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AIBU?

6 week girlfriend not taking it easy after heavy bleed and blood clot in uterus - Am i being unreasonable?

44 replies

MaxAwesome · 31/10/2016 12:46

My girlfriend is 6 weeks pregnant. She had a heavy bleed with clots Friday night and we both thought she had miscarried. We attended A&E for 7 hours and they ruled out an ectopic pregnancy and told us to get a scan to confirm the next morning.

We both went and it was probably one of the hardest things I've had to go through. However, upon the scan we were she hadn't miscarried and the pregnancy had actually progressed to the stage where there is a foetal heartbeat. A blood clot between the uterus and sac was diagnosed and we were told this sometimes resolves itself or it could potentially lead to miscarriage.

We are due to go back in 2 weeks for a follow up scan. The nurse suggested she get a 2 week sick note from work which my girlfriend refused to do. She claims this is because shes been off work recently and they are often very strict on sickness. Even though I explained that legally she is protected. She works as a receptionist so the nurse stated it was fine as long as it was a sit down job and she didnt do any heavy lifting etc. She was told to take it easy.

I don't feel that she is though. Shes going round the house tidying up, bending over to pick stuff up constantly and pretty much only having brief periods of sitting down. I can only conclude either she isn't bothered either way about the results of the pregnancy or she's in denial. I am stressing like mad here because she just isn't looking after herself like she should be. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

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ThymeLord · 31/10/2016 12:48

You do the tidying up and bending down to pick things up and then she won't have to.

gleam · 31/10/2016 12:48

Well, the obvious....why don't you tidy up?

Trifleorbust · 31/10/2016 12:48

I doubt very much that she isn't bothered about the pregnancy. She may be struggling with staying still and feel a lot of nervous energy - basically stress induced. Have you talked to her about this?

BorpBorpBorp · 31/10/2016 12:50

When you see her tidying up, and you say "I'll tidy that up, darling, you sit down and rest," what does she say?

MaxAwesome · 31/10/2016 12:50

Wow defensive much?
I am doing the tidying up, I've been hoovering, putting the clothes in the wash and out. Hoovering. Made her a cup of tea and some toast. She got out of bed said the tea was too cold(after 2 or 3 minutes). Emptied it out. Even turned the tv on then from the wall before she had to bend over. I'm doing everything I can. Telling her to let me know if she needs anything but she's finding little silly things she suddenly needs to do. Like rearranging the towels more neatly. I'm doing my best!

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MaxAwesome · 31/10/2016 12:51

When I start doing things she will just do something else. When I offer to do something she basically tells me she's not just going to sit around. When I start doing something for her that she mentions she needs to do, she starts doing something else

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CupofTeaTime · 31/10/2016 12:51

I think you're perhaps being slightly overprotective. She's only doing things in the house and I doubt walking round and picking things up will make much of a difference either way. If perhaps she was a farmer or something that involved very physical heavy work then she should be resting at home. I think the nurse at the hospital has been slightly over the top recommending a sick note and rest etc. It's a worrying time waiting to see what's going to happen and perhaps it makes her feel better feeling like she's doing something rather than sitting and worrying. Good luck with everything

MaxAwesome · 31/10/2016 12:53

I've talked to her about it but she just starts getting angry saying she's only walking round and doing little things. She's not being too active

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ThymeLord · 31/10/2016 12:54

Nobody is defensive. It stuck out from your OP and now you have clarified that you are doing your share. No drama.

You are being over the top. Which is understandable if you had a fright with the bleed and hospital visit. Taking it easy doesn't mean you can't do normal household bits and pieces and maybe she is finding it helpful to keep busy and keep her mind off the worry.

witsender · 31/10/2016 12:55

Well, tbh this is completely up to her isn't it. It is her body!

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 31/10/2016 12:56

I'm not pregnant, but I have failing kidneys and am often told to sit and rest. The problem with that is that it gives you far too much time to think and worry, and sometimes I want to not think and carry on as normal. It doesn't mean I don't care, just that you reach your limit for being able to sit and hope for the best, or worry about the worst.

I would assume your girlfriend is the same. You could try and help tidy and lift so she's not thinking about things that need to be done but she can't do, and you can talk to her and try to help keep her mind busy without her needing to move too much, but at the end of the day, it's her body and it's really difficult to know that it's not doing what it's supposed to be.

At the moment, I'd bet she feels very much like she's waiting to miscarry. Be very careful that in pushing her to rest and get signed off, you don't make it seem like it would be her fault if that happened.

MaxAwesome · 31/10/2016 12:56

Sorry, it just offended me a little that instantly people were claiming I wasn't doing my best when I am. I apologise

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AnchorDownDeepBreath · 31/10/2016 12:56

I'm not pregnant, but I have failing kidneys and am often told to sit and rest. The problem with that is that it gives you far too much time to think and worry, and sometimes I want to not think and carry on as normal. It doesn't mean I don't care, just that you reach your limit for being able to sit and hope for the best, or worry about the worst.

I would assume your girlfriend is the same. You could try and help tidy and lift so she's not thinking about things that need to be done but she can't do, and you can talk to her and try to help keep her mind busy without her needing to move too much, but at the end of the day, it's her body and it's really difficult to know that it's not doing what it's supposed to be.

At the moment, I'd bet she feels very much like she's waiting to miscarry. Be very careful that in pushing her to rest and get signed off, you don't make it seem like it would be her fault if that happened.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 31/10/2016 12:57

Cross-posts. I'd guess it's her mind, then, rather than actually needing things to be done. Rest of my post stands :)

Trifleorbust · 31/10/2016 12:57

You have to let her go at her own pace and support her without making her feel like a prisoner, OP. If she feels up to walking around, that's up to her. It doesn't sound like she is going overboard.

MaxAwesome · 31/10/2016 12:59

Ok I'll try and relax. I apologised to her last night when she started getting angry and just stated that I'm here to help her and do things for her when she needs etc. Will have to just let her do things her way and hope for the best. I guess all I can do is support and be there.

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trulybadlydeeply · 31/10/2016 13:14

OP, you mention that you think either that she is in denial, or that she isn't bothered either way about the results of the pregnancy. Have you talked about this with her, and given her the space to voice her fears, whether they are fears about losing the pregnancy, or fears about the pregnancy itself. Even the most wanted and planned pregnancy can lead to doubts and fears.

OlennasWimple · 31/10/2016 13:18

Sounds like your gf is petrified about what is happening, needs to find an outlet for her nervous energy and feels smothered by her (well intentioned) bf

I hope everything progresses well

MaxAwesome · 31/10/2016 13:22

Yeah I've spoken to her. She's basically just said what will be will be and that she's not going to worry about it

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lunchboxtroubles · 31/10/2016 13:23

None of the things you mention are going to have any bearing on the outcome of the pregnancy. I get that you are stressed, but what will be will be. If she does lose the baby and she feels that you think she brought it on herself by not resting, that isn't going to do your relationship any good.....

MaxAwesome · 31/10/2016 13:24

Yeah you're right

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PlymouthMaid1 · 31/10/2016 13:27

A stressful time for both of you. Her fatalistic attitude seems quite sensible in a self protection way and her 'activity' is not at a crazy level really. Carry on doing what you can and let her know that you are in it together. Good luck.

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DesignedForLife · 31/10/2016 13:27

Agree with posters above, sounds very much like she's trying to keep herself busy to distract herself from thinking about it. Let her be, and just try to be as supportive as you can. Try not to make too much of a big deal about it! Maybe focus on doing some nice things, take her out for a coffee, watch a movie, and try to chill as much as you can.

Even the healthiest pregnancy can be worrying. Hope it all goes well for you both.

Mollykate12 · 31/10/2016 13:29

It definitely sounds like she's trying to distract herself from thinking and worrying. I've recently miscarried and I try my best not to think about it otherwise it upsets me. She is probably terrified of what might happen, as are you. Maybe you could help distract her in ways where she doesn't need to move about too much?

JinkxMonsoon · 31/10/2016 13:35

None of the things you mention are going to have any bearing on the outcome of the pregnancy.

This.

Tidying up isn't going to cause a miscarriage. Walking around and bending over isn't going to cause a miscarriage. This pregnancy may end in a miscarriage, but it will not be a result of something your girlfriend has or has not done.

The uncertainty and precariousness of this situation is awful, I know. It's torture. But you need to stop bugging your girlfriend and just let her do what she needs to do to stay sane right now.

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