To think

(32 Posts)
oggieoggie Mon 31-Oct-16 07:52:41

That all MILs are nasty?
My MIL seriously is horrible.
Is there some sort of hormone that gets released when their DC gets married that turns them in to lying manipulative people?
What gets me is that they were once in the same position surely they remember how it feels? blush

JohnLapsleyParlabane Mon 31-Oct-16 07:53:46

I'm sorry you have this experience. Not all MiLs are horrible.

SamhainSoubriquet Mon 31-Oct-16 07:54:32

Yabu

Some MILs are lovely. Some are awful

Same goes to DIL's. Some are lovely, some are awful.

It's not the in law that's the problem. It's the person

Unfortunately my MIL is awful

ThroughThickAndThin01 Mon 31-Oct-16 07:56:39

Yabu. That hasn't been my experience at all.

StillaChocoholic Mon 31-Oct-16 07:57:52

YABU, mines lovely.

oggieoggie Mon 31-Oct-16 07:58:07

I'm not saying all MILs are horrible but the ones I have encountered (jobs wise) all seem to be awful thinking up ways to cause problems one lady even used her grandchild to try and wreck her sons second marriage confused

Gardencentregroupie Mon 31-Oct-16 08:02:09

My MIL is lovely

My mother's MIL, ie my paternal DGM, was one of the kindest, most generous, loving supportive women I've ever known. My mother loved her like her own and was heartbroken when she passed away.

YABU.

Shutupanddance1 Mon 31-Oct-16 08:02:16

Nope, my MIL has only ever been lovely to me - I'm heading to stay with her for 6 weeks this coming month!

HoneyDragon Mon 31-Oct-16 08:03:23

You know an awful lot of posters on here are Mother in Laws. Or will be one day. It might even happen to you if you have a son

reup Mon 31-Oct-16 08:06:34

Presumably to be a MIL you have to be a mother first, so therefore you think that all mother of kids who have partners/spouses are horrible too?

ProseccoPoppy Mon 31-Oct-16 08:07:14

YABU. But I'm sure you know that really smile. My MIL is nice but very random. She can be inconsiderate (but can't we all sometimes) but loves DH and me and our DC. My mum is (obviously) DH's MIL and they get on great - he's a SAHD and meets up with her for lunch or coffee on days she isn't working. I think for some people it can be a tricky relationship as you choose your DH/DW, but not their family who nonetheless come as part of the package. Generalising ("all [insert type of relation] are horrible!") is always a bit dangerous and never very accurate imho.

hesterton Mon 31-Oct-16 08:07:53

Er... or a daughter.

I think I'm quite a nice mil to my lovely dils.

oggieoggie Mon 31-Oct-16 08:09:34

I agree I will be a mother In law someday, however my point is, I would never dream of making someone feel so uncomfortable.
I find a lot of mother in laws are nice however there is a good few who simply are not.
Lying manipulative and they know it too but they see it as their right to be cruel. It's a power trip!

TataEs Mon 31-Oct-16 08:13:14

mines a mixed bag, our relationship is strained at best. it's bad today as she's not speaking to me because my Dh and his brother (so her sons) have fallen out, and that is some how my fault despite me not having anything to do with it hmm
i will definitely try to be more supportive of any children in law i have in the future than she has been of me.

HoneyDragon Mon 31-Oct-16 08:16:54

Well your point was you think all MiLs are nasty. Then you said you don't think all Mils are horrible. And then you said a good few are horrible after that. grin

Why didn't you just say. I think my MiL is a cow and vent? Claiming the majority of mothers of sons are horrible to their sons wives is bull shit and misogynistic.

CigarsofthePharoahs Mon 31-Oct-16 08:22:05

My mil passed before I even met Dh so I can't comment there.
I have looked at the in law relationship with other members of my family and it's interesting to note that any problems that have cropped up are as a direct result of the mil in question just assuming that the dil fit in with what the mil wanted and drop any ideas of her own.
It's caused a few problems as the mil I am thinking of seems to be generally a nice person about a lot of things, but has always carried on with her own way of doing things without really wondering what effects this is having on wider family members.
A case in point was one Christmas. The mil did her usual thing of not really planning anything until the last minute and then just assuming her sons and their wives would do what she wanted, even though they'd already made plans. She was all very nice about it, but my poor sister felt pulled about in several directions.
As I said, she isn't a horrible person, just really really thoughtless. TBH I think that's the root of a lot of threads on here about mils.

Foxyloxy1plus1 Mon 31-Oct-16 08:23:00

Do you remember before you had children, there were things that you would never do and when the children came along, you ended up doing lots of the things you said you wouldn't?

Welll, it's not that different with mothers in law. When you are one, you'll probably do at least some of the things you said you'd never do. As a mother in law, I find that I try very hard not to interfere, not to pester with phone calls and texts, not to offer advice, not to take sides, to love them and let them get on with their own lives. Then I wonder and worry that maybe I don't get in contact enough, don't know enough about their daily lives.

I don't think we can get it right.

Soapalert Mon 31-Oct-16 08:24:14

Yabu, I adore my mil like my own mother.

When I read these threads I dread becoming a mil!!!

HoneyDragon Mon 31-Oct-16 08:27:50

Cigars makes a good point. One of the most awful MiL and DiL relationships I know is due to the fact that both individuals are extraordinarily self centred. Of course neither of them can see this.

HoneyDragon Mon 31-Oct-16 08:29:16

I wasn't calling your Sister self centred btw Cigars grin I just read that back.

I meant that you'd picked up on the having to adjust to new family dynamics

Trifleorbust Mon 31-Oct-16 08:29:22

My MIL is a genuinely kind woman. flowers

witsender Mon 31-Oct-16 08:29:28

My MIL is lovely. We all love her very much.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Mon 31-Oct-16 08:32:52

I don't always understand my MIL but she is always lovely and supportive of everything DP and I do. And my DP and my DM get on really well.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Mon 31-Oct-16 08:35:52

YABU. Not all MIL are like that.

Not all MIL are nasty just like not all DIL are wonderful.

GoofyTheHero Mon 31-Oct-16 08:36:48

Well, some MIL's are bound to be not nice as some people are not nice, and it stands to reason that some of those people will be MIL's. I don't think that them being not nice people has anything to do with their status as mother in law though.
Mine is lovely.

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