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To think more than 3-5 presents for a birthday is excessive?

(147 Posts)
NotMeredithGrey Sun 30-Oct-16 23:58:50

So many of my friends put photos of Facebook of their children on their birthday morning surrounded by mountains and mountains of presents - a quick count of the ones over this weekend looks like an average of 10-12 per child - THESE ARE JUST FROM THE PARENTS. Not family or friends, just the parents! AIBU to think this is at best unnecessary and at worst just plain excessive and likely to lead to a spoilt child?! Genuinely wondering whether I'm just a tight arse as it seems to be the norm these days!! I get my kids between 3-5, but that will be like a book, a toy, some clothes etc.
I thought I was normal, clearly not!

NapQueen Mon 31-Oct-16 00:01:30

I don't agree that present mountains = spoilt kids.

I also think that if you cannot over indulge your dc on their birthday when can you?

Also, some parents (mine!!) only buy their kids stuff for birthdays and Christmas and not so much as a kinder egg between.

However, and I remain resolute on this opinion, parents who put photos up like this are fuck wits.

It achieves nothing. It's braggy, and has the potential to make the less able or less inclined parents feel shit. It also is of no interest to anyone outside of that house.

Cagliostro Mon 31-Oct-16 00:05:40

Agree re: photos on FB but I don't think that number is excessive, depends what they are surely. DD had a big pile of presents for her 9th but some were only a couple of quid, stuff like a coin album for her collection. Whereas one present like an iPhone could be seen as excessive despite only being one in number.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 31-Oct-16 00:06:31

I have no time for FB present mountains.

However, my best mate growing up was a present-mountain kid and she's grown up sweet, nice, happily married, great mother and all round good egg. I don't think it's the pile of presents but the all round attitude.

Onehellofascare Mon 31-Oct-16 00:09:09

I don't think that's excessive it's a personal choice. I like to spoil my children but they don't exhibit any spoilt traits. Each to their own but you come across as being judgmental which is also not a good trait.

autumnrained Mon 31-Oct-16 00:10:18

DD 3 had roughly that amount this weekend BUT we family don't buy anything for them and we don't buy toys in between birthdays & Christmas. We spent about £70-80 so nothing extravagant either.

When we was younger there were 7 of us so we couldn't really have really nice birthdays we had to choose between £25 on presents or a tea party NEVER both sad and it was awful so I try to give my dc a good birthday smile

Misselthwaite Mon 31-Oct-16 00:14:12

I like to spoil mine. I was spoilt on my birthday so it only seems fair. I do think the attitude that you end up with a spoilt child by giving them lots doesn't make sense. If anything demonstrating generosity is likely to make them more likely to be generous in their turn.

Poocatcherchampion Mon 31-Oct-16 00:17:31

Totally agree.

How about you never overindulge/spoil children? Isn't parenting about raising decent humans.

Giving them a shitton of presents is completely Ott

TaliZorahVasNormandy Mon 31-Oct-16 00:17:41

I got my DD about 11 pressies for her birthday this year. My ex mil implied that I spoiled her. Yeah, its her birthday, damn fucking right I'll spoil her. I never go mad at xmas though

SpringerS Mon 31-Oct-16 00:19:59

I think the latest theory is actually that children who regularly receive gifts given with joy grow up to learn that giving brings joy and become very generous adults. It's my DS 4th birthday and he's getting quite a few bits, mainly a big bundle of Imaginext Space and alien stuff I got on ebay. So there are quite a few toys all together but it's one gift.

I also got him a Robin costume for his birthday party and I bought Teen Titan figures to go on his birthday cake for his party which is a couple of days after his actual birthday. And I'm building a Teen Titan Tower cake topper so after his birthday he'll have the figures as toys and the topper will act as a playset for as long as it lasts. I've also put aside a pair of nice books I found in TK Maxx and I'm planning to give him one on the night of his birthday and one the night of the party. Part present/part bribe to get him to wind down and come to bed if he's over-excited on either day.

NotMeredithGrey Mon 31-Oct-16 00:20:21

Oh God, it's just me then confusedgrin
Yes I suppose I am coming across as judgemental, I don't mean to and it doesn't mean they are spoilt kids. Just amazed that people find stuff to buy them for Christmas as well smile

Also my kids do get stuff year round for good behaviour, so I suppose it gets balanced out smile

JoJoSM2 Mon 31-Oct-16 00:22:44

I don't see the point of giving so many presents. But then again, In not a fan of stuff and when it's my bday I'd rather get one nice thing than tons of stuff.

Poocatcherchampion Mon 31-Oct-16 00:23:14

There is a difference between being given stuff with joy and being given a shitton of stuff with joy.

There are plenty of theories about excesssivd consumerism having no benefit on childhood and play.

Wren1975 Mon 31-Oct-16 00:31:49

Like pp I think it's the Fb photos which are just completely unnecessary (worse still are the ones of birthday dc holding up gifts/money to the camera)!
We don't give a lot or very expensive gifts for birthdays, but I like to make the day special by decorating the room, a nice activity, party hats/poppers, balloons, cake etc. lots of little special touches. I don't feel I need to compete with the 'present mountain' culture or that my dc miss out.
If other families give substantially more or more expensive gifts then that's their prerogative but I would worry that treating children like this they are more likely to grow up spoiled, not understanding the value of things and materialistic.

VinoTime Mon 31-Oct-16 00:42:38

I openly admit to spoiling my one and only. She is honestly the sweetest, kindest kid going. She'd give you the last of anything she ever had and is an extremely pleasant, well mannered child.

Piles of gifts don't equal a bratty child. Some parents like to indulge their children for any number of reasons, but those reasons are private and you really shouldn't judge, OP. My DD is used to walking into the living room on Christmas morning to a big mound of wrapped gifts from Santa, and behind those is another mound from friends and family. She gets absolutely zero from her father or his side of the family, so I tend to overcompensate for that. It's not like she's getting 12 iPhone's, 8 TV's and a pony. Most of her gifts are small and inexpensive items I know she'll love. It's a very personal thing and for me, I like watching her wake up to lots of daft little presents. She tends to get less in volume for a birthday, but gets a 'big' (expensive) gift and a few smaller items to unwrap.

Each to their own.

DownWithThisSortaThing Mon 31-Oct-16 00:48:08

It depends what they are surely. I don't think 10-12 presents is excessive personally, especially if they're just little things. I wouldn't class a few toys, a couple of books and DVDs and an outfit as OTT.

My DS is only 2 and had about 8 presents on his birthday, but they weren't 'big' presents and we wrapped everything individually, e.g 2 books thinking he would enjoy opening them all (he didn't, as it turned out!)

There was a thread the other day where a poster said she spends £1000 on their child at Christmas which IMO is just crazy. It's nice to spoil them twice a year, but in my definition that's a big present and a few little ones. The amount you could buy for £1k is mad. Some of the stuff must never get played with.

SpookyMooky Mon 31-Oct-16 00:59:01

I also dislike the mountains of gifts, especially with children we buy for (especially when they never say thank you).

However I don't think you can put a number on the "correct", non-spoiling amount. My kids get about 4, one of which is a Book People box set. Last year my 9 year old's main present was winter boots. However they get tonnes spent on them at other times. Clothes are mostly just bought as needed when the season changes, ditto bikes (second hand, and so we can treat them equally), and they get activities and all the leotards, shoes, kit that goes along with that, days and meals out etc. They are probably way more spoilt than some of the kids who get the massive piles. I'm not bragging - it would be a weird thing to brag about - just thinking it's unfair to look at birthday gift piles in isolation.

PterodactylToenails Mon 31-Oct-16 01:06:36

My kids get spoilt on their birthday. I want to do it. I never post their presents on facebook. I have to say that when people do post their children's presents on fb and there's only a few I feel sorry for the child. But each to their own.

paxillin Mon 31-Oct-16 01:17:26

The biggest super spoiled tightwad I know had strict low present birthdays. His parents were careful not to spoil him. He now spends any spare money on himself, eats the biggest piece of meat before feeding his kids, expects to be served before all others and never even gets his wife a card for her birthday.

I don't think gift counting necessarily results in generous, grateful grown ups in the end. It's lovely to be spoiled for a day. Bragging on fb is a bit off.

Bubbinsmakesthree Mon 31-Oct-16 01:33:33

I don't really care how many presents other people's children get, but I do hate the FB posts of mounds of presents which just scream LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF! Never mind what it is, how much it did or didn't cost, whether or not it will lived and appreciated - just LOOK AT THE STUFF!

AndrastesKnickerweasels Mon 31-Oct-16 02:00:28

I've been known to take the odd photo of DD opening her presents and put it on FB for my extended family, but just the one because I want to watch her!
What gets my goat so badly are the photos of all the piles and piles of presents, all neatly laid out around the birthday kid.
I have one lady on my FB who does this (bad enough) but also adds wee comments like "Not as many presents for my lil man this year sad but he didn't seem to notice so all's well grin "
She's perfectly lovely...except for that.

honeylulu Mon 31-Oct-16 09:06:04

Ours probably get 10-12 presents from us. Some are very small i.e. chocolate etc, some bigger and one main present. However they don't get presents from anyone else (grandparents, aunts etc don't bother) so I feel wholly justified.
Also we rarely buy them stuff (except essentials) at other times, so it's just birthdays and Christmas we go overboard. They do ask for stuff but get told to put it on their birthday/Christmas list. They both have late spring birthdays so its nicely spaced after Christmas.

YorkieDorkie Mon 31-Oct-16 09:27:15

Give your kids as many presents as you see fit! Some may think that 10-12 presents is really stingy and others would think 10-12 is completely OTT.

I absolutely despise the photos of mountains of presents I see on FB all laid out the night before for the little prince or princess. It's completely showing off and may make other parents feel inadequate. But then we're a showy off nation these days!

sofatrainer Mon 31-Oct-16 09:34:15

We do big presents and huge piles for birthdays and smaller token gifts for xmas whereas others do it the other way round so YABU. My kids are not spoilt but their birthday is their own special day and we have a lovely tradition of filming them coming downstairs to the first sight of their birthday pile

claraschu Mon 31-Oct-16 09:42:38

Spoiling doesn't have anything to do with how many presents you get. Spoiling is much deeper and more insidious. I think it has to do with buying into our overly materialistic culture, but at the same time not appreciating or being thankful for what you have.

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