Should i hate them and consider moving away(11 Posts)
I am completely simmering right now so I apologise if this is a bit over emotional i keep going from mad to sad every few minutes.
I have had enough! Done! I don't want to be friends with these people anymore!
Live with a group friends for 2 years and I have slowly come to hate them....and I really do mean it.
My question is am I being unreasonable in my feeling towards them and to simple stop taking to them after I completed my studies and move away to do my masters.
I am at uni and working full time so I have very little time and become a little frazzled. When I come home I am meet by passive aggressive comments. This are written in messaged and left everywhere. Now i literally do everything in this house. I'm the one who blitzs every sunday, takes out the bin and generally smarts things up.
An example of this i got home for a lecture and a shift at work to walk in to my house mate making dinner turning round and saying 'the bin needs a bag in it' before dumping the rubbish into the bare bin and walking into her room. Now i had taking the bin out at 7.30 that morning and i came back a 5ish to be told i needed to put a bag in. I did not realise that i a unpaid maid, i clearly didn't get that memo
This is the type of thing that has made me sick of them. I honestly thought these people where my friend but i am treated like wallpaper.
As friends they aren't much good they seem to have gravitated to either copped up with there boyfriends or crying over something and running to me for support which is not returned on the very occasional time i need it.
An example one housemate that im closest too and was my best friend is having family problems, them being mean to her about certain quirks, i try to help her constructively and put myself out for her. I then message her with the problem which this post is stemming from and i get a bloody picture of her dressed up for Halloween. To which i was told who she was going as and i told her to have fun and started writing this.
I feel like i want to cry. I had work really hard on making friends, im quiet awkward and shy and can come off as cold or weird and now i am feeling friendless but i honestly cant continue being friends with them, they don't behave like it.
At the end of this year i just want to move away and not speak to them again. It would be interesting to see if any of them bother to message me after.
Am i being unreasonable to just forget about them and move away or am i being to mean and need to fall into a sleep coma and start again tomorrow.
I think long term you need to move out. You're clearly not happy there.
I don't think these people are your friends and you have become the unpaid maid if they are being really petty with putting a sodding bin bag in the bin!
When do you finish uni? Anyway you can leave there sooner?
Do you empty the bin every day? Do you remember to put a fresh bag in it?
On the face of it they sound awful but I know that in shared houses it's very easy for several people to feel like they're the only one doing most of the work and feel like they're the only one buying loo roll or washing up.
Wow that is some stream of consciousness. Doesn't seem like you are happy there - can you focus on making some friends out of the house? On your course? Societies? Sports? Job?
Been in that scenario, it's horrible. I would ASAP for an alternative.
Spareroom is a good site.
Anything through your uni?
Possibly renting on your own or with less people.
In that scenario it doesn't get better and it's good to get out when you can.
They sound awful. I'd move and move on.
Can you say something to them, for example I would have said domething about the bin liner. It doesnt make for a pleasant atmosphere, but you do seethe less.
They were two fairly minor examples. In the first, are you sure your flatmate wasn't just annoyed that you had not replaced the bin bag when you took the old one out this morning? Drives me crazy when DP does this at our house. I never realise and then have to scrape around in the bottom of a dirty job to get the rubbish back out.
On your second example, was your friend definitely not just trying to cheer you up with a fun photo - sounds like she wanted to make you smile.
I do really want to leave but we are in student housing and there are no other rooms available, if i leave i have to pay for the room still. Officially i finish in June so still a long way off.
I have tried to make other friends but it hard as i work full time and its hard to attend all meeting and i sort of get left on the side. Most people have already found their clicks.
The bins emptied 2/3 time a week, i always replace the bin bag but i didn't have time in the morning as i had to get to work and it was beginning to fester and reek (and passive aggressive comment were flying). The girl in question only takes the bin out if she is press ganged into it.
I do take your point on in a house share that people feel like they are doing all the house work. I do agree that others do contribute and do the odd cleaning (often to show off their martyrdom). However i know for a fact that i buy the toilet rolls as people complain i always buy the cheap ones. I am also the only one who cleans as the others don't seem to have any product or tools to do so and have to ask when they need them.
I can see how my friend could have been trying to cheer me up but i doubt it. She has form for ignore things like that. If you have a problem she will talk over you about a problem she has that is similar to yours. I don't think she does it intentionally i just think she is very self important.
You need your own place away from all the kidults.
Then they are being arses. I'm sorry you're stuck there.
It doesn't sound like you have much time to spare but is it worth joining one of the clubs or societies that interest you? Something that would get you out of the house and meeting a whole new group of people?
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