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To ask about vasectomy reversal after 18 years?

(17 Posts)
MaisieJ Tue 01-Nov-16 09:40:59

Sorry, not strictly Aibu but need the traffic as I'm going out of my mind with worry.
Basically, has anyone had success with vasectomy reversal?

I'm 35 and DH is 45. He had the snip around 18 years ago with his ex.

Now we're married and are wondering what the chances are of having a child of our own?

From what I've read there are mixed views and I'm finding it all rather depressing. We're not bothering with NHS, it will be privately funded. We have said that is the VR doesn't work, that will be it - no ivf or any plan B 😪

MaisieJ Tue 01-Nov-16 09:42:19

Should add that I've been asking DH for ages for this, he's suddenly cone around to the idea and now it's looking unlikely anyway :-( hence the panic. Finally get him to agree and it looks like it's a no go anyway

Rosae Tue 01-Nov-16 09:44:14

I don't really know anything about VR I'm afraid, but can I ask why no IVF? You realise that even if the reversal doesn't work he is still producing sperm which can be harvested so an IVF baby could still be both of yours if that's what is important?

Holdtheslaw Tue 01-Nov-16 09:48:00

I'm sorry but everyone I know who's had a reversal haven't had success and have had to try ivf

Manumission Tue 01-Nov-16 09:48:13

Woah, take a breath.

You married him knowing he'd had the procedure and been together a while with him not wanting to reverse so suddenly getting into a 'panic' now is manufacturing a lot of rapid artificial pressure for yourself.

I understood the success chances of VRs to be very individual things depending on healing, time passed etc.

Have you seen a consultant yet?

Why no IVF or other treatment if this doesn't work? Is that his idea?

It all sounds very dramatically 'all or nothing'. It's a lot of stress on you.

MaisieJ Tue 01-Nov-16 09:48:48

It's the cost. He's saying if a £2.5k opp doesn't work he doesn't then want to sink another 5k into it.

Manumission Tue 01-Nov-16 09:50:16

I can't think how to soften the question, so I'll just ask; Are you sure he is fully onboard with the idea of more DC?

MaisieJ Tue 01-Nov-16 09:51:38

I married him under the acceptance that we'd never have a child together and I was ok with that at first but as time has gone on, our own kids are growing up (youngest 15) I've felt for a while now that another baby is what I want. Could be my bio clock alarming but now that he's agreed to it and has actually said he likes the idea, I'm saddened to see it's unlikely anyway

MaisieJ Tue 01-Nov-16 09:54:01

He's quite a Scrooge with money (not in a mean way but for instance he's driving around in a shell of a car with no heating etc because he doesn't want to pay for a new one ... even though he could easily afford it ... I can't see him being willing to spend almost £3k on something he didn't really want

Manumission Tue 01-Nov-16 09:54:19

It might be that a consultant suggests something else as a first resort anyway. In which case you could direct your budget where it's most likely to work.

Try putting that to him? His reaction could tell you a lot.

MaisieJ Tue 01-Nov-16 09:55:17

He's making an appointment to see consultant on Friday

Manumission Tue 01-Nov-16 09:56:56

You'll soon have a professional opinion then smile

SteelyMindedLiberal Tue 01-Nov-16 09:58:11

My partner had a reversal after 12 years so we could try for DC - at the time I was 32, he was 47. We conceived the month after the op - he went back to get his test results the day before our first scan! So don't lose heart. Our DD is 10 mo now. I'd only heard negative stories too, especially as he was more than 10 years past the snip. But the surgeon's office was awash with baby pics and testimonials so plenty of people do succeed - and they weren't surprised when I phoned to tell them. I think a lot depends on his general health (and yours!) whether he had a good count before etc - so if his previous partner fell quickly that'd be a clue. Good luck!

ilovecake77 Tue 01-Nov-16 10:01:03

just to give you some hope...my husband had a reversal after 10 years and although it did take 2 years of trying to conceive after operation and his sperm count not being as good as it was before we did conceive 3 times after this.He had operation done privately at the dawson microsurgery clinic in the north of england,hope this helps.x

MaisieJ Tue 01-Nov-16 10:01:19

Yeah he said she got pregnant quickly both times (only a year between his kids) and he had the snip straight after his 2nd was born

SteelyMindedLiberal Tue 01-Nov-16 10:27:08

Looking hopeful then! Especially if you had no trouble conceiving either. And yes, we heard Dawson was good, we're in the Midlands so went for Harriss in Notts. Also good!

scaevola Tue 01-Nov-16 10:36:42

Well, it's more optimistic than it used to be. But that's as good as it gets.

You might want him to ask about the rates of achieving a pregnancy (rather than success being measured as some sperm getting through for a period after the procedure).

Other factors which are likely to be relevant:

- time since the operation (the longer it is, the lower the chances)
- the method used (was he cauterised - he'd likely remember a smell of singing)

The microsurgery is (usually) successful in the sense that unless a lot of the vas was cut/frazzled away, there will be enough of it present to reconstitute a viable-looking tube. (if not enough, they'll abandon the op, as too short a vas would be painful and might not hold together anyhow).

Another factor, as yet imperfectly understood, is that it seems that some men once the outward flow of sperm is occluded and they are re absorbed, start to produce anti-sperm antibodies. That could also be relevant to IVF.

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