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AIBU: 'Bring your own' party

(116 Posts)
user1473598635 Tue 01-Nov-16 22:51:46

Am I being unreasonable? Just been invited to a party at a friend's house but told what to bring for food to feed the guests and to bring beer....... would have taken booze along anyway and a gift.

JasperDamerel Tue 01-Nov-16 22:58:29

I've been to parties like that. It means that there is good food and drink at minimal expense. They were more common when my friends were all young and broke, but some of us are still broke and others enjoy the sense of community it brings, so there are still a few each year.

Andylion Tue 01-Nov-16 23:36:42

Is everyone going to bring something? Is the host providing anything?

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Tue 01-Nov-16 23:39:17

It's fine.

I think it's casual and makes the party a group effort.

upthewolves Tue 01-Nov-16 23:40:53

Completely the norm where I live (Australia)

Biffsboys Tue 01-Nov-16 23:43:32

Oh no not where I live - if your having a party - at very least supply food ? I would always take my own drink anyway .

Loaferloveforyou Tue 01-Nov-16 23:49:40

I went to a surprise 'bring your own take away' party. Ended up eating off a sideboard.


user1477282676 Tue 01-Nov-16 23:51:06

My friends and I often do this. If one of us is having a party, the others ask...shall I bring something?

If we're flush we say do they...if we're not we say yes...bring a dish and a bottle.

It's fine!

user1477282676 Tue 01-Nov-16 23:51:57

Wolves that's where I live's better as you get a nice mix of food too.

One person brings curry, another makes cakes...someone else brings a load of salads....fab!

MommaGee Tue 01-Nov-16 23:56:09

It's nice. My son had his christening as day release from hospital so we couldn't cater and got everyone to bring a plate, although we didn't tell people what so they could do something that for their taste, time and budget.

ComtesseDeSpair Wed 02-Nov-16 00:01:00

I don't have a problem with this at all. You were told up front and presumably with enough notice to get something sorted rather than the day before? Hosting is expensive and if for some of my friends it's a choice between having a bring-a-dish party or not having a party at all, I'd much rather the former. Plus it means a good range of different food and usually at least one good laugh over somebody's dish which has gone totally wrong smile

I cooked dinner for 5 friends recently and the ingredients for three courses plus wine came to almost £100. I know several people who simply couldn't find that sort of money in their budget or doing so would mean cutting down on the family's food shopping that month.

Yuckky Wed 02-Nov-16 00:04:58

I don't mind it at all and I think it's quite acceptable and normal.

If you don't want to take anything then you don't have to go.

Cricrichan Wed 02-Nov-16 00:07:18

We do that all the time when it's more than a few people. It's cheap and easy on everyone.

Sprink Wed 02-Nov-16 00:07:46

We have about six parties a year for various occasions (Oscars, Eurovision, Halloween, etc). We do the whole works and sometimes even hire catered/servers.

But for NYE, we do the pot luck/bring a plate thing. It's always a huge hit with guests. Not everyone cooks, some just bring crisps or purchase cupcakes, whatever. Very casual, very communal, great fun.

Parties come in many forms.

Pluto30 Wed 02-Nov-16 00:21:30

The norm where I'm from (also Australia). Everyone brings something, and that way the host is not bearing the burden of the whole food/drinks thing. Also, you're guaranteed to like at least one thing.

If you don't like it, don't go. Simple.

KoalaDownUnder Wed 02-Nov-16 00:24:55


I'm in Australia, and it's not the norm in my experience. confused

If you want to do a bring-and-share thing, you bill it as such when you give the invitation. You don't wait for people to accept and then ask them to bring the food

Pluto30 Wed 02-Nov-16 00:26:41

Koala Might be a regional thing then. It's certainly the norm for a casual get together where I am.

And, it was included in the invitation, according to the OP.

RumAppleGinger Wed 02-Nov-16 00:28:52

I love a bring your own style party. It guarantees there will be loads of food and often something you have never thought of. Hosting is expensive and there is usually a shit tonne of prep and clean up even without food/booze.

Benedikte2 Wed 02-Nov-16 00:28:57

Very common in NZ too. Great way to ensure a variety of food without too much trouble or expense for anyone.

user1477282676 Wed 02-Nov-16 00:34:18

Koala I wouldn't ask people I didn't know very well to bring food. But in our friendship group it's accepted that this often happens unless one of us wants to cook something special.

For eg. a friend of mine got hold of some very good Snapper and he wanted to cook that and do the accompanying dishes...but another friend recently had a short notice do for their DC and everyone brought something.

Liiinoo Wed 02-Nov-16 00:38:44

I'm in the UK and in my late 50s min one group of friend it is the norm to expect to bring drink and a dish of food to a do. I would expect to get a text suggesting which one of my dishes would be appreciated.

In another friendship group it would be more normal to just bring a bottle,of wine and/or a hostess gift. But there are variations within both groups and I think it is important that the hosts make it clear what the catering arrangements are from the start.
We recently hosted a catered do for a significant birthday and were not explicit that no food contributions were required so for days before I was fielding requests about what people needed to bring. On the other hand I have a friend who is part of the second group where food contributions are not the norm and on more than one occasion have received a message from her a couple of hours before kick off saying 'what time are you dropping off the bread/pate/soup/etc and I am 200 miles away and have no way of cooking anything before I see her. I used to angst about this but I age realised she is just a user.

AcrossthePond55 Wed 02-Nov-16 00:53:04

Pot-Lucks aren't common where you are? Not unusual in the US at all.

I'd be fine with it unless I was instructed to bring Prime Rib for 12 and a case of expensive wine. But a come over and bring a main dish/side/dessert for 6 and a case of beer, no problem.

ftw Wed 02-Nov-16 00:57:56

I wouldn't invite people to my house who I didn't know well enough to say 'can you bring pud/chips n dips?' or who couldn't equally say 'sorry, I'm skint'.


DixieWishbone Wed 02-Nov-16 01:10:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotWeavingButDarning Wed 02-Nov-16 01:16:13

grin Dixie

Agree these parties are normal to me too. I usually bring lethal sangria and devilled eggs. Mmmm.

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