and was rude about her complete disregard for my one and only rule about DC and told her she was being an idiot for putting DCs safety at risk.

She's made this all about her and how I'm spoiling her life and that I clearly don't want to be part of her family.

In my anger I said yes, you're right I don't want to be if you cannot respect my desire to keep my DC safe.

As you can imagine there is now a massive fallout and I'm getting the brunt of the abuse because 'its only a few pictures' - shared amongst her 400 friends some of whom are friends with DCs dad. my gran has weighed in and told me not to be so dramatic. hmm

She has also in the past used images of my DC to help promote her business. On that occasion I was polite and demanded she remove those images. Again she refused. I actually had to go via FB to get them to delete the photos and it took forever. I warned her that if she continued to use pictures of DC to promote her business without permission I would go the legal route.

Is there anything else I can do to stop this?

every flippin family event she is there taking photos and its getting to the point where Im not going to them because she wont respect my rules.

She tried to say it was no different to me bringing sweets to a halloween party last week because I bought sweets her kids are banned from eating and I didn't respect her rules hmm I didn't give them to her kids but brought them along as an addition to the party food and I didn't know her they are banned (she's gone veggie and her kids aren't allowed gelatin) The food wasn't all veggie btw.

Even I don't post pictures of my own DC online because of the reasons above. My online life it looks like I am childless and that's how I prefer it to be for DCs benefit not mine. I don't even post my siblings kids online. I send them to them via private message or text and have a few I've printed to go in albums but that's it.

OlennasWimple Wed 02-Nov-16 10:09:35

Your sister is being a twunt

Your gran probably doesn't understand fully why you are concerned

The only way I can see to avoid the situation arising to avoid seeing her, sorry

SarahOoo Wed 02-Nov-16 10:13:28

Your sister is being selfish here, however her mentality is probably 'it's just a picture what harm can it do?' and nothing you can do will change her mind on it. I'd avoid the legal route for the moment as you could damage your relationship with her. However putting it into words (letter/email) politely and with the reasons why is the only thing you can do prior to further action.

Nanny0gg Wed 02-Nov-16 10:18:04

Get FB involved again.
Explain in words of one syllable to your Gran why it's a problem.

Have nothing to do with your sister.

GladAllOver Wed 02-Nov-16 10:23:02

Your sister is being foolish and selfish. She must know why you are concerned about this.
The pictures were taken at a private party, not in a public place.
Report this to FB and ask them to take down the pictures.

This is why FB can be so dangerous.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery Wed 02-Nov-16 10:26:04

I did the polite in writing thing already RE legal route. This was over a year ago where images of DC were not online on an open FB business page but also put in a slideshow on youtube and then shared on both instagram and twitter.

I was absolutely furious and wrote the letter stating she didn't get permission of any kind to use the images for commercial purposes and if she didn't remove them all and if she did do it again I would take the legal route.

The letter was to cover me to should I have to go that route.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery Wed 02-Nov-16 10:32:57

I've had to set up new accounts because she keeps blocking me.

Aibohphobia Wed 02-Nov-16 10:45:41

oooh, you're right

I do think you're being a little dramatic. If you're actually hiding in fear of your ex then finding you is much easier than waiting for Facebook photos. Waiting at your sister's house on special occasions would be easier, or your mother's or many other ways.

I'd also not really believe that anyone who's web presence is on FB is really promoting a business of any substance.

crispandcheesesanwichplease Wed 02-Nov-16 10:46:42

Wow OP, what a stupid selfish person your sis is!

I have no words of advice but am with you all the way on this. And it really doesn't matter what your reasons are, it's your decision not to have your kids pics online, just like any other rules a parent may make, and she ought to respect it regardless of her personal views.

She is being hugely disrespectful. You are RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT and don't waiver in this. Good luck.

IHeartHoumous Wed 02-Nov-16 11:01:56

You definitely have my sympathy – really frustrating we live in a world where pictures you haven’t permitted are shared for all to see and (most of the time) nobody bats an eyelid. It’s an impossible situation as at the majority of events someone’s got their smartphone out ready to take and upload pictures in a nanosecond; and as soon as they’re on social media they become the property of that specific network – I know this is the case with Facebook. Without saying “If you take pictures of me/my DC or with us in them can you not upload them to (insert social media) please?” at the time it’s pretty much out of your hands, bar contacting of the site after photos are up which, as you know, takes forever.

My parents don’t use social media and, as much as they like being in group photos, don’t understand why they have to be on someone’s Facebook/Instagram account for people they’ve never met before to know exactly where they are and what they’re doing on Saturday night. I totally get where they’re coming from, alas documenting of our lives through photos/status updates online has become such a custom people like your sister fail to see not everyone’s totally comfortable with it.

Can you email/text your sister to say it’s really hard for you that she doesn’t see the stress it causes you when these pictures are online. It may seem trivial to her but it’s not to you and it’s not hard to respect someone’s wishes when they’re as simple as not taking and uploading pictures of their children?

We wouldn’t hand a huge selection of photographs out to strangers on the street of children to look at, winds me up when you see people with 500+ Facebook friends who post countless pictures a day of their kids. Each to their own though I suppose.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery Wed 02-Nov-16 11:04:36

really Aibohphobia ? I pointed out there are many reasons to protect DCs image not just my EX. I don't fear my ex. Would you be happy if someone with 400 friends posted a pic of your DC in their school uniform thats identifying on their PUBLIC page, no privacy settings, for anyone in the world to see along with your DCs name? when you are OK with that I'll happily discuss safeguarding of vulnerable children with you.

As for my username here? I change it often and flip between several as many people do. I keeps a fair number of details obscure or change minor details.

If you think I only post under this username or use this name on other sites you are mistaken.

WorraLiberty Wed 02-Nov-16 11:13:33

I don't agree with people posting pics of their own kids on social media, let alone other people's.

But having said that, I agree 100% with Aibohphobia

I do think you're being a little dramatic. If you're actually hiding in fear of your ex then finding you is much easier than waiting for Facebook photos. Waiting at your sister's house on special occasions would be easier, or your mother's or many other ways.

It doesn't make sense really that you'd keep such a high profile on the internet if you are hiding in fear.

Aibohphobia Wed 02-Nov-16 11:21:44

I pointed out there are many reasons to protect DCs image not just my EX.

No you didn't. You said you have an identifiable name.

I don't fear my ex. Would you be happy if someone with 400 friends posted a pic of your DC in their school uniform thats identifying on their PUBLIC page, no privacy settings, for anyone in the world to see along with your DCs name? when you are OK with that I'll happily discuss safeguarding of vulnerable children with you.

I wouldn't have a issue with it and signed a waver stating so at the school they attend.

I'm not looking to rile you but do think the dangers of photos of children on social media is enourmously exaggerated. Someone wishing harm on your family needn't use Facebook. The age of anonymity is long gone.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery Wed 02-Nov-16 12:06:57

seriously the images are not the only issue its the exif data and the geotagging/GPS info hidden within an image.

some websites strip it. Some do not.

I shouldn't have to explain this when my reasons are clear. I won't list the other reasons for making this choice to keep DC private and hide them from my online life because they will be identifying.

GladAllOver Wed 02-Nov-16 17:13:21

The OP doesn't need to give reasons for privacy or try to persuade anyone that it is reasonable.
Her wish not to have her children's pictures posted online is quite sufficient in itself.

Thisjustinno Wed 02-Nov-16 17:18:39

This is your decision and she should completely respect that so she is wrong.

But I agree that your ex knows your name and you have a high Internet profile which would be a much easier way to find you then seeing pics of your DC.

Blueskyrain Wed 02-Nov-16 17:44:39

I think its going to be a losing battle with photos on social media in general.

Most people don't ask permission before putting pictures up, and as your children get older, you aren't even going to know who had taken pictures on them - friends parties, friends, all sorts.

I think your sister was being insensitive, but I think you are massively overplaying the risk.

I mean, your child goes to a party and one of the parents snaps away - they may well contain pictures of your children which then end up on facebook. Close friends may remember your rule, but not friends of friends, that you may not even have spoken to.

There's almost certainly many photos of me floating round facebook.somewhere that I've never seen, because I've never been tagged, or didn't know the person well enough, and I've got many photos of people that I'm either not 'friends' with, or aren't on facebook.

It's a torrent that we are powerless to stop.

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