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Buying son's girlfriend presents

(123 Posts)
Sunnysky2016 Tue 01-Nov-16 09:59:40

I'm in a bit of a dilemma. My ds1 (16) has been with his gf for over a year and they are the same age. She's a lovely girl and we love her to bits.
Christmas in our house is always full of presents as we like to treat each other. However I've been reading other posts on the number of gifts people buy and I know it varies hugely.
I have bought gifts for gf from me and my dp, ds2 and of course ds1.
These have included a necklace, watch, candle, smellies, pj's, cuddly toy, and other little bits. However having read some other posts, I don't know how her family celebrate? Would giving so many gifts been seen as not the done thing? I've done it, because we love her and see her as part of the family, so she has a stocking and sack as well. Also things like smellies, pj's are a kind of 'female tradition' in our family, (gp's buy for dm, dm and mil buy for me, so it was automatic I done for her).
It's not a worry as in, her parents may not be able to afford things, but in worrying that will they think I've gone overboard. I've asked ds1 and he's just said it's fine and she will love everything. I just don't want to upset her parents if this is not how they do Christmas. Also I don't want to ask her parents, because I don't want them to feel that they then have to buy ds1 X amount, because this is not about that. We've done it because we enjoy given gifts, not because we expect anything in return.

ProudBadMum Tue 01-Nov-16 10:01:57

That's lovely. Don't overthink it at all. My mum gets our partners the same each year as well. Yet to find anyone who takes offence

Dontpanicpyke Tue 01-Nov-16 10:07:39

Sounds very generous and you sound lovely.

Maybe you could just ask your ds to ask her what her family traditions are though so she's not overwhelmed or feels she hadn't brought you guys similar?

Bluebolt Tue 01-Nov-16 10:08:27

If I was the girl I would probably find it difficult with who the gifts where from and not the amount. I am not good at receiving without giving so getting gifts from everyone would feel awkward I would prefer just from you.

MrsJayy Tue 01-Nov-16 10:08:39

They sound lovely presents and they have been together a while so not as if its been 5 minutes. I probably wouldnt get her anymore though you might overwhelm the girl

MummyLikesWrapMusic Tue 01-Nov-16 10:09:06

It is lovely to think about her, but I think you've gone over the top. My mil goes overboard at xmas, with a million little 'things' to open, I just don't have the room for it! It may also be quite overwhelming for a 16 year old, getting presents from all her boyfriend's family, even after dating a year. I'd scale it back myself, one present from the family, maybe with pjs as well.

NavyandWhite Tue 01-Nov-16 10:09:54

That's a lot of gifts. grin
Ds (17) has a gf too that I shall be buying for but was going to get her one main present and some bubble bath type thing, Ds will be getting her his own present.

JellyBelli Tue 01-Nov-16 10:10:15

I'd tell her you are big gift givers, and she should wallow in it smile

NavyandWhite Tue 01-Nov-16 10:11:23

The problem might be that her parents feel awkward for not buying your Ds loads of presents.

MrsJayy Tue 01-Nov-16 10:11:54

Actually reading your list again there is a lot of stuff there a watch and necklace i personally would do 1 or t'oher with her other bits.

Tigerpaws57 Tue 01-Nov-16 10:12:19

You sound very kind but it does sound a little over the top to me. Do you think gf might feel a bit embarrassed by such generosity? Does ds1 buy his own gifts for her or do you choose those too?

GreenieGables Tue 01-Nov-16 10:13:39

This reminds me of my sister. Her in laws spend hundreds on her, but that's normal for them. Our own mum gives us £50 cash, which is normal for us. She felt awkward to start with but now loves it grin. The first year they told her to write a list, so she did thinking they would choose one thing, but they got her the whole lot she was left feeling blush.

If your DS said it's fine, then I'm sure she'll be very grateful.

CurbsideProphet Tue 01-Nov-16 10:18:22

You sound very thoughtful and generous. My only advice would be (and I mean this in a kind way) to check that the necklace, watch etc are definitely to her taste. I may be projecting, but my DP's mum likes to give presents and I then feel obliged to wear them in her presence (even though they are colours/styles that don't suit me).

It's lovely that you would automatically want to include her in your family tradition.

rainbowjoy Tue 01-Nov-16 10:20:55

All sounds very generous but too much to me. Is she actually spending Xmas day with you or will she receive the gifts later. Might be too much for her if everyone else has had theirs already. She is only 16 and might feel embarrassed that she doesn't have the money to spend on presents for you. Your ds16 should buy his present even if you give him the money. It's lovely that you like the gf but to me saying you love her is rather odd. At 16 I doubt if this relationship will last.

SirChenjin Tue 01-Nov-16 10:27:47

That's a lot - esp with a stocking AND sack!! It's great that you love her to bits, but they are only 16 and they have only been dating for a year - I think I'd be a bit taken about if either of my teens got that much from their GF/BFs family, it would feel v OTT. Could you scale it back a bit? I know you don't give to receive, but that's a lot of pressure on her parents (who probably see him as one of many BFs who will come into her life in years to come).

Aeroflotgirl Tue 01-Nov-16 10:28:55

You do sound lovely, really sweet, ask your ds what your girlfriend would like, mabey giftcards that she can buy something she likes.

MrsJayy Tue 01-Nov-16 10:30:20

Have you decided who will give what i think it might be better to do individual wrapping, so Ds1 who im assuming is the boyfriend gives her the best present on his own iyswim and you give something and then ds2 gives something a christmas sack and stocking might be a bit much.

Pineapplemilkshake Tue 01-Nov-16 10:31:18

I think it sounds lovely smile

A mum of an ex boyfriend sounds very like you and got me lots of presents for Christmas - a mixture of novelty stuff but included a lovely watch. She even wrapped up a couple of chocolate bars. It was well received and I could see the pleasure she received from giving.

I wouldn't worry about what others may think. I've found on Mumsnet that what people say they give at Christmas doesn't tally up with what seems to happen in real life - I don't know anyone who only gets their kid one present, or who does that whole "one thing you want, one thing you need, one thing to wear" etc!

Ketsby Tue 01-Nov-16 10:35:19

Crikey, that's more than I get off a spouse and my parents put together. It's a bit overwhelming. My DH's family are over-givers and I really don't like it - 8 or 9 'little' gifts that still add up to an amount of money that makes me feel ashamed (because I cannot afford masses of gifts. They are very rich and I am not) and embarrassed. They don't even really know me.

Bestowing upon a non-family member a family tradition like stockings and sacks would freak me right out - she's not a part of the family, she's not one of your kids.

Dial it back. One token gift is more than most teen girlfriends can expect. Save the enthusiastic family gushing for an actual adult spouse.

NerrSnerr Tue 01-Nov-16 10:36:04

It does sound lovely, but I notice that you say that you bought for her from DS1. I'm assuming he gets to choose and buy what he gets for her? I'd hate to find out it was actually my boyfriend's mum and not him who got them.

MummyLikesWrapMusic Tue 01-Nov-16 10:37:16

I've found on Mumsnet that what people say they give at Christmas doesn't tally up with what seems to happen in real life - I don't know anyone who only gets their kid one present, or who does that whole "one thing you want, one thing you need, one thing to wear" etc!

Yes, but that's for someone's own child/not relevant here. The op is buying a load of items for a obviously lovely young woman, but one who may well not be around forever. It's a lot of fuss for a teenage girlfriend, and more likely to embarrass her than not (either due to the amount or the feeling that she hasn't given enough back)

As for poster like yourself suggesting not to worry 'what others think' - that's quite rude. The op asked a question, should she only listen to posters like you who agree with her?

Caboodle Tue 01-Nov-16 10:40:45

You sound lovely and the presents are perfect. She will be made to feel very welcome and a real part of the family.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Tue 01-Nov-16 10:42:00

Sounds great, do you need another daughter in law? winkgrin

My mum does the same for all our partners and they've all loved it (male and female) even when their own christmases were different.

Also if you were my daughters mother in law I'd be over the moon with you showing her such thought and love regardless of if it was more, less or the same amount as I'd spent on her smile

MrsJayy Tue 01-Nov-16 10:42:06

When 1 of mine had been with a bf for a year dd was 17 I got him aftershave gift set (not lynx grin) and dd2 gave him a comic book he likes i just wouldn't go to ott

golfbuggy Tue 01-Nov-16 10:42:54

This is me and DH's family. The first Christmas I was with him they bought me a load of stuff (including from the dogs!). I'd bought them one not very big present and just felt hideously embarrassed by the volume and the exuberance of it all - they'd bought me more than my own family combined.

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