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Washing up!!! You decide!!

(24 Posts)
Tryingtostayyoung Tue 01-Nov-16 22:53:30

Right so DH and I have decided that we are putting this to mumsnet and I will be showing him the results.

I go out with my friends probably 2 times a month in an evening on a weekday literally maybe for 3hours maximum. Before DH gets home I have already bathed DD and put her in pyjamas, given her dinner and put DH dinner on (he doesn't get in till around 7). He obviously puts DD to bed and the only other thing I ask is that he washes up from their dinner and cleans the kitchen up. I would say that probably 2/3 times i come home and this isn't done like this evening. It really bugs me. I've come home to the washing up (although he did clean the kitchen up), it did only take me 5mins but I find it so rude!!!! He says that having got home late from work after being out all day (I'm a SAHM) is it really a big deal that I come home to the washing up. AIBU?!

leanback Tue 01-Nov-16 23:00:27

If hes he only one who has eaten he does the washing up. Especially if you cooked it.

Mitfordhons Tue 01-Nov-16 23:03:03

Yanbu he should wash up, no shadow of a doubt. My Dh wouldn't expect me to get his dinner ready either and home by 7pm isn't a long day.

user1477282676 Tue 01-Nov-16 23:03:41

Of course he should do the washing up! He's not a baby. He can wash his own dishes! I'm a SAHM and my DH washes up nightly after dinner because I've cooked!

I bath the DC and get them ready for bed while he does's faster that way and by the time the DC are in bed, we can both sit down together. Otherwise I'd be trapped in the bloody kitchen all night!

Tryingtostayyoung Tue 01-Nov-16 23:04:52

I don't mind putting his dinner on, he would do the same for me, he's out he door for 12hours a day. I do think he should be washing up though, i find it infuriating.

IMissGrannyW Tue 01-Nov-16 23:06:41

Get a dishwasher? Changed our lives!!!!!

I ACTUALLY slightly think that if he's working and your not, it's not totally U of him, but it totally is because it upsets you, and this is reason enough for him to do it, and it's not like you often ask.

Does he do anything else around the house? Or is EVERYTHING on you?

btw, I would think it would be nice for him to spend some time with his DCs! And if, as you say, it only took 5 mins, then it wouldn't take too much out of his R+R time. (I think I'm coming round to disagreeing with myself!)

clumsyduck Tue 01-Nov-16 23:08:17

Yes he should be washing up and also making his own bloody dinner those nights to ! Yes he's been out of the house 12 hours but presumably as a sahm you've been busy too for those 12 hours

WatchingFromTheWings Tue 01-Nov-16 23:08:30

He should wash the dishes. Otherwise I'd be letting him do his own dinner!

Haggisfish Tue 01-Nov-16 23:08:37

Get a dishwasher.

Disappointednomore Tue 01-Nov-16 23:09:22

This always happened to me. He came home to a clean kitchen I came home to a sink full of dirty dishes. We were both working full time. This kind of thread is very helpful to remind me why our divorce is no bad thing. Show your DH this.

Squirrelsmum Tue 01-Nov-16 23:09:41

Blanket rule here is if I cook DH cleans up the kitchen including washing up. YANBU

PinkSwimGoggles Tue 01-Nov-16 23:09:55

whoever doesn't cook clears the kitchen in our house. it's only fair.

user1477282676 Tue 01-Nov-16 23:10:03

Getting a dishwasher won't stop him from being a lazy bastard though. He won't stack it in all likelihood!

bookbook Tue 01-Nov-16 23:12:44

Hmm - we have a dishwasher.
But before we had one , for many, many years ( been married for 40 years now) rule was that whoever cooked the meal didn't do the washing up
And that included us both working FT, PT and ( me ) SAHM

goddessofsmallthings Tue 01-Nov-16 23:14:27

It can't be said that he cleaned up the kitchen if the washing up was left undone.

Does he have an aversion to getting his hands wet? If so, buy him some Marigolds. Better still, buy yourselves the joint present of a dishwasher and you'll save time as well as energy, albeit that it may not stop you arguing about who should load/unload it.

GiddyOnZackHunt Tue 01-Nov-16 23:16:11

Our rule was person who didn't cook cleans up. Now we have a dishwasher the non cooker loads the dishwasher.

Tryingtostayyoung Tue 01-Nov-16 23:16:28

Hmmm see he does loads around the house I wouldn't say that everything falls on me. When he's here he's always more than happy to do cooking, ironing etc. I do a lot more but then I'm a sham so that's the way it balances and I'm happy with that. This is one of the only things that really irritates me, I find it rude. Btw he does say that he's happy to make his own dinner but I don't mind putting it on, I just do something easy and that way he can just have time with DD instead of cooking which is how I would prefer them to spend the evening together.

Tryingtostayyoung Tue 01-Nov-16 23:17:59

Having just shown this thread to DH he has said I misunderstood him, if I hadn't come in and washed it up he would have before he went to bed hmm

gleam Tue 01-Nov-16 23:18:56

YANBU. Dh should wash up. It's rude and lazy not to, imo.

Discobabe Tue 01-Nov-16 23:19:38

Don't cook for him = no washing up. win win?

gleam Tue 01-Nov-16 23:19:49

Chinny reckon!

Itsallgoodimtold Tue 01-Nov-16 23:19:57

He hasn't cleaned the kitchen if he hasn't washed up! Please tell me he doesn't stack everything in the sink, that's worse than leaving on the side IMO. I hate it when things are left to 'soak', it means someone CBA going to the effort of cleaning and the next person who quickly needs to use the sink gets landed with the job.

clumsyduck Tue 01-Nov-16 23:20:28

gleam grin

e1y1 Tue 01-Nov-16 23:25:06

I would say get a Dishwasher - I have never not had one (except for 3 months when moved house and it was horrendous).

But, your DH is BU, if you are good enough to make dinner for him, he should have the courtesy to wash up.

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