My feed
Premium
Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To think

31 replies

oggieoggie · 31/10/2016 07:52

That all MILs are nasty?
My MIL seriously is horrible.
Is there some sort of hormone that gets released when their DC gets married that turns them in to lying manipulative people?
What gets me is that they were once in the same position surely they remember how it feels? Blush

OP posts:
Report
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 31/10/2016 07:53

I'm sorry you have this experience. Not all MiLs are horrible.

Report
SamhainSoubriquet · 31/10/2016 07:54

Yabu

Some MILs are lovely. Some are awful

Same goes to DIL's. Some are lovely, some are awful.

It's not the in law that's the problem. It's the person

Unfortunately my MIL is awful

Report
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 31/10/2016 07:56

Yabu. That hasn't been my experience at all.

Report
StillaChocoholic · 31/10/2016 07:57

YABU, mines lovely.

Report
oggieoggie · 31/10/2016 07:58

I'm not saying all MILs are horrible but the ones I have encountered (jobs wise) all seem to be awful thinking up ways to cause problems one lady even used her grandchild to try and wreck her sons second marriage Confused

OP posts:
Report
Gardencentregroupie · 31/10/2016 08:02

My MIL is lovely

My mother's MIL, ie my paternal DGM, was one of the kindest, most generous, loving supportive women I've ever known. My mother loved her like her own and was heartbroken when she passed away.

YABU.

Report
Shutupanddance1 · 31/10/2016 08:02

Nope, my MIL has only ever been lovely to me - I'm heading to stay with her for 6 weeks this coming month!

Report
HoneyDragon · 31/10/2016 08:03

You know an awful lot of posters on here are Mother in Laws. Or will be one day. It might even happen to you if you have a son

Report
reup · 31/10/2016 08:06

Presumably to be a MIL you have to be a mother first, so therefore you think that all mother of kids who have partners/spouses are horrible too?

Report
ProseccoPoppy · 31/10/2016 08:07

YABU. But I'm sure you know that really Smile. My MIL is nice but very random. She can be inconsiderate (but can't we all sometimes) but loves DH and me and our DC. My mum is (obviously) DH's MIL and they get on great - he's a SAHD and meets up with her for lunch or coffee on days she isn't working. I think for some people it can be a tricky relationship as you choose your DH/DW, but not their family who nonetheless come as part of the package. Generalising ("all [insert type of relation] are horrible!") is always a bit dangerous and never very accurate imho.

Report
hesterton · 31/10/2016 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oggieoggie · 31/10/2016 08:09

I agree I will be a mother In law someday, however my point is, I would never dream of making someone feel so uncomfortable.
I find a lot of mother in laws are nice however there is a good few who simply are not.
Lying manipulative and they know it too but they see it as their right to be cruel. It's a power trip!

OP posts:
Report
TataEs · 31/10/2016 08:13

mines a mixed bag, our relationship is strained at best. it's bad today as she's not speaking to me because my Dh and his brother (so her sons) have fallen out, and that is some how my fault despite me not having anything to do with it Hmm
i will definitely try to be more supportive of any children in law i have in the future than she has been of me.

Report
HoneyDragon · 31/10/2016 08:16

Well your point was you think all MiLs are nasty. Then you said you don't think all Mils are horrible. And then you said a good few are horrible after that. Grin

Why didn't you just say. I think my MiL is a cow and vent? Claiming the majority of mothers of sons are horrible to their sons wives is bull shit and misogynistic.

Report
CigarsofthePharoahs · 31/10/2016 08:22

My mil passed before I even met Dh so I can't comment there.
I have looked at the in law relationship with other members of my family and it's interesting to note that any problems that have cropped up are as a direct result of the mil in question just assuming that the dil fit in with what the mil wanted and drop any ideas of her own.
It's caused a few problems as the mil I am thinking of seems to be generally a nice person about a lot of things, but has always carried on with her own way of doing things without really wondering what effects this is having on wider family members.
A case in point was one Christmas. The mil did her usual thing of not really planning anything until the last minute and then just assuming her sons and their wives would do what she wanted, even though they'd already made plans. She was all very nice about it, but my poor sister felt pulled about in several directions.
As I said, she isn't a horrible person, just really really thoughtless. TBH I think that's the root of a lot of threads on here about mils.

Report
Foxyloxy1plus1 · 31/10/2016 08:23

Do you remember before you had children, there were things that you would never do and when the children came along, you ended up doing lots of the things you said you wouldn't?

Welll, it's not that different with mothers in law. When you are one, you'll probably do at least some of the things you said you'd never do. As a mother in law, I find that I try very hard not to interfere, not to pester with phone calls and texts, not to offer advice, not to take sides, to love them and let them get on with their own lives. Then I wonder and worry that maybe I don't get in contact enough, don't know enough about their daily lives.

I don't think we can get it right.

Report
Soapalert · 31/10/2016 08:24

Yabu, I adore my mil like my own mother.

When I read these threads I dread becoming a mil!!!

Report
HoneyDragon · 31/10/2016 08:27

Cigars makes a good point. One of the most awful MiL and DiL relationships I know is due to the fact that both individuals are extraordinarily self centred. Of course neither of them can see this.

Report
HoneyDragon · 31/10/2016 08:29

I wasn't calling your Sister self centred btw Cigars Grin I just read that back.

I meant that you'd picked up on the having to adjust to new family dynamics

Report
Trifleorbust · 31/10/2016 08:29

My MIL is a genuinely kind woman. Flowers

Report
witsender · 31/10/2016 08:29

My MIL is lovely. We all love her very much.

Report
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 31/10/2016 08:32

I don't always understand my MIL but she is always lovely and supportive of everything DP and I do. And my DP and my DM get on really well.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 31/10/2016 08:35

YABU. Not all MIL are like that.

Not all MIL are nasty just like not all DIL are wonderful.

Report
GoofyTheHero · 31/10/2016 08:36

Well, some MIL's are bound to be not nice as some people are not nice, and it stands to reason that some of those people will be MIL's. I don't think that them being not nice people has anything to do with their status as mother in law though.
Mine is lovely.

Report
sweetstemcauli · 31/10/2016 08:56

I think the MIL - DIL relationship can bring out the worst in some people. I try to keep high emotion out of my rel with MIL but that only happens on my side, she often seems to think she has free rein to be a bull in a china shop whenever she feels like it. Her lack of self-control seems to be just the way she is, and it makes me want to withdraw from a rel with her.

It's a shame, and I would say to any MILs out there reading this that my MIL has trashed what could be a really good rel with me, I get on quite well with everybody else in my life, except PIL who is her enabler. She has destroyed any trust I had for her through prying, gossip and manipulation. Her choice, hey ho.

My own crime seems to be that I won't agree to be her plaything or show any dependence on her. If she just needs to feel wanted, why bite the hand of friendship?

( Btw DH is totally fed up with it and deals with MIL very well, so no complaints there.)

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.