To not know how best to handle this

[bookeatingboy]

I wrote about this a while back but things have moved on and I'm worried for ds.

Basically there are 6 friends in their group at school, they don't all see each other out of school mainly due to various after school activities, but all go to each others parties etc. Four of them play for one football team and ds plays for a rival team. We had some banter relating to this at school within the group which escalated into 5 of the group not allowing ds to sit with them at lunch table ad when he sat down they all got up and walked away.

I spoke with the head who dealt with things straight away, two of the mums were not happy with me though and made it clear they thought I should have come to see them. The reason I didn't BTW is that it was happening in school so felt they should deal with it, we agreed to disagree and it was sorted.

It's clearly not sorted though as two of the group had parties this half term and ds was excluded from both, both parents had photos on FB, (which I didn't let ds see) however they've all been talking about it today and ds is very upset and has admitted that since "he got them told off" they have been excluding him in school and he feels left out, and he wishes he hadn't said anything.

I've tried to explain why it was the right thing to do but he's not having it... how can I help him move forward from where we are, and do I do anything about the current level of social exclusion since I feel it is being driven by the parents.

[Gazelda]

This is a difficult one. I wouldn't have gone to the head if I were you, I'd have spoken with the teacher (assuming all the boys are in the same class) and asked for some low key support to nip this in the bud.

I'd be slightly unimpressed about how the school have handled this - it seems they've spoken with the boys and then left it all to sort itself out.

I think I'd explain to DS that maybe in hindsight it would have been better to raise it with teacher and ask him/her to have a quiet word with the boys and maybe included something relevant in PHSE lesson.

I don't think you can approach the boys/their parents about the socialisingnand exclusion from parties. Let tempers and bad feeling die down. Can you explain to the teacher what has happened and ask if your DS can have some help and support in developing new friendships?

The parents may well have behaved badly, but tackling them won't improve the situation for your DS.