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AIBU re sterilisation?

(24 Posts)
LordVoldemortsMissingNose Tue 01-Nov-16 18:09:12

I have approached my GP asking to be sterilised (I am female). I had an unplanned pregnancy due to a contraception failure which ended in miscarriage in July and I feel quite scared that this could happen again. I have exhausted all other forms of long term contraception and found problems with each, I am now ready for a permanent solution.

My GP would much prefer to do a vasectomy on my husband and has asked us to discuss this.

It seems to be the general feeling amongst my friends and in fact the GP that the man should be sterilised and not the woman, however I feel it would be unfair to try to persuade my husband to do something he has reservations about. AIBU to ask to be sterilised instead of him?

Garthmarenghi Tue 01-Nov-16 18:14:30

No I agree with you. It makes absolute sense for you to be sterilised if this is your wish.

lunchboxtroubles Tue 01-Nov-16 18:16:00

How old are you?

MyGiddyUncle Tue 01-Nov-16 18:17:58

Depends on your age an individual circumstances, including whether you have kids already IMO.

I don't think 'just anyone' should be agreed a sterilisation.

A vasectomy is a much simpler operation so it's not surprising that that would be the preferred option. And you said your GP asked you to 'discuss this' which is entirely reasonable and completely different to trying to force him into something he doesn't want to do.

Nicketynac Tue 01-Nov-16 18:18:56

I think it is because a vasectomy is a much less invasive procedure, also avoids you having to worry about hormones, early menopause, risk of osteoporosis etc.

LordVoldemortsMissingNose Tue 01-Nov-16 18:20:05

I am 35 and have two children. I would definitely not want any more even if I ended up with a different partner or something happened to my children. I did explain that we have discussed vasectomy and that my husband has reservations and was still asked to discuss.

SouthPole Tue 01-Nov-16 18:20:44

I'm having a baby in May (my fifth birth, but my second surrogate baby for friends - a sibling for their first). We are DEFINITELY done with babies, husband and I, so I would like them to sterilise when they're in there.

My own middle was EMCS and my surrobaby was breech so CS. Even though the midwife did say to me with a tilted head "they do like you to try and deliver naturally" even after two C-Sections...anyway, I'll be having another Section come May and I hope they'll do it then for me.

If it's what you want, go for it. I am!

How did you feel about the unplanned pregnancy? Before you miscarried.

Phillipa12 Tue 01-Nov-16 18:25:42

southpole i was sterilised at the same time as my fourth section, requested it with my consultant at my 36 week appointment signed the necessary paperwork and then doubly confirmed with the surgeon just before he carried it out, best thing i have ever done.

LordVoldemortsMissingNose Tue 01-Nov-16 18:26:58

I was pretty devastated about the pregnancy before the miscarriage, I was coming to a point of acceptance but not happiness yet. That makes me sound quite terrible I suppose.

Flisspaps Tue 01-Nov-16 18:28:09


I am being sterilised on Thursday. I can't wait. I made it very clear at the GP and hospital that it wasn't up for negotiating with DH having a vasectomy. That's my choice.

Yes, it would be 'easier' if DH had a vasectomy now, however if we were to divorce in the future (we have no intention of this happening, but a quick look at the relationships board gives a swift dose of reality) I'd be stuck in the same position of being at risk of pregnancy again if I met another partner.

He'd also be open to more DC in the future whereas for me it would be a complete fucking disaster, both mentally and physically.

LordVoldemortsMissingNose Tue 01-Nov-16 18:38:15

That's how we feel, for me having another pregnancy is one of the worst things that could happen to me for my health, both mental and physical and I simply don't want to ever be pregnant again. My husband doesn't feel like this and doesn't want to make a permanent change. I'm just concerned that j will be refused and it is seriously affecting my sex life as I'm very scared to become pregnant again.

SvenandSven Tue 01-Nov-16 19:06:21

I was sterilized at 35. I too was told its better for the man. But I insisted it was my choice and if I ended up pg I would terminate no question. I wanted a permanent solution plus I know I wouldn't cope with any more dc's. I have two dc's one of which has sen and at that point could be very violent to me(a lot better now the right support in place). I have not once regretted my choice.

Dontpanicpyke Tue 01-Nov-16 19:12:07

I think it's your choice and nothing to do with your dh wanting/not wanting a vasectomy or anyone else.

It's your body and you don't want your body to get pregnant.

I think it's fine for a doctor to discuss options and a cool off think but at the end of the day it's your body just like it's your dhs choice not to have a vaccectomy.

KitKats28 Tue 01-Nov-16 19:22:41

I was sterilised at 27, when my daughter was 6 months old. I'd discussed it with my community midwife during my pregnancy and she said she didn't see any reason it would be an issue.

I think I got my referral when DD was about 3 months old and told the consultant that I wanted it done ASAP. I vaguely remember him asking why me instead of my husband and I said because that's what we've decided. That was that and I had it done.

The only small issue was that I was breastfeeding, so my husband wandered round town with the baby while I had the surgery, and brought her for a feed afterwards. I've never regretted it. I loathed hormonal birth control and wanted to be done with it. I just wish they had taken the whole lot out, as I didn't need it any more.

Sugarlightly Tue 01-Nov-16 19:26:20

More expensive to do a sterilisation than contraceptives..

LordVoldemortsMissingNose Tue 01-Nov-16 19:41:53

I understand the expense issue. I think the thing that bugs me is the concept that it's my husband's "turn" to sort it out, when if that was said the other way it would be outrageous. I want it done, he doesn't and that should be it shouldn't it? I understand contraceptives are cheaper but I have no options left except condoms and they failed to prevent the pregnancy earlier this year.

Flisspaps Tue 01-Nov-16 21:04:40

Probably cheaper to do a sterilisation op than an abortion (which would be what I'd do if I got pregnant again)

EveOnline2016 Tue 01-Nov-16 21:18:04

I really annoys me that in most cases men get a referral with no obstacles to go through, yet a women asking the same has to.

I am so glad our family doctor agreed for dh vasectomy, because other wise I would have gone private by taking out a loan, I got a quote for around £1500 with Marie stops but that was 7 years ago so don't know the cost now.

TrickyD Tue 01-Nov-16 21:34:38

I was sterilised when I was about 36. DH was 29. We had two DSs and did not want more. Our GP was very keen for DH to have the snip. 'It won't make you any less of a man you know". Poor DH knew this and tried to explain it was I who was pushing to be sterilised. With our age difference, I felt if DH died and I met a new partner, I would not want a child, whereas if I died DH would probably find a younger partner who would want children. (This was 36 years ago and we are still both alive 👏 ).

Eventually after running through all other options, GP gave in, but not before DH asked him 'what do you do?'
Rather sheepish reply "We use condoms actually".

FaithAscending Tue 01-Nov-16 21:43:05

It's definitely your right to chose to be sterilised. The reason they push vasectomy over sterilisation is because vasectomies are less complex operations and lower risk than sterilisation. But if you want the sterilisation, then you should push for it.

DrDreReturns Tue 01-Nov-16 21:50:27

I agree with you. If you want to be sterilised, they should do it for you.
When I had a vasectomy there was no quibbling. Should be the same for female sterilisation imo.

imip Tue 01-Nov-16 21:54:09

I was also sterilised during my 4th section. I have had 5dcs and I was 40. Sure, I'd love another baby, child, adult in my family; but I also knew what I could cope with another child and that I was 40 years old at the time.

It's been such a bloody relief not to have to worry about contraception. Dh was particularly squeamish (almost fainted each time I had an epidural). I would probably have suggested a vasectomy if I hadn't had a section, but I knew I could never go through another pregnancy again!

WannaBe Tue 01-Nov-16 22:09:26

Yanbu. It's disgraceful that women are being denied autonomy over their own bodies by people who aren't the ones having to live with the consequences. Shocking that it's actually easier to get a termination than a sterilisation, and that there are actually women on MN who agree with this stance.

I am actually in a similar position ATM, am 42 though, only have one DC but have recently been diagnosed with a heart condition and am on medication which means that hormonal contraception is not advisable any more. I'm quite done with having babies besides which a pregnancy would most likely be detrimental to my health, so am going to ask about sterilisation. My DP has actually said he will be done but we don't live together yet plus if anything happened to me he might want children with someone else whereas I'm done. But whether I can have it done will also likely depend on the risks and the opinion of my cardiologist. grin.

SouthPole Tue 01-Nov-16 22:27:18

OP it doesn't make you sound terrible at all.

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