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To feel like I really dislike my sister

(13 Posts)
mamma12 Mon 31-Oct-16 22:12:32

My sister just isn't a nice person. She speaks to my mum like dirt, constantly belittling her and shouting at her in front of people (to the point my neighbour has expressed concern).

She is really cold towards her daughter, my niece. She rarely hugs her and if she falls and hurts herself instead of comforting her, tells her off for crying. She won't allow her to leave the table until she has finished every scrap of food even if this means sitting for hours at the table.

She spends endless amounts of money on herself and my nieces father whilst my niece rarely gets anything new.

She doesn't play with my niece and will ignore her completely most of the time. I am very close to my niece and the other day she told me she wished I was her mummy which really breaks my heart.

I don't feel like I can completely cut off from her as I feel so protective of my niece but being around my sister is driving me insane. I feel like I'm constantly biting my tongue and I cannot hold it in much longer.

I don't feel it's normal to dislike your siblings and it upsets me but I genuinely feel like I wouldn't give her the time of day if we weren't related.

leanback Mon 31-Oct-16 22:53:20

That really sucks op. I have a very difficult relationship with my brother so I know how it feels to be completely at ends with your sibling and Their behaviour. I think you're doing the right thing thigh by not cutting her out in order to protect your niece. All you can do is be as affectionate with your niece as possible am daughter let her know you are there for her. It doesn't sound like she's being mothered properly at all.

BecauseIamaBear Tue 01-Nov-16 07:43:41

You are not alone..
DP has a very close relationship with DS.. I have nothing at all in common with my DB&DS... indeed if I never saw either of them again in my life, I don't think I would be at all sad.

As they say, you choose your friends.. Sadly the nasty people in the world still have relatives who do not deserve them.

Hoppinggreen Tue 01-Nov-16 07:50:03

My brother is a thoroughly unpleasant person who I would cross the street to avoid if I wasn't related to him. - in fact I do anyway to be honest and thankfully haven't seen him for 4 years.
Just because you happen to share some DNA it doesn't mean you have to like someone.

justilou Tue 01-Nov-16 08:01:55

Isn't your niece lucky to have a loving auntie like you? Poor little girl is obviously very lonely and isolated. Let her know that you're always there for her and you're only a phone call away if she needs you to collect her. Obviously you're going to have to stay involved with your (bloody awful) sister if you want your niece in your life. Your sister sounds like my mother, btw - who became increasingly abusive (physically and mentally) as I got older. Keep an eye on your niece for signs of physical abuse. (Bruises, etc) Perhaps when she's older she can move in with you.

BusterGonad Tue 01-Nov-16 08:03:39

Is your niece ok OP? Is it purely that your sister is a bit nasty? What I'm trying to say in a tactful manner is do you actually think there is any abuse? I don't want to ask but feel that I should!

BusterGonad Tue 01-Nov-16 08:04:47

X post with Justilou.

Kpo58 Tue 01-Nov-16 08:11:45

I'm pretty sure what you have listed classed as emotional abuse.
www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect/emotional-abuse/

mortgagefreesoon5 Tue 01-Nov-16 08:15:45

Can you get to see your niece without seeing your sister, ie arranging sleepovers at yours, taking her out for the day etc That way you get to have her in your life without having your sister around.
If she shouts at your mum in front of you, remind her that one day maybe her own daughter will treat her like that.....or alternatively tell her to f.o.( not such a good idea since you want to keep a relationship with dn) She is your mum. No one speaks to mum like that
You sound like a lovely auntie btw

Amber76 Tue 01-Nov-16 08:42:38

I think it can be normal to dislike siblings. Can't choose your family and all that.
I have a number of brothers and they're awful - really self centred ignorant people. I feel sorry for their wives but at least they chose their husbands... it is hard on kids.

Simmi1 Tue 01-Nov-16 08:47:44

That sounds dreadful OP but agree with others to keep making an effort with your niece. You sound like a lovely Aunty btw flowers

mamma12 Tue 01-Nov-16 14:19:31

Hi I definitely don't think she is physically or deliberately abusive in one sense. I just feel that she really hasn't ever bonded with my niece. I feel like she just has no interest in her. I wonder if it's because she was born prematurely and she distanced herself from the beginning or whether it's just that she's a strange unemotional person. It's really saddening to watch because she's such a lovely little girl I feel so protective of her. I feel that my sister needs to go to parenting classes but I don't know how you would drop that in a conversation with someone you already have a strained relationship with.

mamma12 Tue 01-Nov-16 14:24:39

Ah thank you. I've told her lots of times not to do it. My mum complains to me about it all the time and we agreed that I would always challenge my sister if she did it in front of me. Unfortunately the first time I did my mum said oh she's tired she's been at work all day. I think my mum feels responsible for her behaviour because she wasn't the best parent herself but she wasn't so bad as to warrant my sister's attitude to her.

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