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distant family friendship

(13 Posts)
Rosae Tue 01-Nov-16 14:14:28

Me and my dh have recently moved house and now live in the same city as a family who are relatives of my sister.

I had concerns about becoming friends with them as i was worried that it could cause awkwardness if two of us fell out and the others were caught in the middle. I was persuaded by my dh and other family that I was over thinking things and contacted them to suggest a meet.

We arranged an evening for the adults to come over and have drinks when our little one has gone to bed (their kids are old enough to be left alone). They have now contacted me to say that they have been reminded that there are fireworks going on nearby so they want to meet some friends there instead and come another evening. I have agreed as i feel I can't really do anything else without causing tension and I know my sister wants to meet up with us both quite soon but inwardly I feel rather upset by it. I feel like we have been dropped for a better offer.

AIBU for deciding that i don't want to encourage more meetups after this other than those arranged with my sister? I feel we are very different people, i am very much a quiet homebird whereas they take delight in barely being at home. I think with their level of business these kinds of clashes probably happen often and we would always be lower on the list.

I'm so mad at myself and feel like I should have trusted my instincts.

Nurszilla Tue 01-Nov-16 14:18:39

do you always catastrophise like this? I don't mean to sound rude but worrying about meeting/getting to know someone and then how damaging it would be if you were to then fall out isn't normal.

SheldonsSpot Tue 01-Nov-16 14:21:26

Crikey, talk about overthinking.

You're planning on falling out with them before you've even got to know them?

You sound like very hard work.

JagWalker Tue 01-Nov-16 14:24:23

You're overthinking it.

Also, fireworks tend to be a one night thing so they can't really rearrange that, it's not necessarily that they've had a "better offer".

Could you go to the fireworks too?

LockedOutOfMN Tue 01-Nov-16 14:34:48

Don't worry. Their children (and they) probably want to go to the fireworks and it is just one night of the year.

There's no obligation for you to become friends with these people, but so far there's no indication that they want to avoid you or not socialise with you.

Rosae Tue 01-Nov-16 14:56:13

Their children aren't going. Just them. We have a baby who hates loud noises, plus we weren't invited but told they were going with friends and they'd see us another night, I'd feel like we were gate crashing.

I know I was over thinking at first, but it's partly as I've seen that issue happen before with a friend and her parents and parent in laws. The parents all lived nearby and she was forever stuck in the middle.

It was also an extremely stressful move that I didn't want to make so I was seeing issues everywhere with everything tbh.

HereIAm20 Tue 01-Nov-16 15:18:53

I would normally say they shouldn't drop you but as it is a fireworks event and as you yourself say you want it to be a casual arrangement then this time I'd be thankful to be able to stay in by myself and do it another time.

Lonoxo Tue 01-Nov-16 17:17:32

I agree it's an once a year event so nothing to get worked up about. I would leave the ball in their court.

I do understand your concerns about potential politics. Perhaps you should see them as 'group friends' and maybe only see them when you see your sister? That way you look sociable but are limiting any potential fallout.

Rosae Tue 01-Nov-16 17:33:49

Lonoxo I'm so glad someone else gets what I mean. I thought I was going mad. I will see how it goes and try to keep an open mind. I think with how busy they are a meet up won't happen often tbh.

ohdearme1958 Tue 01-Nov-16 17:36:42

Rose, I would just leave it now. I think they are as hesitant about this forced situation as you are.

AlmaMartyr Tue 01-Nov-16 17:42:56

Rosae - I know what you mean and I would be concerned too. I do overthink things and I do need to be careful with myself about it, but equally I do get concerned in this kind of scenario. I'd just leave it for now - I don't think they've dropped you or been rude particularly but sometimes it can be a good thing to look after yourself.

sonjadog Tue 01-Nov-16 17:47:09

I think you are seriously overthinking this. But tbh, if it is causing you to think this much about it already now, it is probably best just to leave it.

altiara Tue 01-Nov-16 17:48:20

YABU for deciding nownot to invite them ever again! Just don't even think about it, if they invite you over, try and make a date for when other family are around or in a couple of months time. Don't stress about it. They may not want to make you best friends either but just want to be polite and friendly.
I agree that the fireworks is a once/year thing and they're not properly blowing you out.

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